The Penguin Without Feet

Disclaimer: to the author, take everything in this review with a grain of salt. I’m not a professional writer and only somewhat of a seasoned reviewer. To the readers, this review will contain lots of spoilers, so I suggest you read the storygame first.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The description establishes the social norms in the penguin society, providing context to the importance of diving to their survival. Then, it flips this around, introducing the protagonist: a penguin without feet. The shorter sentences like ‘Outrageous!’ and questions such as ‘What will one do?’ foreshadows the shock of the other penguins, as this goes against all norms. It’s an interesting concept.

The story begins with the protagonist inside an egg, fearful about getting too big and breaking the shell, though one day, it occurs. This shows the protagonist’s worried nature which raises the stakes more given his unique predicament. As the chick is born, the parents’ first words are to speak of his ‘webs’ (his feet), believing them to be “wonderful and powerful”, befitting a future Dive Dealer Penguin. It shows the significance that diving has on this community of penguins. In a way, it draws upon concepts of sociology, where the importance or meaning of a certain thing—in this case, the type of feet a penguin has—is determined by its role in society. Hence, the protagonist’s disability is made much more severe than it would be in a normal penguin society that doesn't have diving competitions.

A quick nitpick: the simile about ‘sunshine on an autumn day’ felt a little out of place, as the protagonist would not have known about either sunshine or autumn, as he lives in Antarctica. Also, props on spelling ‘Antarctica’ right. Back in high school, we had a quiz about it, and you’ll be surprised how many people in my class somehow forgot there were two c’s.

I like how the parents’ growing worry is conveyed through their dialogue and actions. The first step of their shock is disbelief. The mother asked the father over to check for feet when she couldn’t find any; the father picked the protagonist up and “checked very carefully”; the other penguins turned the protagonist over and attempted to shake out the feet. It is kind of sad how excited the little chick is to meet his parents, yet they don’t even speak to him given his lack of feet.

The first choice is between courage and fear—the protagonist can either stay in his mother’s feathers, where it is warm (similar to his initial hiding in the egg), or head out and greet his father.

WRITING STYLE

At times, there appears to be a slight over-reliance on adjectives for description. For instance, the father has “gigantic feet with majestic webs” and is described as “very tall with gleaming black feathers and a beautiful yellow mark on his neck, with orange at the tips.” However, these adjectives not only describe the father, but also portray the protagonist’s admiration for him. This is later reinforced with the line, “Your parents surely were majestic and know all the knowledge in the world”.

I enjoyed how complex concepts and words were simplified for this story. For instance, a scientist is introduced and her job is described as “I watch how things work and get ideas for new things that they could do to improve others' lives”. There are some pieces of really good advice too, which is broken down in a way that anyone can understand: “You need to think of new ways. You don't have to use the way everyone does. You go to a new space, a new dimension. Or you don't go to the space everyone does. Then you will have it”. This applies to life in general, too. In order to succeed, one must specialize—find a niche that is uniquely theirs—and this would grant a sense of accomplishment and purpose in a way that following the world’s pre-established norms would not.

This extends to the protagonist's character too. He doesn’t understand what a scientist is, which probably relates to a lot of younger readers. His child-like dialogue makes everything he says much more raw and emotional, like “Some chicks tried to hurt me” and “This penguin saved me”. He fulfills the ‘innocent young character’ archetype. This makes him a likable protagonist and gets the readers to naturally root for him. Also, I laughed when he went around asking: 'Hello,' you said, 'could I cut open your fish?'

Note on dialogue: when using a dialogue tag after a line of dialogue, do not capitalize it. Nor do you use a full stop for the end of the character's speech, but you may use a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark. For instance, here’s a corrected version: 'A fish!' you exclaimed.

I found the inventions amusing. For example, rope stood for ‘Ruler Object for Penguin Experts’. And the protagonist created a number of different fish-catching equipment that are still used today, from a fishing rod to a net. One of the great strengths with description was the effect of defamiliarization. Up until an invention was finished, it was described in simple, protagonist-relevant words: several ice rings stacked together; short sharp ice shaft tied to a rope; bait attached to a hook. This immerses the readers in the scene, enabling them to relate to the protagonist.

