Blooded

I should start by addressing the numerous dialogue issues. More than likely, this is due to the presence of two authors. I'm assuming one of you is a little less skilled than the other, hence why we have numerous cases of periods blocking dialogue tags, commas pre-tensing action tags, etc.

Onto the positives!

I really appreciate how traditional of a CYOA this is. There are so many options. It doesn't follow a linear story, you can join the vampires, become a hunter, and more. Each path was delightfully long but not overly so, just enough to enjoy the pure ecstasy that comes from this dark world our protagonist inhabits.

The descriptions were brief, but detailed enough. Side characters had difficulty showcasing their own, individual personalities, which I suspect is due to them not actually having any. They were two-dimensional, serving their purpose only as long as the plot demands it, with no sense of them being real people.

Though I appreciate the vast array of routes, once you became locked into a specific route, choices were incredibly sparse. The Vampire Hunter route must have had twenty pages of nothing but single-link continuations. What if I didn't want to go back to the church? What if I didn't want to investigate the pounding? Apparently that doesn't matter, because I was never given a choice on it.

Some creative ideas were toyed around with, such as the concept of vampires being damned. These were only used near the end of any specific route, thankfully, and so, while never reaching their apex, kept the reader invested enough in the story.

Now the length is this story's real downfall. My favorite route, the Vampire Hunter route, ended just when things got good. I wanted to invade Hell, usurp Satan, etc. A battle that stretches for eons. There should've at least been a final choice and an epilogue, and I would have been happy.

Overall, this is an excellent story and I can see why it was featured. It's a perfect dark-fantasy action storyline.

There are obviously some flaws here; both of you were too busy blowing each other to proofread (or whatever "rushing" for the "deadline" is supposed to be a euphemism for...) and there's the issues with how linear it is. But I know you're both aware of all this already so I don't see any reason to go on about it.

(And to be fair 'linearity' only gets brought up due to the nature of the contest. Taking the story as a whole there are two major, completely separate paths here, perfectly respectable for a CYOA even if there's not a lot of variation once you're on them.)

Really, none of the issues were distracting enough to take away from the fact this was an entertaining, action packed story that did some very cool things with the subject matter. Vampires are almost as bad as zombies sometimes in the way they're overused and abused by pop culture, but you guys gave them their dignity back here.

Steve's path reminded me in some ways of Path of Death, though Count Grey is a far eviler fuck than the necromancer ever was. The linearity was there, but disguised well with lots of ways to screw up and die. (Which does make a certain amount of sense given the character's line of work...) I was told what the choice in the beginning would be before I started reading, but the choice was written here in a way that made a lot more sense for the character than I thought possible.

Malk's suffered a little more obviously from being written in a hurry with the sparsity of choices, but what's there is so unique and cool. I am seriously in love with this setting. Malk, if you're not all vampired out by now I would love to see this or something similar expanded into a longer story to do some of these ideas justice.

Well, this is certainty the best of the contest entries, but it might be because there is only two. :(
First, the two writing styles really are quite different between Steve and Malk, though a very prominent similarity would be the linear nature of both stories. Nonetheless, the deadline caused this (and the lack of a thorough proofreading as well).
As for the story, I liked Steve's section more. (It is the one where you are with the vampire.) The only blaring problem was that: A. I have to serve the vampire who murdered my family. B. I'm forced to be a murderous arse to live. Most of my concern is with B actually. He murders in order to live (since vampires need blood). I murder to stay alive (since he'll kill me if I don't do what he says). Of course, I could refuse and die, but I want to continue with the story. Nonetheless, I have no more sympathy for the protagonist, for he is now a vampire in all but name.
However, the assault on the castle/fine battle in Steve's storyline. It was quite exhilarating. I don't want to spoil it, but it's essentially a chaotic melee with more than one faction.
My favorite aspect of Malk's storyline was his concept. After seeing his family murdered in front of his eyes, he becomes a vampire killer. The writing was strong though unpolished in comparison to Steve's, but Steve is one of the site's most successful authors (which means you did better than almost anyone else, Malk).
Anyway, I hope you publish more storygames, Malk. Steve, I look foreword to your next endeavor. :)

My favorite comment on this by far is still the "anonymous" rant by the AIDs obsessed Utah Mormon who never met Steve but got mad about Malk being slightly rude to him on a discord server. Going from zero to enraged autistic frothing and randomly accusing people of child predation really underlines the character of these people.

This stinks!

Sus

It's alright.. There a lot of grammatical mistakes that need fixing but otherwise it's not bad, but not good. In the middle I'd say.

Damn. Came here through an AIDungeon Reddit Threat. Was not disappointed.

Author of this CYOA is known to talk about defending Child predators with vigour, trolling and laughing and ridiculing child abduction on various servers. Honestly, wouldn't say if getting a drug test passed with flying colors is a higher bar than being a Aidungeon writer, i wouldn't say im surprised the person turned out such a huge and concerning disappointment and cp protector.

Got shot in the head while talking shit about how my master will slay my attackers. 10/10