The Dolls' Quest

So, I was very pleasantly surprised with this story. I honestly was not sure what to expect when I first start reading this but I was pretty instantly hooked. The premise reminded me of the plot of a children's story but set in the dark and painful real world instead of the land of make believe. The writing was fantastic and really immersed me into the world. So, I'll say a few things that did bug me a bit then finish it off with the heaps of praise I have for this story.

So there are only a few negative things negatives I can say regarding this story. I did find quite a few spelling mistakes. Now, nothing that made the story unreadable, not at all. But there were a lot of times where I'd read the sentence and have to read it over agin to try to figure out what a word was supposed to be. There were also just some words that were simply misspelled. It also kind of bugged me how the genders were swapped for the characters. It bugged me because it really didn't seem to have much of a point. The characters were pretty much like, "Well, I guess I'm a girl now. Cool." or "I'm a boy now, guess I'll call myself that." There really wasn't any conflict with it. No slip ups or misgendering. It seemed almost like an arbitrary decision. But I could totally be wrong on this so please don't take my word as gospel. It simply felt that way to me.

Now, onto the praise. I felt that the characters were all extremely well written, with their own motivations and backstory. Our protagonist and their wife-boyfriend were two people forced into the bodies of a doll with no memories of their past. They were trying to find a way to put things back to normal. Uncle Shrevetz, the kindly store owner who cared for us like his own. Ruiz, the spiritual recording studio man who helps two magic dolls get to where they need to be. Eugene and Harlow, with their constant bickering and Eugene's dark secret. Heck, even the kids and their mother had unique personalities. The mother was clearly unstable, the son loved werewolves and the daughter played violin and seemed rather well learned for her age. It's not often I remember so many details about relatively minor characters. All of your characters felt very real and were all memorable. Fantastic work with that.

I managed to get about four or five endings so far. My favorite were "The Star Palace" and "You and Wilky's fate 'Dr. Rozier'" (thats what I call it since it had no epilogue preface). Now the Star Palace ending is probably the happiest one I got so far. You wake up from your illness back home with your loving wife at your side. You send aid out to your people to help with the plague and you send your treacherous head of state off to his (unknowing) demise. It was all very happy and it seemed to give the most closure. The "You and Wilky's fate" one had you going to Dr. Roziers house and meeting with the puppets of your former subjects to live amongst them. You have your place in the world. The unstable mother is taken to away where she will hopefully get treatment and the kids are taken to their father who, from the "Field of no return" ending, seems like a pretty alright guy who just made a mistake (But I could be very wrong as I don't have all the information). This ending was much more bittersweet than Star Palace but I still thought it gave a very satisfying conclusion. So great work on the endings.

So, to avoid making this review much longer, I'd like to say this was a great story. Compelling characters, descriptive writing, fantastic world building, satisfying endings, and an overall wonderful (if strange) tale. Excellent work Thomas, and I really look forward to seeing your future work.

I’m so glad that Mizal recommended this. Very few games give me the feeling of an adventure like yours did. Journeying to so many places, coming across so many different characters and trying to overcome all the obstacles in your path made this a really captivating story. I also love how you made it a “dark fantasy” where you combined the whimsy and innocence of a children’s fairy tale with the two adorable living dolls, with all the harsh and dark realities of the world, such as drug/alcohol abuse, violence, kidnap, murder and suicide… Kind of puts me in mind of Pan’s Labyrinth.

I didn’t really notice much in the way of mistakes. A few spelling and grammar errors scattered about here and there, though not nearly enough to detract from the story. I’d have liked to see more interactions between Mary Beth Brown and Wilky William. I mean, they travelled together and discussed what they were going to do next, but it would’ve been nice to see them have more conversations about their thoughts and feelings.

Also, it kind of felt like the game only had one “true” path and the others, while interesting, weren’t very fulfilling. I feel as though, if you don’t go to seek out the ventriloquist dummy and discover more about your past, then none of the endings really feel satisfactory.

Other than that, I have nothing but praise for this game. The plot was extremely unique, the different characters and scenarios were all really interesting, and the story was so engaging and well written that I had to go back and forth multiple times in order to see every path and reach every possible outcome. I really enjoyed reading this. ^_^

I think it was probably the sheer weirdness of this story that initially got me interested. After the first paragraph, I was expecting something very different than what the story revealed itself to be. I did kind of get confused after that bit, but I think that was more to do with the odd gender-swapping thing.

