Ciara's Game

This was really difficult to read. It was really well-written and engaging, enough for me to feel like I was actually in the story...but that same empathic connection made reading what had been done really difficult.

I liked that, as the story progressed, it revealed more and more about Ciara's past. About what she'd gone through during her life. By the end of it, I'm not sure I reached any real resolution, at least in my head. It felt unfinished...but I think that fit for the story. Fit with the character.

The atmosphere was tense and creepy right from the start and I was drawn in pretty much straight away. This fit in really well with the feel of the Saw movies, even if some of the scenes did make me flinch and wince.

As much as I would like to see what other endings there are, this story did have quite a strong effect on me that I think I need to wait a while before stepping back into the world. It definitely left me with a huge amount to think about, though!

'You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose'... you leave a comment.

Dear lord this starts off creepy. Anytime a character stumbles upon pictures of themselves, it’s frightening. Photos capture a moment of our lives. They bring emotion. They take us back in time. If someone with ill intention towards you has photos of you, it’s like they have a power over your past. Throw in some candles and you have a recipe for sh*tting your pants. As any Saw fanfic should, the feeling of helplessness and utter futility is created. There’s no messing around. You get thrust into the sick game directly from the start.

This probably goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway. This type of storygame will live or die by the writing quality. I only bring it up the obvious because Saw is known for its gruesome and gory scenes. If we, the reader, aren’t being brought along on a neck-chilling adventure, the story will fall short. If we aren’t grossed out by the horrid things Ciara is put into, then the story will fall short. It’s clear that the writing quality is superb and detailed i.e. an entire page dedicated to a man burning alive. If you aren’t experiencing the afore mentioned feelings, then you’re a psychopath who probably should be locked up.

The jigsaw puppet was done well without going over the top. One of the best benefits of a Fanfic is that you can use already established lore in the story. Since I already had a view of the jigsaw puppet, his introduction into the story was strong. He kept the same character as the movies. I love how he’s telling a story as if trying to ‘help’ his victims. In his defense (can’t believe I just said that), his victims tend to be rejects or people with huge character flaws.

Although it seemed rather repetitive at times, I could tell attempts were made to change it up a bit. For example, the structure was largely: Walk through door, listen to tape, choose to save victim or let them die. When I arrived at the ‘detective scene’, it was a nice change of pace. Instead of a recording telling me the options, I got to figure it out for myself based on clues. Going along with my ‘live or die’ paragraph above, suspense is another element that is a must. The reader must deeply be engaged, not knowing what will happen if you choose the wrong box or door. I think the author excelled in the suspense category.

Speaking of excelling, the character detail was, in fact, excellent. Each person you encountered was given a detailed, relevant backstory. This plays a major part into deciding whether or not to save them. They’re all f*cking scumbags, but so are you. Lol. Are you really willing to let these people die horrible deaths because they’re flawed humans? I sure as hell did, but it was a difficult choice. Besides maybe the stepfather none are complete Hitler wannabes. Sure, they’re shit-bags but there was always a reason behind their actions. Most to all weren’t acting evil for the sake of being evil. If they were, letting them die wouldn’t be much of a choice.

It all leads up to an incredibly moving conclusion. I included a lot of spoilers in this comment, but I’ll refrain from putting anything about the ending in. It’s definitely a worthwhile one. The entire storygame builds to crescendo in a marvelous way. Play it to find out. This is the first storygame that made me think about real life implications. Like, sure there are shitty people doing shitty things IRL, but spoiler alert: you’re doing the same. Don’t be so naïve to think you’re just the victim. We’re all victims and victimizers. Today you may find yourself on the safe side of the torture chamber, but tomorrow may be different. Great storygame.

Disclaimer: I've never seen Saw (a terrible negligence I know) so I won't be able to tell how faithful this is to the original work. This didn't hinder my experience at all though, as the story works very well on its own; despite not being long or overly branched, it looked complete and varied.

I'll start with more technical comments.
I didn't notice any grammar mistakes and your writing style followed the theme of the story nicely, with brisk action sentences and detailed descriptions of gore. Ciara's feelings are present throughout the narrative, but you haven't let them shrink or distort our perspective, leaving the view wide enough for us to see every action in painful clarity. The general structure was schematic and quite linear; this of course shut down some possibly interesting paths, but it didn't feel like a heavy loss since this was a kind of survival horror.

Now for the actual elements of the story.
The torture machines were creative (e.g. the melted coins) and vividly gut-wretching (the degloving and the ass-shot did it for me). I also liked the final twist and the fact that the villain mastermind is never revealed in any way. The only criticism I have is the same one Steve and Cricket made: the moral choices that led to you surviving didn't make much sense. Forrest did the same thing to us as we did to Annette's daughter, but if we kill him she doesn't kill us. The only reason I can think of is that that was the only way Annette could see that she needed to put a stop to the cycle of violence created among Trigga's subjects, but even this explanation seems forced.

In the end though this comes out as a successful try and shows you're more than capable of making readers squirm, which is a very important quality.

This was really well done!

Well written and a nice challenge to find the correct combination of choices.

Overall, recommended.

Wow

It took me a while to get the right combination but I was able to live in the end.

10/10 don't want to play again because I figured out all of the combinations.

YES, I FINALLY WON!!!!,
this is great! it’s not too easy to win, but I didn’t lose interest long enough to want to quit or anything. for long, anyways. great game, really!

For anyone that just wants to get the ending (obvious spoilers if you wanna find it on your own):

Save, Kill Both, Save, Kill.

Which is weird cause the one comment I read that talks about getting the forgiveness ending went "kill, save mom, save, kill". I dunno what's up with that, just saying what worked for me.

it good, just a bit gruesome but also creative good job

Should I have done something different? How do you NOT die?

This story was just amazing. I loved it to pieces, and rightfuly so. There are so many things to love about this story I have no idea where to even start. The game is just so full of personality and flair. And for a contest no less! I mean for real, every contest has the few stories that stand out in the pile of rushed stories to escape shame, and this certinly was one of them.

The main drawing point for me here was the moral deliemas. I went through it killing everyone in the story, only to find out that all of my choices have conquenses, and that I too am a horiable person. It is just so good at making you think, and learning all of the characters backstories kept me engaged the whole way through. It is filled with twists and turns that are impossiable to see coming. I love how much I hated every character in here, and I even had the delight to talk with the author about the story after the fact.

Not only does this story weave a web of amazing plot, characters, and twists, it is also very creative. By creative I mean the ways that it tries to murder you and the games you have to watch. Some of these things are just amazing works of art. Though they may have been taken from saw itself, witch I would have no clue about because…

I’ve never seen saw! All these amazing things I’ve said about this story have come from the eyes of a person who has never even seen the source material it is based upon!

Now if you are reading this and have not read this please do so. Even if you have never seen saw, I promise this will not let you down. I love this story so much, and you will too.

7 out of 8