A Super Tale

Well this was pretty weird. I think ultimately I liked it though, it's quirky and there's a lot that's fun here even if it's not the most amazing writing in the world.

Things I didn't like were the killing of the master, particularly the fact that it's necessary in order to continue. Or really I guess any time anyone is killed. Seems jarringly out of place in an otherwise pretty goofy story, and making them bloodless kills that are just completely glossed over makes it worse in a way, because why do it at all when there's no sense of it mattering? The master could've been knocked unconscious and congratulated you before skipping town and that would've dealt with the main issue, since her death seemed the most out of place.

Anyway, the ongoing CYS references were amusing and even the school portions of the plot managed to keep my interest, things were always just off enough there to keep paying attention to. The structure of this, the way it went day by day and established routines and characters created a sense of familiarity with them all that I liked. If we'd gotten school based stories like this as a regular thing there'd have been no reason to nuke that category.


This is also the most number obsessed game I've ever encountered. I read this on mobile which isn't the most attentive approach, but between the numbers and the fact I never did quite figure out what or who the dark cloud was I'm thinking I may have missed something.

Oh, and one typo I spotted:
Motivated, Jasmine pushes a little harder than before, and the second half of the journey only takes 59 minutes! Being strong is really not Verity's, well, strong suit.

This was when we were in the cages. I had Verity as my partner, but the text randomly switched to Jasmine here.

Jasmine by the way, was fucking annoying, so great job establishing that, even if the character actually being happy when he thought she was dead again was a little jarring and out of place.

it was ok

Y'know, this should be at #1, unlike the 30 minute story game I wrote on CYS inside CYS.

I really truly enjoyed this. It was funny, the characters were compelling, and I always got a laugh from the apple shenanigans and 'The Yo and the Dude'

Good

I don't like that I have to go to 185 Superville drive no matter what I do.

I can't really criticize much when I know that a story this size takes a ton of effort, but it could've used more proofreading and just feels like it's missing something. Some parts were really funny but maybe it just needed more detail and character development to make up for the parts where the humor didn't work. But I was still interested enough to read it all, good job.

I would have rated it higher, but for the grammar errors. Story was ok. I wanted more choices.

1 point, that's right. I reject your attempts to make me do the plot.

Not a bad effort~