I didn’t really feel like there was many characters that I spent much time with apart from Wilky and Mary Beth (although it was clear most of them were real nut-jobs!). Everyone else got moved on from fairy quickly, before much of a relationship was built up. At the same time, I wasn’t terribly bothered by that. Wilky and Mary Beth were in their own little journey and although others came and went, it was ultimately just the two of them, which made their relationship that much more special. It was cool how they just stuck together no matter what, and just had so much trust in one another.

Personally, I get confused easily when there are a lot of characters with similar names, which happened in this story. There were so many R names it must’ve been done on purpose- a Rick, Rath, Roger, Rob, Ruiz and a Docter Rozier thrown in there too, and possibly a few others I’ve missed.

Sometimes the choices were carried out a bit weird and different to how I expected them to be. For example, I chose to jump in the river, but when I clicked that link it was not my character that made the decision, but Wilky.
There were also some occasions where the actual carrying out of the choice happened after a few other paragraphs on the new page. Not really a bad thing at all, just thought I’d mention it because I found it unexpected.

The ‘Questions and Answers’ were implemented at a good point in the story. They weren’t too late, which would’ve made me frustrated about the lack of answers, and they weren’t too early, which I meant I didn’t skim-read over it or lose interest.
The story got progressively more bizarre, but I loved it. The alternate dimensions were a bit iffy for me at first but when Ebony and Copper Maidens had a death duel riding flightless birds? Man, that was awesome. The birds reminded me very much of the Moa, as they too resembled an ostrich. I’ve always thought the Moa would be really cool to ride (that is, if they weren’t extinct).

On my first read-through I made it through most of the story without dying, but when going back to find all the branches I was mildly disappointed by the lack of branching in some parts. However, all the numerous endings were wildly different and for the most part, unexpected so I wasn’t all that fussed about it, just would’ve loved to see more of the story.

I read through the other reviews on this story, and it seems the general consensus is that it’s somewhat dark. I actually got the opposite kind of vibe, which I thought would be worth mentioning. I’m left feeling like I just read something very sweet. To me, this is just really heart-warming because of Mary Beth and Wilky’s special relationship. They go through everything together, even when they’re dead and in some wacko doll bodies, and throughout the entire story it’s clear they just understand each other incredibly well. The numerous nice characters were the ones that stuck out to me rather than the messed-up ones. The Uncle was a sweet old guy (why’d he have to die like that!!) and the band were a cool group. It was really nice how for such a rough group of guys they took good care of the dolls. I was half-expecting Mary Beth and Wilky to get thrown out of the bag and abandoned somewhere, so it was a nice surprise when it turned out they were simply just sweet guys who weren’t bothered by kids toys.

Anyway, I’m rather sad I didn’t discover this story before it was discussed in the Book Club for week 2. Man, it was super odd in some parts and I don’t know how the heck the author came up with some of this stuff, but that made it all the better and I consider The Doll’s Quest to be one of the best stories on CYS that I’ve come across.

Doll’s Quest, by author Thomas LaHomme, has an incredibly creative and unique premise. The idea of sentient dolls who used to be a prince and a princess of a strange kingdom, before getting trapped in dolls’ bodies is so cool! As they make a road journey through mainland America, the dolls find things out about themselves and their past, answering the vital question, “How did we get here?”

In this story, the prince and the princess switch genders, with the prince being psychically transferred into the body of the Mary Beth doll, while the princess is in the Willie Wilkins doll. It was really creative to switch the genders, and in a way, sort of subverted gender expectations/norms that usually predominate in a road adventure like this.

I ended up reading all the paths and I really enjoyed it. The writing was quite immersive, to the point where I got shocked when Alma threw me in the garbage disposal unit after I tried to stand up to her when she was being abused. Obviously, anyone would react that way to a haunted doll, but I’d spent so much time in the character’s perspective, where something like a talking doll is normal in this magical world because I had gotten used to my predicament, that the lady reacting that was surprising. It was also heartbreaking because he was trying to do a good deed.

