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Nightsky

Should I make it?

11 years ago

As I said earlier in my other posts, I am writing a story. After a while, I thought, why not make it a storygame? So here's a preview of the actual book. If you like the preview, just tell me, and I'll make it a story. I hope you do! And I still need 5 names…

Preview:

 Shadow stepped back into camp. Then, she saw Shade, her father, looking at her.

“Wow, you look like Tumble. After he ran into mud, it dried up, then ran into a thorn bush!”
“Hey, that's not nice!” said Tumble, appearing from behind him.
 
Well, in truth, she did run through mud. But that was because she needed to hide the other wolfs scent. She was spending time with him secretly, again. The thorns were from the accident, when she ran into a thorn bush, looking behind her.
 
“Well,” she said,“it's not that bad…is it?”
“Not that bad! Look at you! You go rest right now. And when you wake up, you can tell me what happened.” her father continued.
 
So, she went to her den, trying to think of what to say when she woke up.
 
That's the end of the preview! Tell me if you like it, and if I should make it a storygame. I would appreciate a name or two!
 
Danaos

Should I make it?

11 years ago

You're grammar seems to have improved a bit but I can't name a story that I know nothing about. What's the plot? Do you have one? Also, why do you like cats so much?

Anyway, if you want to make the story then go for it. Just know this: A good story isn't going to be finished in a week's and even a month's time. Don't be in a hurry to publish it or you'll receive the same negative comments from before.

Nightsky

Should I make it?

11 years ago

They are wolves, and the plot is there is a wolf named Shadow. She secretly sees a wolf every day, not knowing he is a werewolf, until it's too late.

Extra info:

Father: Shade

Mother: Winter

Siblings: none

In Her Future info:

married to: Devin, the werewolf

Kids: Ice, and Midnight

Danaos

Should I make it?

11 years ago

Is this a love story? I will need more information before I can give any sound advice. Currently, I see no conflict in this story. What kind of conflict is being placed against the protagonist?

Ford

Should I make it?

11 years ago
I hope that's not split into multiple pages, it's hardly worth 1 page in itself.

Who is shadow?
Who is shade?
Who is tumble?
Are there other characters?
If so who are they?
Give your main characters some background, so the reader can visualize what they will act like throughout the story.

Your grammar looks better than before, but it still needs refinement. If you need names just choose names of flowers. They are usually common names such as "Rose" or for more sophisticated characters, choose the French name such as "Fleur" or "Lune" which gives off a fragrance of emotion.

Describe the setting using adjectives, answer the questions:

What does this place look like?
Does it smell like anything?
How does the floor sound as the character walks across it?

Try to play on all senses to give the reader an immersion into the story that they can enjoy and have compatibility with.

An excellent website to use to refine your writing is http://www.polishmywriting.com/ I HIGHLY recommend using this before you are finished with your story.
Nightsky

Should I make it?

11 years ago

Name: Shadow

Parents: Winter and Shade

Siblings: none

Description: black with aqua eyes

Gender: female

Personality: playful sometimes, other times bossy/unfriendly

Importance: main character

 

 

Name: Shade
 
Parents: unknown
 
Siblings: none
 
Description: black with green eyes
 
Gender: male
 
Personality: dark and mysterious, sometimes considered an extra villain
 
Importance: Shadow's father
 
 
 
Name: Tumble
 
Parents: haven't got to that part yet
 
Siblings: a sister named Swift
 
Description: brown with green eyes, and very untidy fur
 
Gender: male
 
Personality: playful, and fun
 
Importance: one of the pups
 
 
 
there are too many other characters. Actually, there is a whole two other packs, and other animals. I don't have time to name them all. But I will name a few more…

 

 

Name: Winter
 
Parents: unknown so far
 
Siblings: one sister named Moon
 
Description: light gray with white spots and blue eyes
 
Gender: female
 
Personality: happy, and excited
 
Importance: Shadows mother
 
 
 
 
Name: Devin
 
Parents: Spot and Cloud, dogs, but Devin was bit by a werewolf as a kid
 
Siblings: few months younger brother Charlie, and younger brother Ben
 
Description: blood red fur, vivid green eyes, with a scar across one eye
 
Gender: male
 
Personality: evil, and very strong, and did I mention evil? He is also evil. Get the picture?
 
Importance: Shadow's secret boyfriend, later they are mates
 
 
 
 

Where they live:

Shadows pack lives in the forest, the forest is by the city, but no human dares venture in the forest.

Devin's pack lives by the edge of the forest, a ways away from Shadows pack.

of course, the forest smells like forest, with leaves litter the ground in spring, sweet smelling grass in summer, snow in winter, frost in fall.

 

Any more questions? (I worked on this for a while, so I might not see questions while typing this.)

Swiftstryker

Should I make it?

11 years ago

So is it going to be sort of a slice-of-life for wolves?