Kidnappers of Tyro

You definitely put effort into this, but the prose needs work. A lot of your sentences are examples of weak writing. Use strong nouns and verbs to paint clearer and more vivid pictures in the minds of your readers.

You should always do a thorough grammar check before posting a story. There are some basic grammar flaws sprinkled around.

More content please. :)

The writing was engaging from the few pages that were there, but when I blinked it was already over. I'm aware that this is just chapter one of a larger story but it was a bit short, to say the least.

The writing is quite good, a few spelling and grammar errors. You know how to catch someones attention and get them hooked. I definitely want to see where this goes. I would suggest holding off on publishing each small chapter and publish one complete story.

It caught my interest for about two seconds, and then the game was over.

It's 'you're meeting someone' not 'your' by the way. The first sentence should end with something like 'in your nice suit' as well. The writing as a whole was nice though, and better than I expected from reading the description.

The main issue is again, this is far too short.

Oh, and I was mildly amused at how you were the one holding the gun when the police arrived, yet somehow didn't get arrested or shot.

The writing was of good quality, however the story was very linear and way too short.