Into The Darkness

You did a great job with the branching. And you started off the story very strong, with quite a bang.

I really like that you didn't write too much in the beginning and instead made it snappy and concise.

You did a great job with the branching of this story. I liked the way you incorporated sensory details and descriptors describing the characters like when you talk about the smell of wood dust. It feels like a bodice-ripper fantasy romance novel, and although those aren't really my thing because I'm not really the target demographic, I can understand and appreciate the skill and care you took to write this story. You made really good use of the time alotted to you in this contest, and nowhere does it get sloppy or rushed.

There's also a logic behind the choices, which I like. On the page, "Wait until nightfall", you have 2 choices: go left or go right. Sometimes authors make one of those a good choice and one of them a bad choice, but it's completely random. Here you explain that if you take the right passage, you are less likely to cross paths with Thorne.

I also like the way you wrote the action sequences like the fight between you+elrond vs Thorne

I don't really know much about this world or Thorne, so in addition to all that branching(seriously, good job on the branching, it's hard to do), flesh out the main story a bit more so readers can be more invested.

You have an engaging an interesting writing style, and the content of the story is well-thought out. The pacing is also good.

My overall rating for this game that I gave is a 6/8. This game has a target audience and I'd say that the game did a great job reaching that audience.

Our tale begins with a necromantic orgy. And the more your read, the more you realize that everyone is fucking everyone through the veil of separating the living and the dead. The world is a veritable smorgasbord of wet spirit slapping and ghostly moans of pleasure. If you like necromancy and you like sex, why wouldn't you like this?

What I liked: The author doesn't beat you over the head with exposition describing the world and the relationships of the characters. Instead it tells you the story through dialogue, and doesn't hold your hand. This is an important skill, IMHO, because it makes the world feel independently alive, as if you're just witnessing a piece of something that exists without you there to see it.


What I didn't like: The homoerotic necromancy romance got a bit too sappy in some places. And I would have liked a more in depth exploration of Thorne, why he's such a vile POS, and more about this Academy and what's going on in the world. When we want to review a bunch of stories, we tend to love the stories that are blessedly short. But this one needed to be longer. I know the play length is a 6 (roughly 30,000 words), but a lot of that is because there is a lot of branching. I feel like the main storyline needed an extension.

But, if this is a small part of a series, then that last complaint is irrelevant.


Overall, this was pretty good. There's potential for a more expanded examination of this universe — if you can stomach the spiritual romance. Some people love that, some people don't.

I would have rated it higher, except the next higher rating was 'better than Reese's Cups' and you made me crave Reese's Cups first thing in the morning, fren XD

(Also, I really would have liked being able to escort the new frens all the way home. But that's okay.) I really really liked it though!!