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So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Hey.

Seeing all these Progress/Motivation threads has, ironically, motivated me to make my own storygame. Definitely going to be more STORY, because I'm lazy and don't want to implement a health or combat system. So one wrong move and you're dead. A CLASSIC!

Currently, though, I've only written one page and I'm focusing on one route. And while I have an idea of what the first route is about, I'm planning to write as I go along as well... and, y'know, improvise.

I'll give out snippets of the story if you guys want to see my progress. Until then, though, I'm keeping it a secret. I will say that it's about me, though. I mean, who else, amirite?

 

So, uh, yeah. That's the plan. Tell me what you guys think. Should I go through with it?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Hey, classics are classics for a reason, right?

Sure. Go for it.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

By classics do you mean something along the lines of Steve Jackson?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

By "Classics" I mean "Flip to page 84 if you choose this; Oh no you died".

So, yes, in a way. But not the gamebook apps. No health or money or combat or dice rolls or anything. Not even Items (maybe, I haven't decided).

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Okay. I like the idea of taking CYOA back to its roots. Go for it.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Just do whatever the hell you want, man. As long it's interesting, it is okay.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Heeeeeeeeeeey.

So, I got another 1 and a half pages done today. Did the first choice and everything.

And, since I have the willpower of a STD-ravaged crack ho since I've gotten some support, I'll post a snippet of what I got so far. I think it's pretty funny.

So yeah. Lemme go copy/paste that real quick, and I'll get back to you guys.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

Chapter 1: Outta Milk

 

You awaken from your slumber. Man, that dream was cray-cray. You gotta stop drinking Mountain Dew© before sleepytime.

As your very tender (and beautiful. Just saying.) eyes open, you see a figure standing above you, in the bright light of your ceiling lamp.

"Tim, wake up! We're out of milk!"

 

That's when it all came back to you.

You're Tim! Tim Fucking Thomas! (Your middle name isn't actually "Fucking", but you tell people that) Yeah! You're amazing! Go you!

You're also in a dead-end job, with two roommates, in a crappy apartment that costs way more than it should. You also have a beat-up Honda© sedan that doesn't have a roof (kinda sucks when it rains).

 

Once everything isn't blurry anymore, you see none other than your best m8, Chris. He's holding up an empty milk gallon.

"Tim, c'mon! Wake up! I need my Cinnamon Toast Crunch© in the morning!" He says, waving the gallon around menacingly.

"What are you blabbering on about, you insolent KNAVE?!" You say jokingly, in a mocking olden-English accent.

 

"Tim, WE'RE OUT OF MILK! "

 

You jolt straight up.

"WHAT?! I JUST BOUGHT SOME YESTERDAY!" You exclaim.

"Yeah... about that..." Chris says, lowering the jug. "I might have... given it to cats..."

"CHRIS! I KNOW CATS ARE ADORBS, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE THEM ALL OF OUR MILK!"

"Well... 'given' doesn't really describe it... it was more like... 'taken'..." Chris admits.

"... Wait... So you're telling me a bunch of stray cats mugged you for our milk?" You say, confused.

"Hey, these weren't normal cats!" Chris says, agitated. "These were..."

He leans in to whisper, as if the words he is about to say is enough to summon the Devil himself.

 

"Warrior Cats."

 

You gasp.

"You got mugged by Warrior Cats?!" You say, eyes wide.

"Well, at first, I heard a "meow" outside our door, and found a little kitten. I goy him a small bowl of milk, but as soon as I placed it down, a TON of other cats with tiny swords and armor and bandanas came outta nowhere, and attacked me. I was being held to the floor and the little kitten I saw earlier held a switchblade to my throat and demanded all the milk we had!"

"And you just GAVE it to them?"

"What else was I supposed to do?!"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LET THEM SLIT YOUR THROAT!"

"... What?"

"I'm joking. You did your best." You say as you put a hand on his shoulder.

"What are we going to do?" Chris says, collapsing to his hands and knees. "We can't live without milk..."

"... Uh... that's water, Chris-"

"I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT MILK!" Chris interrupts, grabbing the collar of your jacket. "PLEASE, TIM, HELP ME!"

 

So, what'll it be, big man? Do you want to search for the cats that stole your milk and raid their shit?

 

  • What? No! Fuck that! I'll just go buy some more!
  • Hell ye boi

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

XD Gr8 job, m8. Keep it up.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

Awesome! Except for one thing: Warrior Cats aren't that strong.?

But who is your second roommate?

 

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

Well, I'm guessing 30 cats with weapons can overpower a young man that doesn't even lift.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

XD. Do you know each other in real life?

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

No, we don't.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

I would like to urge you to never ask that kind of question on the internet again, sir. I feel offended.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

XD.

LUK @ DIS

8 years ago

Looks good. Gotta love that humor.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Cool. Your warrior cats story and my warrior cats story could have a crossover! Now we both have motivation!

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Eyyyyy anyone want to be at my execution? The bleachers are looking pretty empty right now.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing to say yes...

 

Eh, why not. Sure.

 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Really?

Nobody else except Matt?

Aw...

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

You want people excited about seeing you die...? Or is this for moral support?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

What? No! I just wanted to know if you guys wanted cameoes at my execution! I only have, like, 3 people there, and didn't want to fill it with John Does. I guess I was dissapointed that I'd have to fill it with complete strangeres, though.

 

The dialogue is pretty funny, in my opinion.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

I want to! Can you make me just some zombie standing around?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

I could make you a zombie in the bleachers.

Can't just leave a zombie unattended.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

May I make a cameo? It'd be great if it had to do with jars. Maybe an author who prefers the jar genre? And yes, jar is a genre.