CHARACTERS & PLOT

I find it very wholesome how the parents decided that despite their chick’s disability, they would care for him and support him to the best of their abilities. Yet, this alone does not eradicate the struggle that he goes through. There are constant reminders of how he is not like the other penguins, from his dad having won the last Dive Dealer competition to the awkward silence as his parents realized they might not be able to teach him how to swim. It’s done well—this internal struggle remains in the background at all times, even when everything appears to be outwardly alright.

In one of the scenes, the protagonist gets bullied for his lack of feet. Two other penguins attempt to roll him around and knock him down. This likely occurs in real life too—as this story is an allusion to disabilities or handicaps, people who struggle with this are often victims of bullying. The significance of this scene is encapsulated by the fact that no matter what choices the protagonist makes and what path the readers take, this bullying occurs regardless. Up until this point, there has only been systemic and covert discrimination. However, this scene marks a change and reveals the prejudice lying beneath the surface.

A minor nitpick: in that scene, the bullies are referred to as ‘it’, whereas all the other penguins are ‘she’ or ‘he’. While I don’t particularly mind dehumanizing bullies lol, at the end, one of the bully penguins becomes ‘him’, which makes this inconsistent.

Brenda’s non-swimming role makes her different from the other penguins. It’s a nice touch that she’s portrayed as someone who is outside the norms of society, as her job requires her to think outside the box and create new and creative innovations, but she isn’t ostracized from society for this. This foreshadows the accepting nature of this penguin society, in that they recognize the talents of others—despite how different they are—and the importance these talents bring to the advancement of society. It’s sweet how the protagonist compliments Brenda when she says she isn’t as impressive as the other penguins. It’s a small moment, but it takes the protagonist a step further in accepting his own identity as a penguin without feet.

“I look at different things and try to make a guess about how they behave. Then, if they really behave like I've guessed, I try to make them useful to other penguins.” — In a way, Brenda didn’t just do this to items, but also the protagonist haha. Nice detail.

Aw, it’s kind of sad how the protagonist slides on ice to prevent the stares of other penguins and pretends he’s just playing. Not to bring up sociology so much here, but his behaviors and actions have been influenced by those around him, and he seeks acceptance, hence tries to cover up the parts of himself which society deems ‘unacceptable’. Still, being exposed to a variety of roles that do not involve diving, like the Engineer and Philosopher, shows him that his impediment does not determine his contribution to the penguin society.

Whilst the philosopher’s advice pushes the protagonist towards the right direction, the idea to catch fish on land is ultimately his own. One thing I like is that he doesn’t succeed immediately. He has to try again, and maybe a third time, before his invention works. His determination is every bit as important as his creativity. There are different ways to make a fishing rod too! The rope, having been foreshadowed earlier, proves a valuable tool. He could use this to create a fishing rod with either a hook or bait, or just wave it around until fish get fascinated by this and move towards it. And there’s the option to make a spear as well. Maybe it’s just my ‘do more than necessary’ nature, but since different versions of the fishing rod were made, a suggestion may be to add simple drawings for these like in ‘Where the Clouds Want to Go’. But it’s unnecessary as the descriptions themselves are more than sufficient at painting a picture in the readers’ minds.

In one of the scenes, the protagonist faces a bit of hostility when asking for krill to use as bait. The mixed responses of society are realistic. Not everyone is supportive when dealing with differently abled individuals. On the other branch with the inventor, the protagonist’s curiosity leads to him testing out the hoop in water. This spurs him to create a net. He may also think of these inventions by playing around with Brenda’s gadgets. The part about creating a better sound was a fun route, as he started off creating music, only to realize how it may lure fishes to them. The hostility from another penguin reinforced the theme that some prefer to maintain the status quo, while others—the ones who dare to defy it—are usually rewarded. Speaking of music, the fish-siren path was a nice blend of fantasy and reality, as it’s amusing to think about a penguin singing to lure fishes towards him.

