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As we near the end of the ye--nah, fuck that cliche shit. This isn't a time for self reflection and empty promises made to be better next year. Whatever you value is how you're going to spend your time. You may think about setting goals for yourself, but you should be asking yourself why you aren't achieving them already. Nothing's going to magically solve your laziness, certainly not the number 2021 turning into 2022, so let's not kid ourselves. This is the Reading Corner, and we're going to talk about books and words and stuff. Fun times. These are the books I've picked up and finished this year. With most people (except those suckers working for Amazon) having lots of time off, I encourage you to pick up the good ones and stay far, far, far away from the bad. After finishing The Sorcerer's Stone for the first time (literally finished 30 minutes ago), I'll just tell you now to steer clear. No wonder Rowling had trouble getting it published according to the rumors. Many of you on this site write better than what's typed in that steaming pile, although the wand choosing chapter is entertaining if your mind is stuck at a middle school level, like mine is. Hagrid had a thirteen incher before it got snapped in half. Did you know that? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: 3/10 Jesus Christ. This was some of the worst writing I've ever read. Unnatural dialogue, bland characters...and the pacing felt like a series of dams. Rowling also has a hard-on for adverbs, the em dash, and describing the features and clothing of each new character to a disgusting degree. Who cares about the thread on their cloak, lady? Certainly not me. The best part about the book was how easy it is to read. Not a great thing to have as the best attribute. The Name of the Wind: 10/10 Gower recommended. Need I say more? Easily my favorite book ever. The Wise Man's Fear: 10/10 The sequel to a Gower recommendation. Need I say even more? The Dark Tower: 9/10 Rating the series as a whole, there are definitely slow moments. It's seven goddamn books, after all; there's bound to be at least some slow moments. The thing about King, though, is that his characters and dialogue are so masterfully done that I wouldn't mind reading about them putting on socks and walking to the liquor store. And the Dark Tower series includes everything from robots to vampires to magicians to lightsabers to the Shine (yes, that one). Book four, the western-y one, is a shootin thrill. Tuck that in your holster, partner. Ender's Game: 10/10 Little late to the party, but I don't like kids. Sue me. Ender's Game definitely lives up to the hype. The Stand: 9/10 I accidentally ordered the extended edition otherwise this would likely be a 10. Coming in at a whopping 1,300 pages, it dragged on a bit. But having separate storylines and combining them all seamlessly is no easy task. The book's about covid killing everyone and the devil trying to take over what's left of humanity. You should probably read it to learn how to survive the next few years. Misery: 10/10 Another one that lives up to the hype. It's creepy, gruesome, and charming all at the same time. Also, it's short. Size doesn't always matter, hon. Good writing makes the reader feel, and I felt a wide range making it through. But now that it's done, I'm back to being cold and heartless. Oh well. Pick up a copy, ya cockadoodie. The Dead Zone: 10/10 By far my favorite of King. It bears the grimdark nature that we know and love on CYS. It's tragedy and torment and evil and depression all in a neat little binding. What's keeping you from reading? The basis is similar to the age old question: if you could go back in time and kill Hitler before he committed evil, would you/is it moral (age old, as in about 90 years give or take a few). On Writing: 10/10 A memoir on writing. Sounds entertaining, huh? It actually is, and surprisingly a page turner. If you have any interest in writing, I suggest you give this one a read. It's full of fun stories that shaped King as well as practical portions of the art. Apparently people can write without booze, smokes, or coke. I wish someone told me that earlier! Revival: 8/10 A weird one about a pastor with a fetish for electricity. The tale follows a first person account from childhood through elderly age, telling bits from days as a junkie rockstar and his run-ins with his increasingly insane former pastor through the entirety his lifetime, all leading up to, by far, the most terrifying chapter I've ever read (seemingly out of nowhere). It's like a mix of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde with elements from Frankenstein and Moby Dick. Actually, I'm pretty sure all three are referenced. The Lies of Locke Lamora: 6/10 I had high hopes for this swashbuckling tale of thievery, murder, and goodness. Man, was it disappointing. The dialogue was straining to be edgy (cursing for no other reason than to curse), and our "heroes" seem to have the curse of acting brainless for no other reason than to advance the plot. Their plot armor is pretty much Leia's metal bikini. Rhythm of War: 7/10 By far the worst of the Stormlight series. It focuses on the least fun cast of characters from the first three books. Hey, you know those chapters that felt like filler from your other books? Let's give them a 1,200 page book (in hard cover). Thanks, Brandon! Gardens of the Moon: 1/10 So awful. So fucking awful. I thought lore dump was bad until reading Gardens. There is zero background whatsover, and in typical fantasy fashion, the world is filled with weird creatures, populations of people, political disputes, and ancient orders. Slogging through this was like beating myself in the forehead with a pin roller. There are 9 more? Hard pass. Dreamcatcher: 6.5/10 Strong start. Couldn't stick the landing. I would have much prefered to read about the cast of four characters in their normal lives rather than fighting aliens and shit weasels and zealous soldiers. Still, it's King, who can write his grocery list in an immersive manner, and there's an interesting dynamic at play as a man contemplating suicide is forced to act as the hero. 'Salem's Lot: 7/10 This one didn't live up. It was pretty great leading up until the vampire part. Not super considering it's a book about vampires. It's well worth it though, despite the lower rating; with a renown title such as 'Salem's Lot, expectations were high. Like some of King's other writing (minus the one's mentioned on this list), once the suspense bit is over the story falls somewhat flat. It's like when you think a flu shot is going to hurt and then you just feel a tiny prick, and then the nurse jams a needle in your vein. Heh. Gotcha. It's actually like when you anticipate a flu shot hurting, and you don't feel a thing. Just, you know, the opposite.

