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Everything with my real-world commitments have been taken care of. I genuinely did have very important things to deal with, which I had been neglecting, and I really do wish people would take me seriously when I try to explain these things, but it’s all done now. I have made an appointment to see a medical professional, even though I am unconvinced that I need to do so, but I said I would do so and I will. And I will copy over my stories too, now that the issues have all cleared.

All the major issues with the whole incident I have gone over with my Gazette interview (and the questions I was asked were all very clever and comprehensive ones). Everyone, even if they strongly disagree, will understand exactly what took place if you read that.

There is one thing, however, that is incredibly important and I am glad some people have picked up on. And that is that many of the things I have been looking up on the internet are not healthy and can contribute to serious incidents like this one. You cannot know how relieved I am that people here understand that, and how that one realisation makes all of this worth it. Because this is the main point that contributed to my terror.

Never before has it been possible to, when you feel like it, randomly spend time looking up seriously dangerous occult literature. Never in history. I have dealt with it in what I believe to me an ultimately healthy, if very eccentric, kind of way. But I strongly suspect there are people out there who have done what I have done, who do not have the same good intentions and have not dealt with it in a healthy way. People can tell from my stories that I do not intend to do anyone any harm…but there are people out there who do intend harm. And my worry is that the number of these people will continue to grow.

And there is a strong danger these people will start coming to sites like this. Now people know. Now people are starting to realise just how precarious the situation is.

So I honestly believe the members of this site are extremely lucky in this regard. I get the impression that people are now somewhat scared, or at least unsettled, by me. People are upset, scared, angry and frustrated. This is good, this is very good. Because now you know how I feel. Because, like I said, there are far,far worse people out there than I. And I deeply worry that such people, at least as apparently insane as I am but far, far worse intentioned, will find this site in the future. I hope everyone can understand exactly why I went through what I did.

Even if I am wrong, even if this site lasts until the end of time and some seriously depraved and evil occultist weirdo who makes me look like the most normal person on planet earth never finds this place, the mere 3% possibility that something like that could happen to people who I actually deeply care about and owe vast amounts towards, is enough for me to think to myself that this whole situation was worth it. People can mock and joke and insult all day long, but the idea of the possibility is there. And people are starting to become aware of it.

One more thing...intelligence is a virtue, and therefore stupidity is an evil. I think people don't realise this. But this relates to the Ontological Argument for God, where God has all the "good" qualities, including wisdom, and the Devil has as many "bad" qualities as possible, including stupidity. Stupidity is a form of evil.

If you really, really want to know who I am, who I have become...this is the closest example I can find:

https://youtu.be/lejZAwxrqRI?t=49

Also, I don't want people to think I wanted any of this to happen. Because I didn't. Believe me, I would much, much, much rather remain the "eccentrical, whimsical brony". But if I did that, I would just live the rest of my life in fear of what could happen to people here if someone else got a hold of the site. I wasn't even fully thinking about these things when I went through my whole manic-pyschosis, literally my brain felt like it was on fire ("I am the god that sets a fire in the head"), I honestly didn't have a conception of time, my dreams literally bled in with reality, the whole incident felt like it lasted a day and I was actually shocked when I saw "26 days" next to one of my posts. 

Your description sounds terrifying. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. When you’re in that mental state, it’s easy to let real life slip by, so i totally understand why you had to take care of real life commitments before scheduling the appointments. Even if you’re away for a month, these things pile up. Glad you took care of them! Make sure to be up front with the doctor so they can help you best, and it’s a difficult step to take, but you’re doing it!

If it's any consolation I haven't really noticed a difference in tone or tendency of expression in your posts from between then and now. I would estimate that the transformation you appear to have experienced was largely emotional in nature rather than a complete shift in persona itself, but I haven't been paying that close attention and you would probably know your own tendencies better than I. But that does sound very much like the sort of thing where you should see a doctor if it happens, even if it appears to have got better. Especially while you're still that way

I'm trying really, really hard not to post on the forums right now, so I won't be saying anything else, but I wanted to say that I am really sorry I didn't get to answer your points, they were actually really interesting and I would have done so under any other opportunity. But that was around the time I got messages from (very nice) people who said that they were genuinely convinced by my story and everything just started spinning which is why I tried to disengage.

It's still really in doubt by almost everyone that this thing you keep dodging questions on actually happened, but okay. It clearly makes you feel better to keep saying so.

Proud of you for going to get help! That’s a really important first step. Also good job on finishing your other commitments. Listen to what the doctor says. Make sure to avail yourself of all the help offered. Also copy those stories down, although seeking medical help is the first priority!

I've made a conscious, thought through decision not to read any more of your posts, but seeing how you seem to be swinging back into whatever phase it is that makes you lose any filter on your internal belief that you're wildly superior to everyone else, the title seems to bode well.

I'll hold off on any other decisions your posts just prior to this might have brought me to for now, and hope there's some kind of positive change soon.

Please show this thread to the doctor by the way.

I'll just add to this that Sent thought you should tell the doctor about your diet too. If you just went cold turkey vegan and got all your advice on that from reddit, you might be fucking yourself over in other ways that aren't helping the situation.

And again, if you aren't eating eggs or fish or even drinking fortified milk while only rarely getting sunlight, you're probably chronically low on Vitamin D.

Gotta say, after picking through whatever that was in the OP, the thing that stood out to me was "Satan is stupid, stupidity is evil and intelligence is good".

First time I've ever seen someone try to apply good or evil by IQ, I guess it does make a lot of sense when yours is so much higher then the average person's though. Glad you're finding time to watch Rick and Morty in the midst of everything else.

Of course what you're saying about Satan has never been in the Christian tradition at all, that threw me a little before realizing you meant your personal, homebrewed Christianity again. (It would be helpful if you gave it a different name though I think. Bronism or something maybe. )

I mean, it's far from the first time I've ever read someone applying moral value judgements to intelligence itself. But down that road, some vile shit is way more common than the good.