Dawnwood

This story feels rushed, almost like a linear story that was converted to interactive fiction at the last minute by adding false choices at various points, but it still has the makings of a great horror story.


Good:

1. This story had a cinematic feel to it. The beginning felt like a Goosebumps book, while the rest of it felt like a horror movie. With much revision, I could see movie studios purchasing this as a script.

2. The horror elements were particularly well done. The taut suspense in scenes kept me on my toes, the creepy small-town atmosphere and gory moments were effectively written, and there was an enjoyable contrast between the mundane everyday parts and the eventual horrifying interactions with the antagonists of the story.

3. How your earlier choices could lead to more options at the climax to reach different endings. I particularly enjoyed the drastic difference in tone of the ending that required a certain persistent action earlier in the story.

4. Little details, like Carter's racist father, the RV's, and Herr Eichel's hummed tune made the world feel more alive.


Bad:

1. The story was riddled with errors, ranging from typos and grammar to passages that were copy and pasted wholesale from other pages that shouldn't have been. Proofreading and revision is sorely needed.

2. The endings could have been expanded, like providing proper epilogues.


Ugly:

1. The story was extremely linear. With the exception of the scenes near the climax, most of the choices made no difference in the story whatsoever or led to the exact same destination page.

2. The characterization was weak on the whole. I had trouble remembering who was who because the characters were so generic and undifferentiated. Other than Ant, who had a notable origin for his name, none of the characters were particularly memorable. I especially wish the human villains were more fleshed out as characters, especially before they revealed themselves.

Dawnwood read like a 2nd draft to a great story. As is, there were parts that were bad, and there were also parts that were really good. Overall, it demonstrated talent and potential on the part of the author, as one who is capable of producing great works given more care and effort into revision and polish.

It took a bit before the story really hit its stride, but it slowly unfolded into a really entertaining horror story. There are a lot of bloody, gruesome ways to die - in fact, there's just a lot of blood and gruesome things in general - but the reveal of Dawnwood as a town with a dark secret was very well done, and some of the endings were very satisfying.

The characters are somewhat stock for the genre and don't seem to have all that much depth, so it reads a bit like a cliché young adult romance at first. I was worried, at first, that it would be taking the Twilight route, but then the second half - which was far more plot heavy - kicked in, and the story took a sharp turn for the better. Or, the more macabre, but that's a good thing, given the genre.

All in all, I had fun, there was definitely a sense of horror and dramatic tension, and the story was expansive and long enough to keep me playing for quite a while. Some more proof-freading would help, since there are mistakes here and there, and a little more characterization would help make the plot more compelling, but it's not bad. Not bad at all.

This is a very good, but extremely strange read. I don't know what else to say about it, its good, I love The Dead Man, and the comment: "I'm the Grim fucking Reaper." Made on one path where he basically goes fucking batshit and kills a ton of people. Death and Vengeance, the perfect combination.

It was good, though a little wierd

Bravo!

Weird.

Great Story, but the grammar is atrocious! This story has quite a bit of potential, but is filled with errors and misused words. Keep trying!

It's good but too short !

Loved it

I found around 5 endings and all I have to say is that you Sir... are THAT DUDE.