Dreams of Plague

Interesting game!

This game does a good job of putting you in the middle of 3 major plagues from History. Many of the options lead to death - which is great since we are dealing with a plague - and this contributes to the feeling of helplessness in that situation.

I enjoyed that the narrative allowed several different paths or experiences in each of the eras. And found it interesting to see where each story went.

Overall, enjoyable game and worth reading.

General Recommendation: A short and very atmospheric game that fans of history (and plagues) will enjoy.
Preview: Can you survive three of history’s plague outbreaks?

=SPOILERS BELOW=

General notes:
There’s something very surreal and askew about this game, everything feels just slightly off-kilter. It does a good job setting the tone of the story, and works well with the apocalyptic nature of the plot, as well as the repeated theme of dreams.
Linking the chapters together as the next character’s dream is a good way to tie the chapters together in more than just theme and plot. It seems that the final chapter is the “real” protagonist, since there’s no one after them. It would be nice to see the outcome of previous chapters have some effect on gameplay later on, such as a “victory” ending for a player who survives all three outbreaks.
The author clearly did their research, as evidenced by the cited sources at the end. I like that there’s a lot of historical context here, not just for the plague outbreaks, but for hte cultural and religious context of the time.

Specific notes:
-I recommend against censoring cursing. If your’e going to curse, curse. Asteriks just distract the reader.
-The beginning jumps right into the conflict, which draws the reader in, if somewhat more jerkily than would be ideal.
-I like how the robed man is characterized through his speech style. It’s somewhat archaic, which fits the setting.
-Not really sure why I got thrown into prison.
-The repeated theme of religion across the chapters is interesting.
-The death text is the same for all the chapters, it’d be nice to see a bit more variety.
-I like that the challenges you face in each era are slightly different and tailored to the protagonist of the time.
-The first chapter is more detailed than the others, has more branching, and is tougher to survive.

Grammar:
Generally good, a couple typos. Any word beginning a line of dialogue should be capitalized.
Mastery of Language:
The sentence structure is well constructed and varied, but a little choppy. The paragrapah seperation is distracting, since this site doesn’t use tabs I recommend having a full line break between each paragraph.

Branching:
This is a very linear game, but unlike most linear games, I think it benefits from being a storygame rather than just a story. Giving the player the opportunity to fail and die impresses on them the chaotic nature of the situation.

Player Options/fair choice:
Eh. It’s tough to readily tell in advance which options will lead to death and which won’t.

WRITING ADVICE:
To deal with your choppy sentence structure, I recommend reading your lines aloud to see how they flow together.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: I died all three times lol. Was this a school project?

CONCLUSION: A short and diverting game notable for its use of atmosphere and tone.

died three times, 10/10

That was f***ing fun, I particularly liked the interesting swear editor. :D Some odd breaks in the sentences and I like the fact the guard gave me freedom for shoes but we seemed to jump quickly from that to death. I’m not sure why there are numbers scattered throughout the story but it was interesting to learn how badger powder is made. The subject matter is an odd one to pick but interesting enough for the story’s length. Not a bad effort. Nice referencing at the end.

This was a really good game. I liked the tempo, but if you could add a "Go Back" button, to allow us to see what would happen in the different choices, that would be great.

This was interesting. The story was well written and descriptive. I didn't catch many spelling errors.

This is also the first Storygame I've read with a bibliography. I don't think you needed to do that, but it was much appreciated. I enjoyed learning the full story of what inspired this one.

6/10

Plagues and diseases? Always a fun stuff for me! Hehe, glad to see that you included the justinian plague in this story. If you ever want to expand on it: the pneunomic plague of 1924 in LA, US is quite an interesting read.

I enjoyed the story itself. I like how it took you through different time periods and how the plague impacted the characters you have. There is room for improvement with some proofreading, but this would be better as a short story in it's current state.

I say this because there are few actual branching choices, as a majority of them lead into eachother (examples: Chapter 2, Chapter 3). This make the game very linear. If given more time to explore different branches, I think the reader would learn more from the time periods and how society reacted to the plgaue. The branching would not only help categorize this as a CYOA, but allow you to venture deeper into the setting, making an overall experience more enjoyable.

Synopsis:
Play through several different plagues in this dream within a dream within a dream. Will you survive the sickness?

Positives:
- Listing the sources at the end of the text was something more edutainment games should do. I’ve given a few of them (specifically 4,7 and 8) a read, they’re clearly interesting pieces of history and your enthusiasm for them shines in the script. However, I wish the sources linked to information at the bottom of each of the pages instead of at the end: flipping through the webpages was annoying.
- Grammar is on point. There are a few SPAG mistakes, listed below, but these are minimal.

Things to improve:
- First, SPAG. Here’s the mistakes I’ve spotted:
1) On the ‘The Plague of Justinian (542)’ page, you say ‘contact with the cold tile beneath you’. Is this one singular large tile? If not, it’s ‘tiles’ because it’s a plural.
2) On the ‘You take the robed man's hand.’ Page, you write ‘"His only gift" you mutter under your breath.’ This should be ‘"His only gift," you mutter under your breath.’
3) On the ‘Talk to your cellmate.’ page, you write ‘gird of wooden bars.’ Unless you mean to encircle a belt and this is a metaphor, I’m assuming this should be ‘grid’.
4) On the ‘Take the job’ page, you write ‘grave sit’ instead of ‘grave site’.
- This story is rated 7/8 on the maturity scale, I wouldn’t worry about censoring the word ‘fucking’.
- On the ‘you take the robed man’s hand’ page, all my choices lead to the same ending. Why even offer them? I feel that this game in general could have been written as a short story as it’s a gauntlet with almost zero choice, since at the end of each chapter it links back round to the next chapter (no matter your choices).

Overall this is a good story for, what I’m pretty sure is, a school project. I wish there were more choices, but overall it is well written. I look forward to your future works, if any.