 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Sure, Mason.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Oh yeah, and it would be great if you made my zombie a Trump supporter. You don't have to. But that would be the icing on the cake.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Got it.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Hey, I'd like to show up. Portray me as a muscular, pale, pencil wielding man in blue shorts. 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Sure, man.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Eyyyy wrote another few failure paths.

Currently writing the main path, almost done with chapter one.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Well, shit.

It seems we've come at an impasse.

 

I'm having a hard time with the second chapter. I know that the main character has to be assaulted by cultists wanting the milk, but I need a backstory. Why do they want THIS half-empty milk jug so much?! Do they think it's blessed? Do they think it has other worldly effects? Do THEY need milk?

 

Help would be appreciated.

But, y'know. Whatever.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

-Maybe they're aliens who need milk to survive?

-Perhaps this milk is actually the rare milk from an equally rare subspecies of cow?

-Could it be that milk is the missing ingredient to their potion of unending youth?

Those are just a few ideas.

 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Holy shit, just the video I was searching for for the past ten minutes.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Fuck the first one, but those last two actually sound interesting. Especially together.

Ok, so we got the ball rolling. Any other ideas? Remember, they're CULTISTS. Whether the milk be for god, the devil, or cthulhu, they need to worship something.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

A cow god? Maybe that's why this milk is especially sacred?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Hm. Soundsgoodman.mp3

I'll keep my options open, though.

 

How would they plan to get it, then?

Walk up and ask?

Run up and take it?

The old "does this smell like chloroform to you?" Trick?

Random white pedovan abduction?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Pehaps drug the main characters with a halucinagenic gas, and steal the milk dressed as the rare cows?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Wait.

So just, run up and go "HERE SMELL THIS"?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Naw, they gotta be sneaky about it, like pumping it into the air vents.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

... I'm walking home! In the street! In the middle of the day!

Also, wouldn't they have to know intricate knowledge about the building?

What building would I be in?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Maybe they shoot a dart instead? Or drive by, releasing the gas?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

... drive-by gas?

 

"ORALE, HOLMES, LETS GAS THIS FOOL, EH"

*points smoke machine at person on sidewalk*

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

More or less. XD

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

You mean like this? http://youtu.be/p6oVoGpte9-P?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

So, why did the aliens want the milkshake machine?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Are those cultists cats or humans?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

*Barely suppresses seething anger and hatred*

Why humans, of course. The cats are more of a gang thing.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Damn it, I failed to rob that kid's last point. I'm thinking about robbing your points again... or I can attempt to rek him again.

Some furries are smart, but the smarter ones are usually on our side, such as Rosetail or Mitchekie. Humans? So... someone like those 'hated' people? Ryder cultist?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

FUCKING FIGHT ME RAVEN

DON'T DANCE AROUND IT

That's the problem, Raven. I don't have any backstory on them.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Bruh, you just got rekt. Git lucky, scrub.

ZagHero's suggestion is a good one. But associating those cultists with Ryder or Brennon would be inappropriate. Associate them with MasonJarGuzzi maybe? Something to do with jars?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Check again.

It doesn't HAVE to be member-related, Raven.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Well... you know, those Masonjar jokes.

It can be also something to do with uhh... real life. You can relate them to your hated people IRL. 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

IT CAN BE FICTIONAL, RAVEN!

It doesn't have to be a reference to anything!

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Even though you have referenced Warrior Cats already.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

I'm not making a story made of 100% pure grade- A references, guys!

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Well, no one asked you to. I don't think you should.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

I was just suggesting since that's all I can think of.

I can't really think other than backstories of former soldiers, families, a knightess, and things like that...

Hey, I beat you. But I'm not sure why I'm getting notifications that I lost 10 times to you. The notifications are bugged, I guess.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Yup.

I guess so.

;D

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Well... you tend to be more comedic while I tend to be more kick-ass and "tacticool" when it comes to storywriting.

Yes, it's bugged. So check out the point history instead.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

And, both are good in stories, but greater if combined!

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Like Deadpool?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

Exactly.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Deadpool ftw.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

thx 4 not deleting the entire thing, Kiel. Sorry about that.

I <3 u bbz

So, motivation threads are a thing...

8 years ago

#Tim_Farren

thx papa

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

:P ... Here, let's just save some time, shall we? #Kiel_Everyone. I love you all.  I tolerate you all. xD 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Been distracted lately.

Added some pages and things, including Secret Cults, Explosions, and Ice Cream.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

It's alright Timmy. We're still here for you.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Please don't call me that.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

EXTREE EXTREE

READ ALL ABOUT IT

SECRET CULT NOW HIRING

 

Anybody want more Cameos, or suggestions?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

The Brotherhood of Kiel would make great cameos.

@MasonJarGuzzi

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

No.

Stop that.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Jawohl, kommandant.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

HMMMMM......how about it, Tim?

If not....maybe just a random ninja named Mason :D

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

GAH NO

Also... why would a random ninja be in the secret cult?

Doesnt he have ninja stuff to do?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

U nuw u luv me

Eh, you're free to implement me in anyway.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

It would amuse me, I admit.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Nah bro, it's the Brotherhood of the Farren.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

I'd rather it wasn't. :P

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Then what name do you prefer?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

.....Brotherhood of Kiel.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

So Mason and Zag are the loyal followers of the amazing and majestic and lovely Kiel Farren while I'm a commander mercenary with my own private forces, eh?

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

"Lovely"? O.o "Majestic"? xD Eh, they do say flattery will get you everywhere. 

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

You are now a unicorn.

So, motivation threads are a thing...

7 years ago

Hmm. I think those adjectives do apply to Kiel, but I like more of a loving, yet mighty.