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I feel the cold, sharp steel of the knife against my palm. Drawing out a bit of that sweet, beautiful crimson, watching it go drip drip drip on my mahogany-colored floor. I gasp a bit as the pain rushes through me, filling me with pleasure. Believe me, I've tried other things; the bottle, the pipe, but nothing is as fulfilling, as rewarding, as the blade. I look down at the woman on the floor, barely breathing, her mouth and wrists taped. My first playmate. My little pet.

A piece of the new storygame I'm working on. Anybody have tips or something on how to write better, or direction I should take the story in/what choices I should add in?

Jeez! That's some dark shit. You're a very talented writer, just make sure you don't go over board with this stuff. 

After all, this is a family site.

Thanks. :) I had another game posted, but I took it down.

I feel the cold, sharp steel of the knife against my palm. Drawing out a bit of that sweet, beautiful crimson, I watch it drip, drip, drip onto the mahogany floor. I gasp as the pain rushes through me, filling me with pleasure. Believe me, I've tried other things: the bottle, the pipe... But nothing is as fulfilling - nor as rewarding - as the blade. I look down upon the woman on the floor, barely breathing, her mouth gagged and wrists bound.

My first playmate. My little pet.

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^ That's how I'd edit that for grammar, pacing and flow.

"Drawing out a bit of that sweet, beautiful crimson, watching it go drip drip drip on my mahogany-colored floor."

^ If you do it right, you can play fast and loose with fragments and run-on sentences in fiction. But this one doesn't quite work properly.

Drawing out a bit of that sweet, beautiful crimson, I watch it drip, drip, drip onto the mahogany floor.

^ There's a minor pause when you hit a comma. I think they enhance the tonal effect of the blood dripping in this instance. Colored is an unnecessary word, so it gets the axe. It doesn't add too characterization, enhance imagery or advance the plot. We know the color of the floor.

"Believe me, I've tried other things; the bottle, the pipe, but nothing is as fulfilling, as rewarding, as the blade."

^ Nothing technically wrong here, but I edited it for pacing. I'm nit-picking here and probably showing some personal bias to formatting sentence structures.

Believe me, I've tried other things: the bottle, the pipe... But nothing is as fulfilling - nor as rewarding - as the blade.

^ Obviously, the ellipsis slows the narration. And then it picks up again, only to be delayed by the hyphened text, before delivering the final blow. Hyphens should be used sparingly, as too many clutter the pages. But they are a nice tool and have a longer pause than a comma.

"I look down at the woman on the floor, barely breathing, her mouth and wrists taped."

^ Unless you have given a reason to suggest your character is also on the floor or on the ceiling for some reason, it's safe to let the reader figure out you're looking downwards on the woman, seeing as she's on the floor.

I look down upon the woman on the floor, barely breathing, her mouth gagged and wrists bound.

^ I kept "down" here though, due to the tonal shift it can give us with a change in phrasing. "Down upon" suggests an emotional feeling or attitude directed toward the target, whereas "at" is just generic phrasing. I think "gagged" and "bound" enhance the imagery. They're solid words that possess inherent danger.

"My first playmate. My little pet."

^ I separated this into its own paragraph to give it more of punch. Standing alone, the words have more power. I'd even consider scrapping one of the sentences completely, and choosing whichever you think is more precise.

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Your imagery is pretty solid, but subtle changes in sentence structure and wording can enhance or detract from your tone, imagery and how the passage reads.

The torture technician that operates without a goal, other than being an insane and crazy denizen, isn't particularly appealing to me. I encourage you to give him another reason for his depravity. He can still be crazy, but give him a reason to kill, even if isn't a good one to a sane man.

I would count simply taking pleasure from killing/causing pain as a non-reason.

An overarching goal/purpose may help you avoid falling into the realms of torture porn.

Good luck.

EDIT: Upon further review, this probably should be three paragraphs. The sentence about looking down upon the woman should be its own as well, since it is a separate idea from the bulk of the text before it.

Damn. I'll definitely take all of this into mind.