I haven't read any of the other Ender books (remember I'm just getting around to the OG this year). I've heard good things about Shadow. The others, not so much. I'm content cash out my chips with the prize of Ender's Game. It's such a good book that I don't want to tarnish its memory by doubling down on a subpar sequel. Stephen King's introduction is quite the hook and it only gets better. It's very honest. He doesn't claim to know the ultimate writing cheat code (besides reading a lot and writing a lot). And funny enough, he writes that people inherently have it or they don't. Good writers can improve but they'll never be great writers. That sort of thing. Not all are born equal it seems. Ah. I'd rather follow the ghostbloods than the parshendi. They're better off being the mysterious enemy across the shattered plains; I don't actually want them to take center stage. Give me more political struggle and assassination attempts and Dalinar and Kaladin.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

That's a fair point. But that's where rewrites and additional drafts should come in.

JK Rowling writes the most miserable, dull and meandering prose and barely seems to understand how sentences are formed. I have made multiple attempts to get through the first Harry Potter book and always failed, it's just so fucking bad. I guess if you encounter it at just the right time and place in your life the world building is the part that seems to resonate with fans though. Never heard of Revival, I may have to check it out.

Seriously...

Though Robin Ellacott’s twenty-five years of life had seen their moments of drama and incident, she had never before woken up in the certain knowledge that she would remember the coming day for as long as she lived.

Is this a good sentence, in any context? Who would open a book this way? But this is how far her writing 'progressed' a full decade and a half after the first Harry Potter.

Damn, that sentence reminds me of the stammering kid trying to remember his dream. The worst part for me, as far as the actual writing goes, were the adverbs. Adverbs everywhere. You get an adverb, and you get an adverb, and you get an adverb. (Throwin them out like Oprah). And worst of all, the vast majority were attached to dialogue. They were a huge crutch that Rowling used instead of writing like an actual human. Out of nowhere, characters are speaking mysteriously, kindly, warmly, etc. with no context whatsoever. The worst one came across near the end where Harry "said [something] questioningly." Bitch, he asked. That's why there's a question mark in your dialogue punctuation. On it's own that's not terrible, but after being bukkake'd by adverbs in the previous 200 pages, that was money shot that broke the camel's back.

I tried rereading the first book a few years ago; I didn't make it past the first chapter. The movies are probably easier to get into. Unfortunately the worldbuilding is weak at best, especially when you compare it to Lord of the Rings, The Elder Scrolls, or John Wick. The problem starts with how the series "grows up" with the reader and how Rowling didn't put any thought into how that would or should work. It would be fine if the world had been confined to those seven books, but she expanded on it with Fantastic Beasts and The Cursed Child (I haven't read it, but from what I've heard, it sounds like fanfiction). Really, everything about the Harry Potter universe needs to be retconned and rewritten by someone that hasn't lost every ounce of sanity. But I'm just salty that there isn't better worldbuilding for wands considering how they're necessary to actually use magic. I mean, yeah, there's wandless magic, but only powerful and highly skilled witches and wizards are supposed to be able to do it.

Another great thing about the series is that she leaves clues about future events SEVERAL BOOKS before.

*Gasp* OH EM GEE!!! It's almost as if she... planned it! But don't tell anyone; I could be maimed or murdered for freely sharing this ill-gotten knowledge!

Look it's bad enough that 14 year olds exist, you don't have to encourage them by seeming to agree with them in any way.