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So I decided to do a generic fantasy setting #344 story. Why? I dunno. Here's what I have so far for the first page:

From the outside the tavern looks intimate, cozy and humble. Small stones and wooden pillars make up most of the building's outer structure. You cannot see through the closed windows, but the entertained voices from within can be heard outside. As you enter the tavern through the heavily used wooden door, you're welcomed by a pleasant atmosphere and excitement.

It's as engaging inside as it is on the outside. The wooden pillars seen on the outside support the upper floor and lanterns hang from posts in said pillars. The walls are covered in beautiful paintings, all of rivers and forests and mountains. You recognize one as Mount Hazelmyre, a mountain nearby which houses a dragon and vast amounts of gold and other treasures.

The tavern's inside is packed, and tourists seem to be the primary clientele here, which could be seen as the best sign you can get. Several long tables are occupied by separate groups of people, all enjoying themselves and talking and laughing, pints of ale in their swinging hands. The other tables, which are much smaller, are occupied by people who who seem to be strangers to each other, all sitting here because there are no other seats, though they all clearly enjoy each other's company. Even most of the stools at the bar are occupied, though nobody seems to mind more company. You did hear rumors about this tavern, it's famous for something, and you can see why. One thing that contributes to its popularity, judging by the music and how many people are dancing, is the band of bards playing here.

You manage to find a seat and prepare for what will be a great evening. "What'll it be, son?" The bartender, an elderly fellow with innumerable wrinkles and a sincere smile on his face, asks you as you sit.

"A pint of ale, please." With that you set down two copper pieces, though the man rejects your money.

"First drink is always on the house." With that, he fills up a mug with ale and some of the foam drips down the glass. You gladly take the mug and drink from it, and it is undoubtedly the best ale you've ever tasted.

As you gulp down the last of your ale, you look around the room at all the people, and four catch your eye. The first is a male dwarf, dressed in armor comprised of bear pelts and goblin skulls with a few patches of dragon scales every now and again. He has long, greasy red hair with a bushy beard going down to his stomach. A crowd of people surround him, cheering "Karak! Karak! Karak!" It appears that the dwarf is Karak Vickon, a famous dwarf warrior hailing from the northern mountains.

The second is an elf, dressed in a dark blue, almost black tunic with a glint from underneath indicating that there is some sort of armor, most likely chainmail which is commonly used by the elves. He has short cut black hair and a goatee, his skin is fair indicating that he is a high elf or perhaps a wood elf, and long scar runs down his upper right forehead to his lower left cheek. He has a quiver on his back, along with a bow made of ivory and gold which is decorated with various gems and jewels. He glances at you, which causes you to look away quickly.

(end of what I have written)

So yeah, what do you all think? I don't plan on making this some big gamey game, just a story of a less than heroic hero and his four party members trying to climb Mount Hazelmyre and steal a dragon's gold, be it through sneaking past him, slaying him, or befriending him.

The writing is pretty nice, Chris. Maybe a tad bit of overwriting in the beginning with the pillars, but the imagery was good. This specifically, reads rather awkward.

"The wooden pillars seen on the outside..."

I'd just carve that down to something like, "Lanterns hang from pegs in the pillars." I think that sounds a little tighter and removes a strange jumble of words.

But you'll have a solid story if you keep up this caliber of writing throughout.

Agreed with Bucky, that line about the pillars was the only one that jumped out at me as awkward.

Otherwise the writing is good and gets the atmosphere of the place across well. Though--and granted, I'm not sure what you have planned exactly--you spent maybe more time than was necessary describing that tavern if it's just going to be a place where you pick up your party and go. Some of that space might've been used to establish a little more about the character instead, unless the idea is to deliberately keep them as a Generic Adventurer Person.

Thanks for the feedback you two. Yeah, I did wonder about that line with the lanterns, I'll be sure to fix that. Also just wanted to have as much detail as possible to make up for how vague I might be later in the story. I might trim it down later so I don't seem to be over-describing it, in fact this should be considered in a very early alpha, so the first page will probably go through a LOT of changes throughout.

As for the character of the protagonist... Well, I'm torn between keeping them as a generic hero with little to no character development and having them be a character as fleshed out as the party members. Only time'll tell what I pick.

Sometimes less can be more. The best advice I think I've ever heard for writing a story is that every single world needs to have a purpose for being there. If it doesn't add to plot, is overly repetitive for no significant purpose and doesn't add to characterization, then the word(s) doesn't/don't belong. Well, that and stabbing passive sentences in the throat with a rusty dagger. If you search/highlight all instances of 'be, being, been, was, were' in your text, you have a good focal point for sentences that might bring more life if reworked to the active voice.

