Runes of Yeu

This interesting actually got me into it. The writing is decent, and there's a plot.

There were some really random thing thrown in: Helping Horrin with "lady problems" was just weird because you lie about being a matchmaker even though you don't really get anything out of it, seducing the old man who was sweeping the floors was just a random choice, and the woman with a "big bulky figure" doesn't keep a consistent attitude - in one branch, she lets you die after robbing you; in another, she leaves you blacked and out doesn't rob you. And even when you're robbed, you don't lose money nor items.

You could brush up on some grammar, especially dialogue stuff. Sometimes, you incorporate dialogue correctly. At other times, you forget it completely (the guy with the broom's page). It wasn't major and too often, but sometimes it detracted from the reading.

The way you set up your links and pages was confusing. Doing certain things may bring you to a page with [these] options, but that page may have links more than or less than needed. For example, in a page for feeding the horses, it doesn't give you the option to exit the barn when it makes sense to have the option.

Your character seems to work alone; you've only mentioned a party member once after introducing them in the beginning, and you didn't even say who. Speaking of the introduction, it was very direct, boring, and did a bad job at setting up the story. The characters were flat and/or shallow. The deepest character is the "big bulky" woman, who interested me; I disappointed when I couldn't find out what her purpose was. In fact, what was the purpose of the entire town? You gained absolutely nothing from the town; nobody knew about the ruins anyway! Getting money from feeding horses is dull, sleeping at the inn was ultimately unnecessary, the blacksmith offered another random ending (what about your party?), and the food shop was pointless. The majority of the story didn't size up in the bigger picture.

The town was disconnected from the story; it was unnecessary in finding the ruins. The discovery of the ruins wasn't even described in full either. While we're on the topic of describing, you hardly did any describing. While you had pictures, those are still-motion. You need yo place us into the story to make the town come ALIVE. Use the five senses at least.

I mentioned this previously - your characters are flat. Weave in back stories for each of the characters and why, exactly, they had to find the ruins. Create subplots and conflicts - the woman and blacksmith are good potential enemies/allies.

It seemed that you spent so much time on making the town that you just rushed the ending. Your pictures are a wonderful bonus, and you have a great game going here, but you just need to build on this world. I don't understand the world, the actual purpose of the story, the characters, etc. I think this story has potential, and I think you as a writer could improve to make that potential HAPPEN.

I really enjoyed this game. There was a certain degree of unique world-building, starting from being an anthropomorphic mushroom (or haha - a fungi), and continuing on to where some classic fantasy clichés were very subtly subverted. I still do wish this was longer since I wanted to explore more of this interesting world that was unfolding, but what's there is already quite excellent.

The pictures were fitting, the writing worked great for what it needed to do, and several of the side endings got a hearty guffaw out of me. There were a few minor places that could have been improved with some coding and variables, in my opinion (such as a timer for how many activities can be done in a single night, or an automatic black out if the player keeps clicking the 'Another Drink' link), but all in all, it was a fun adventure that was definitely worth the time it took to explore.

Why would someone feel so sad that they decide to freeze to death??? This is stupid. Try harder

Spoilers ahead! Consider yourself warned.

I will begin mentioning the parts that I liked.

You gave us the inventory to keep track of the items we have. I never worked with items here before, so I don't know if that is complicated or not, but it seemed to work like intended. I did not find any bugs or glitches with that which is always a plus.

It was also very clear that you did a fair amount of world building for that town. You placed several buildings to explore and a lot of potential for what a video game calls "Sidequests".
That potential however you did not really use properly. Those side branches ended rather quickly and I did not find them to contribute to much to the story.

Now what i did not like very much.

The description of scenery is very lacking in my opinion. You described everything in one or two sentences. The pictures you put on the pages did help, but they do not make up for the lack of descriptive writing.

The characters in the story also seemed very flat. I did not explore all paths, mainly because I did not find all of them, but it also was not very intriguing. The blacksmith for example just killed me at night because he's a werebear.
The other members of your party also did not get any interaction except for freezing a lake. Even then you don't tell us who did it. Mentioning them was rather pointless. Having them there did nothing for the story so you could have just let them out.
You also never told us a real reason why we are searching for the runes. What is our goal? Do we search for power? For wisdom? For riches? Nobody knows.

The plot idea was good and also the working inventory system. You showed a lot of potential when it comes to world building, but are still lacking in description and character development. 5/8 for me for that and the creative idea.

"Help him with his lady problems
You tell him you run a match making service. You tell him to follow you. As you travel down the right path you find an elvin structure. You open up the door. You throw Horrin in the door. After a month they get married and you are the best man. You eventually forget that you were on an adventure. You open up a real match making service and they call you the Love Guru."

Very funny! =)

I'm the Love Guru!

this is probably the best thing that I have ever experienced

This was actually really good,Considering all the other guys hassling all the new stories going around this tops it.

Even with how short it may have seemed this looked to have a lot potential for any future stories that you might share on the site. Not even gonna lie this was pretty top notch for a beggining story.

Hope to see more or at least you on the forums.