It’s also hard to classify whether this is meant for kids or adults. On one hand, the doll characters are natural protagonists for a children’s fantasy novel, and many of the events that occur(jumping on the bed to launch themselves out of a window, a dog conveniently taking you to the bus stop you need to go, the way the dolls wave bye to Uncle Shrevnetz), but on the other hand, there are very adult themes and you shockingly don’t hold back on any gore or traumatic events. The characters experience brutal deaths and unpleasant endings, whether they be being forced into slavery(the dollhouse roadside attraction owned by Jack), thrown in the incinerator, thrown in the garbage disposal, shot by a burglar, it’s nuts. In the other main path, the mom also freaked me out, she’s clearly mentally ill and although the story doesn't explicitly say so, it’s pretty obvious. I didn’t expect to see dark real world elements in this book, but somehow you seamlessly integrate the childish fantasy elements with themes of suicide and mental illness. It just works well as a whole, even though I’m not sure how. In a less capable writer’s hands, these narrative choices would have bombed, but in this story, they elevate the story to a whole new level.

The most compelling part of this work, apart from the odd fantasy elements present in a road adventure type story that somehow meshes quite well together, is the mystery. And in order to make progress on that front, you need to choose “Escape the shop” because then you either go to the witch doctor or the Dummy. From a narrative perspective, I like that you had the dolls walk instead of going on the bus all the way, because one of the beauties of a road-adventure is well, traveling slowly along the road, stopping, and seeing different parts of the country. Walking allows that immersive experience, that a bus ride won’t because even though it stops, you just get back on the bus. I’m glad there was a happy ending with Dr.Rosier reuniting the dolls with the rest of their kingdom.

I don’t know how you come up with your ideas, but whatever you're doing, it’s clearly working. This is very inventive, odd at times, but very fun!

I find the idea of a wooden doll that's able to move on it's own an interesting premise for a storygame. The characters were well-written, and if I'm being honest, people reacting to your ability to move by destroying you is generally a pretty accurate response to what would happen in real life.

This was a very creative story. Not sure if there is a true epilogue or correct ending though.

You may not know who I am, but perhaps this will trigger a memory: “forevermore”.

BTW story was well written, descriptive, and entertaining. I quite liked it.

It was too short and not that adventurous

I loved it! This is such a good first book. WAY better than mine. I noticed a few spelling errors here and there but the story makes up for it. I got the ending where Mary Beth dies as a doll and comes back human. Great job.

The opening page starts out strong. There is heavy use of imagery and description. It almost feels out of place with how detailed the visuals are described. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s a tremendous way to start this game in particular because what’s different about the beginning page that sets it apart from the rest of the story? It’s pre-doll. I find it kind of amazing to gaze upon the wonders and majestic, royal living before it’s contrasted with the perspective of a crude doll. Plus, it can’t hurt to “wow” your reader with elegant writing to grab their attention (unless your audience is 13).

It’s hard not to comment on the gender swap. It’s an interesting dynamic to include. It’s also very weird to call the princess and the love of your life “Wilky William”. I like drugs too. Obviously the fact that you turn into a doll suddenly should be the main “Uh, this is weird” moment. The gender swap just adds to it and I like it. You can also see the love between you and the princess is strong because even in the doll state, their feelings never change. It shows that their love is deeper than physical attraction (unless they’re both bisexual and have a doll fetish).

I do find the formatting a bit distracting from the story at certain points. There are several bulk-sized paragraphs with dialogue mixed in. I think it would be easier to read and flow better to break them into different paragraphs. Besides, isn’t that proper grammar? It’s not as distracting as misspelled words, but it definitely requires a deeper level of focus from the reader. On a site desperate for reviewers, I don’t think this helps. On the subject of formatting, the paragraph breaks are really far apart. I think it’s due to the Advanced Editor. I think the quality of writing is high and the formatting issues are a negative influence to it. Luckily, it’s an easy fix.

The pathing seems to have great effect on the story. There’s not really a “re-branching” link that forces you back on the main thread of the story. I think the level of storylines and different circumstances fit the overall theme of the story. It’s a ridiculous story (in a positive way) and I think bottlenecking it into one branch would be a disservice. There does seem to be an underlying theme of humans being assholes, but we can just chalk it up to the demographic that still associate with dolls.

The Dolls Quest is definitely a quality storygame to read. It’s very unique. At this point in time, you won’t read another story on the site that it resembles. Although depressing in some sections, it’s a fun read and I would recommend. Looking forward to reading the next story this “sick and depraved human being” puts out.