Mizal offered this tidbit to someone else recently - advocating an outline before diving into the meat of the writing. I strongly advise this as well. Typically, I will always write an outline. However, I've been working on a short story recently and I attempted to write strictly from a mental outline. This resulted in the first 1/4 of the story being reworked 10x or more before I could even get to the climax. At that point, I caved and started a hard outline, which is beginning to produce a crisper story. So that's my personal story of support for drafting an outline.

When contemplating a multi-path story, I draw out a full plot tree, similar to my brutal sketch below. The only difference being, I curl it around the entire page, so I can fit more on it.

l
^
l l
^ ^
l l l l
^ ^ ^ ^

(EDIT: Crap. Those are supposed to lined up. I have text editor off, so maybe that screwed it up.)

Along each line, I'll write a short phrase/description that characterizes what the plot point of the choice was, to indicate what should be going on. This works best with four pieces of paper fixed together, so you can add enough description to your lines. Posterboard would work well too. Personally, I find this very useful for plotting the story, creating diverging storylines, encouraging meaningful plot points, etc. At the very least, I would wager it would help you spark some new ideas.

There is some software out there that allows you to do this as well, but I'm old fashioned and mediocre with technology. Plus, the physically copy seems to yell at me more if I'm being lazy.

Good luck, Chris.

Wow.    I want to read this.  

I'm sure if I felt like it I could pick apart . . . I mean proofread that excerpt, but. . . 

Seriously, this sounds like a fine example of generic fantasy, and if you keep that level of quality throughout I'm really looking forward to the finished story.

 

Edited what I had, and I removed the awkward sentence about the lanterns:

From the outside the tavern looks intimate, cozy and humble. Small stones and wooden pillars make up most of the building's outer structure. You cannot see through the closed windows, but the entertained voices from within can be heard outside. As you enter the tavern through the old, oft used wooden door, you're welcomed by a pleasant atmosphere and excitement.

It's as engaging inside as it is on the outside. Lanterns hang from pegs in pillars, and the walls are covered in beautiful paintings, all of which are of rivers, forests and mountains. You recognize one as a painting of Mount Hazelmyre, a mountain nearby which houses a dragon and vast amounts of gold and other treasures.

The inside of the tavern is packed, and tourists seem to be the primary clientele here, which could be seen as the best sign you can get. Several long tables are occupied by separate groups of people, all enjoying themselves and talking and laughing, pints of ale in their swinging hands. The other tables, which are much smaller, are occupied by people who who seem to be strangers to each other, all sitting here because there are no other seats, though they all seem to be enjoying each other's company.

Even most of the stools at the bar are occupied, though nobody seems to mind more company. You did hear rumors about this tavern, it's famous for something, and you can see why. One thing that contributes to its popularity, judging by the music and how many people are dancing, is the band of bards playing here.

You manage to find a seat at the bar and prepare for what will surely be a great evening. "What'll it be, son?" The bartender, an elderly fellow with innumerable wrinkles and a sincere smile on his face, asks you as you sit.

"A pint of ale, please." With that you set down two copper pieces, though the man rejects your money.

"First drink is always on the house." With that, he fills up a mug with ale and some of the foam drips down the glass. You gladly take the mug and drink from it, and it is undoubtedly the best ale you've ever tasted.

As you gulp down the last of your ale, you look around the room at all the people, and four catch your eye. The first is a male dwarf, dressed in armor comprised of bear pelts and goblin skulls with a few patches of dragon scales every now and again. He has long, greasy red hair with a bushy beard going down to his stomach. A crowd of people surround him, cheering "Karak! Karak! Karak!" It appears that the dwarf is Karak Vickon, a famous dwarf warrior hailing from the northern mountains.

The second is an elf, dressed in a dark blue, almost black tunic with a glint from underneath indicating that there is some sort of armor, most likely chainmail, used by the elves. He has short cut black hair and a goatee, his skin is fair indicating that he is a high elf or perhaps a wood elf, and long scar runs down his upper right forehead to his lower left cheek. He has a quiver on his back, along with a bow made of ivory and gold, decorated with various gems and jewels. He glances at you, which causes you to look away.

I'm slowly but ever so surely writing the rest of the page and the second page. Stay tuned, folks.

*five months of slacking off later*

I've made some progress on the story in the last five months, but far less than should be done. I've finished the tavern scene, finished the pages where you interact with your companions (the two not mentioned in what I had written is an elderly male human knight who will serve as our hero's mentor, and a female human rogue), and also some of the journey to about a sixth or so of the way up the mountain.

So far I'm at least a tenth of the way done and at most an eighth if I cut out some of my plans, like a romance side quest with said female rouge (which would be full of narm because Chris sucks at romance) or other side quests (involving exploring the mountain's caves and learning some of its history). Also, this may or may not be necroing a thread for a pointless progress report. Sorry about that, folks. Just figured I'd give a progress report on a story that people probably forgot about.

*cricket cricket*