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Before anything is said I know this story I not the best

Riley is a normal 13 year old girl, but when Riley was younger her parent didn't want her so they sold her to human traffickers, Riley was still young at the time so she didn't no what was going on. It has been ten years since that happened today is her birthday and by law, slave or not she is sopposed to be going palace where they decide if she going to go to the school of villains where you are destined to lose or the school of hero where your destinated to not only kill the the villain but be rich and if your lucky have many wives but just cause you go to the school of hero does not mean you will become a hero. Hero are rare and almost 60 percent of the people who goes to the school of heros become sidekicks.

"Hey you brat are you not listening to me" I snap out my zoned out state and look down, the guard who I didn't even see come in is one of the human breeds which is the most common. The guard throw a bucket at me and with a sneer and a look of disgust and says "wash yourself, we don't want you stinking the whole palace" as I finish washing my self the guard come and throws me a new outfit it a black shirt with long sleeve probably to hide my bruises and jeans with a jacket which I put around my waist. When I get dragged outside I'm momentarily stunned since I haven't felt the sun or seen the sky in a long time, they drag me into a black black car that seems to be floating, as I step in the two other slaves step in after me, and they looked as scared as I felt l. When the black car arrived at the palace a guard escorts us inside, as me and the other two slave who named I learned to be Aaron and Mary step inside the first thing we noticed other then there was at least a million other kids here was the big stage in the middle.

Fluxion, SOME grammar cleanup (no offense meant daisy!)?! Sorry this is 12 days late...

1. "...traffickers. Riley..." (the ...s are skipping unnecessary text) this is more of a suggestion than a fact it needs fixing, but I still think you should put a period there and not a comma.

2. "...supposed..." Sopposed is spelling it wrong.

3. "...school of heroes..." I would normally skip this because you could be referring to the schools by the name school of hero (even though I find that a tad odd) but earlier you say "...villains..." which suggests hero in this part should also be plural. Also, I know heroes looks wrong and you may be tempted to write heros but if I didn't mess up somewhere heroes is the correct spelling for hero plural.

4. "...if your lucky..." Is supposed to be (the quotations marks doesn't mean it's an actual quote!) "...if you're lucky..."

5. "...just cause..." This is because, but I understand lots of people (me included) use 'cause but you need to have the ' at the start or it's cause as in it caused the storm.

6. "Hero are rare..." Again, it's heroes.

7. "...who goes..." Who go, not goes. You shouldn't change tenses in one paragraph (I'm working on staying on one tense too).

8. "...heros..." You use plural this time, but it's heroes not heros.

9. "... to me'..." (I used ' where you used " because it was already inside quotation marks) it's to me? You forgot the punctuation.

10.  "throw a bucket" is supposed to be throws a bucket.

11. "...'wash..." it's Wash, you forgot to capitalize.

12. "...palace'..." it's palace. (with a period! The period isn't me ending my sentence, it's me putting a period after as a correction).

13. it's myself, not my self.

14. "...outfit it a..." it's "...outfit. It is a...".

15. "...bruises and jeans..." should be "...bruises, and there's jeans..." or you could just do "...bruises, and jeans..." because the way you have written it it can easily be misinterprited as the jeans are covering the bruises. Unless that IS what you mean and I got confused...

16. Like Fluxion said, this part with the sun and sky need a lot more text.

17. Maybe describe the car more like talk about how dark tinted windows and blah blah blah made you feel intimidated or something.

18. "...inside the..." should be "...inside. The..." or  "...inside, the..." Also maybe write an actual conversation between the three slaves.

19. "...other two slave..." should be slaves not slave.

20. I'm confused about the last part... you mean kids around a stage? The kids are the stage?

     Also, this is way too short even for a short story. You should add more at the end, and if you're going for a cliffhanger there's not enough tension or suspense. Also, you haven't even finished the exposition as I have no feel for the characters or the world. Ok... there's some school of villains and heroes and... I don't understand any of the things the character seems to. If she's also confused, make that more clear. You need a lot more world and character building as right now it's almost non existant.

Thanks I'll fix all these problem you mentioned and its not a cliffhanger, I was just showing what I have already wrote, the story is not finished yet.

I'm replying to this one so you can still edit.

There is potential here. Got to clean up some grammar, but the starting point of the story has a lot of potential. Don't mess it up lol. Also when she steps out, describe how the light makes her look away, describe how pillars or telephone poles or tall men momentarily eclipse the sun, and how it bursts out from behind them when you walk by. Maybe the call of a crow or something—perhaps another sound the main character has not heard in a long time. Things like that will add to the ambience.

But this is a solid start.

Thanks you, I'll do that and send a better one later

 

I would just update the thread here, so other people can offer insight as well.