Samson, the biblical hero of great strength, seemingly had much going for him.  He was strong, had women, and could even kill 1000 men with only the jawbone of a donkey for a weapon.  However, in the biblical account, Samson is betrayed by Delilah, and ends up blind and imprisoned before his heroic death.  Could he have chosen a different path? Or was the path he chose the best one available. You get to choose. 

This storygame was created as an entry for EndMaster's Myth & Religion Contest

The end of the world is nigh - or at least the end of your world. Rebellion has been stirring in the Middle Kingdom, which is nothing new. But now, the Empress' book of power is missing. This book contains the secret words of power by which she created and set the foundations of her kingdom. In the wrong hands, they could undo everything, including you. You play as Artem, the Empress' top champion as you seek to retrieve the book and keep the kingdom in status quo.

Created as an entry for EndMaster's Crisis Contest

You play as Peter, a young high school student attending a Halloween Party. But remember, things, and people are not always what they seem.

An entry for Mizal's Damned and the Shamed Contest 2023.

A certain story

Shut up retard.  

kek

Clearly you have stumbled into the wrong forum.  Badmouthing noobs is a time honored tradition and helps weed out the whiny retards.

Also, you act like you seem to believe that you have any sort of authority to "make rules" or demand that folks adhere to topics that you choose.  And being fair, badmouthing noobs is at least entertaining, unlike discussing your "storygame".

Thats a stupid rule.  Fighting others sharpens your skills and helps demonstrate dominance.  This is CYS not CoG.

Ok, since you asked I will be extra nice in the advice that I give. So here goes:

I am not reading some unfinished slew of sewage crapped out by some random noob and trying to critique it's merits, of which I  am sure there are none. 

But here is the part of advice that might help you to turn it into something at least moderately passable. Looking at the comments it appears that you havent really created anything unique, so write a story YOU want to tell. Even with a fanfic, (as Sherb indicated) you should have unique story elements there. Spend time with it and actually work to create the best story you can. Give it depth, and make sure that you eliminate as many SPAG errors as possible. And make it a complete story, don't make it some piecemeal refuse.

But I tell you what.  If you publish a complete storygame, I promise to read it and comment on it.

This is a "feature" not an "error".

I think I saw that show in Tijuana

Most of us refer to that as quality alone time. But those discussions are not appropriate for a public forum

I'm in.

Wow. Weird.  Based upon your writing I was betting you were actually 12 and probably no older than 14.