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The Erodini have finally crossed the line. Maybe it wasn't too much for them, after what happened so many years ago, but they're going to pay.

The Erodini have been pushing Corosa to start a war. It all started nineteen years ago, when Chris, fifteen at the time, had managed to obtain the legendary blade Blue Thunder. The Erodini had been attempting to steal it, but with John's help, Chris was able to take it. Seeking revenge, the Erodini lured John, Chris, Chris's brother Jeff, and Jeff's friend Steven into a cavern below the village of Corosa.

There, they encountered something they never would have thought of even in their darkest nightmares. The Erodini soldier transformed into a titanic, levitating boulder with a huge, piercing eye, and a few dozen smaller boulders that it could control to protect itself and attack. After a tiresome battle, more soldiers returned, with orders of kidnapping Chris. They mistook Jeff for Chris, taking him instead. Chris wouldn't let it end like this.

Slowly, he began to contemplate a strategy of how to stop the evil attackers. At the same time, the Erodini continued to attack, and after shooting and wounding dozens at a meeting in the castle, Chris finally caved. They had gone too far. It was time to fight back.

Does this need more background knowledge, or is it okay?

Also, I have put my very first version in sneak preview. Check it out.

- Negative (Early Prototype of Negativity)

its sounds like a good start. the only thought that came to mind though was this: you have a group called the Erodini and a village called Corosa. Both, fantasy inspired names. Yet, the main cast is your standard American names. Think of it this way, Would you have a character from North Korea named Bobby Joe? or an Irish hero named Eduardo Rodriguez? Probably not. Names are just as unique as the place of origin. However, the story is interesting and the back ground is solid and enough to get someone emersed. from that point on you could drop more background throughout the rest of the story.

nate

Well, it's purely fantasy. Rangers Apprentice used Regular names, and Araleun was pretty much the same as America. Celtica I believe was Spain, and Gallica was France. The names applied like that. I have no idea what the Erodini are supposed to be, but Corosa is either English or American.

*English, not regular.

I agree with Flesh. Let's see... someone named Chris handling a "legendary" item... Maybe in a Monty Python skit. I think your beginning needs more dramatic names consistent with the nature of the story. "Chris" is very informal and familiar.

I think adding a last name might work. A name like "Christopher Montaigne" may be aligned better with the mood of your start. You could use the shortened name "Chris" a little further in the story, depending on the situation.

Chuck

That's a portion of the background on the first page.