My Life as a Magician

Spoilers ahead

The first thing that really bothers me about this game is the fact how every page is just a massive wall of text. You should always break it up into smaller paragraphs and start a new line when a new person talks in dialogue. It just makes stuff so much more easy to read.

The overall plot idea wasn't bad. I just did not like the execution very much. Whenever I read something like "school of magic" my mind wanders towards the Harry Potter series. Although this game does not really contain much about the school life of your character it should at least be written well.

The fact that you ultimately want to fight Malture is a logical concept. Protagonist against antagonist it is just that simple sometimes. The fact that he disguises as the schools headmaster also is quite interesting and brings with it a certain twist.
The way that you do learn of that disguise however is very poorly executed in my opinion. Also the way you describe him, in those short sentences you used, make him seem to be a great and powerful wizard with nearly demonic features. It is highly unrealistic for a normal student of a magical school to just kill him with a single spell. It does not give any feeling of accomplishment or skill or strength if the big bad evil can be defeated so easily.

The story overall also lacks description and detail making it hard for the reader to immerse himself in that story to much.

You get a 2/8 from me for the good basic plot idea and the fact you tried to implement story elements like twists and surprises. To gain a better rating you should put in more effort to flesh them out though.

Where to begin?

The spacing could have certainly been better. I felt like each page just had a large block of writing on it, and it would have been better if you'd spaced it out into multiple paragraphs insead of one chunk.

Playing from the perspective of a magician was rather interesting, and it made for a creative piece of writing.

You certainly could have added more detail to the story, and the lack of detail produced a not poorly fleshed out story. I also felt like the situations were rather linear and unrealistic.

There was a small amount of character development here, but not a lot. The small amount sorta made me want more of it, and the storygame failed to deliver.

You could have done a better job with the setting, because I don't know a lot about it other then it's a school.

Descriptive writing is always key, remember! :)

3/8.

Awesome! Plot, some sort of drive (normal school obligations, etc), personality (for some), and pretty good grammar.

However, the paragraphs were bothering me. Please break them down by dialogue at least, as it's more normal and easier to read that way. Another thing is more background on each character, especially the protagonist and Headmaster. There could also be more description on the school.

I really liked how the protagonist could have an "attitude", but it was either hot-headed or cowardly/obedient. The consistency with page links is something I don't see often, especially when you don't die if you pick something "wrong".

This is a decent story and game! Keep up the good work!

Definitely should edit this to break down the wall of text into separate paragraphs. Otherwise not a bad story.

bruh

I won. Not that good, but it was okay. 4/8

I won....it was a very great story, one that I would replay (which I'm gonna do now).

My comment:Harry you are a wizard

I enjoyed the game but it was short.

I liked it

I like the idea of the story being told but I have some pretty heavy criticism in a few areas.
Summarized:My main issue was the pacing of the story with most of it being too fast and non descriptive. Also, for me the dialogue between characters was meh. It didn't really feel like people having a conversation, just means to move the plot. Lastly as others have mentioned try to block your paragraphs in more manageable chunks, for lack of better phrasing.
What I did enjoy was the inner dialogue of the character as well as the different endings. It felt like there was a clear idea of what the different end results were going to be and finding out the best options was fun!
To the author, if you improve in a few areas I think this would be a short and fun story. I hope to see more stories from you in the future!