Once the protagonist successfully catches a fish (which is the ‘one ending’ the description mentions), all the other penguins become happy and proud of him, especially his parents and Brenda. Still, there’s a chick that chooses to mock him for his inability to swim. I like that there’s a choice to give him a fish. In it, the protagonist finally corrects his misbelief and realizes the truth: 'We are all penguins of the Dive Dealer Penguins. We are equal, with feet or no feet. Even if we use different ways, we can all achieve the same things.'

In that scene, there’s a slight hierarchy reversal, as the protagonist is now ‘superior’ for having caught a fish despite his lack of feet. However, he believes they are both equals. And he doesn’t boast about his accomplishment either; he merely states that in time, the other penguin would soon achieve the same result. It’s such a heartwarming and wholesome scene.

Equally as touching is the scene where he gives the fish to his parents. They were the first penguins to accept him; to decide they would give him the best possible life regardless of whether he had feet. They endured all the ill-treatment from the other penguins as they were forced to swim against the current. And now, he repaid them and expressed his gratitude by giving them the prize of his first ever crowning achievement.

The epilogue was sweet too. It marked the beginning of a new age in this penguin society, as they became more accepting of physical disabilities and chose to reward ingenuity and finding solutions beyond the norm. Now, if only the real world could follow suit. But this is how fiction can inspire societies to do better.

Review 9

This is quite a shame that there are no big comments on this story. Well, this is a trend I often see for family friendly stories, so it isn't that very surprising.

This is such a fluffy adorable heartwarming wholesome story that it makes my teeth ache. I don't know how it is possible, but perhaps it is due to the penguins. One thing I really appreciate is that you changed your language to be suitable for children and also added a nice message that it is okay to be different. I do like the idea of a penguin born without feet; it's basically the inverse happy feet, but with the same kind of message.

The way you anthropomorphized the animals felt just right for a children's story like this. A nice balance between making them still feel like animals while also giving them enough human traits so that the penguin's struggle is more relateable. There wasn't much of an uncanny valley feeling, congrats! The gadgets were for example made of ice, the techniques were also fitting to the setting and mainly related with catching enough food. Also for example the protag's struggle to catch fish; the feeling of inadequacy is a much more human trait, but that so much emphasis is laid on catching enough food seems more animalistic.

The routes that I have read so far also tied the loose plot threads together quite well. The penguin gets respect from his peers even though he cannot swim. He got what he needed, not necessarily what he wanted. The solutions of each of the endings to the protag's predicament were also creative enough to make me click around to look for the other routs; for example the net, the can or the fishing rod.
One thing that makes me a bit sad is that none of the routes allow the penguin to fail. I think that with children's stories, people are very scared in putting some downer endings or sad stuff in them, but in my opinion most children are more mature than one might think and can deal with these roadblocks pretty well (plus it is a chooseyourownadventure game. It is kinda expected for the genre and is what makes it fun to try to search for all of the endings. I remembered trying to find every single page and bad ending for the Lone Wolf series for example. Adding these endings also ups the stakes a little, it shows the reader; oh what happens if the protag indeed fails? What are the consequences). So I also would have liked to see routes were the penguin would indeed fail to catch fishes, but manages to succeed in contributing for the penguins in his own way; for example warning the other penguins for predators or being the one who can pinpoint where the most fishes are etc.

There are some choices though that don't effect that plot at all. I suggest just leaving them out. For example choices relating to the can. I don't think it does anything, but someone else can prove me wrong on this part.

All in all, cute fun wholesome story. It made my heart melt a little hahah. Good job.

This ‘choose your own story is truly heartwarming and I would recommend it to anyone who needs something to cheer them up.

Adorable, if short, game!

I may be 20 years old but I enjoyed this story and the choices that I made. One of those choices was when at the end I decided to pay evil with good to one of the chicks who making fun of the character.

This was very wholesome.

Usually I tend to find such stories dull, but yours was honestly a feel good tale about overcoming a disability that I couldn't help but admire it.

Grammar was well done, and there are plenty of scenes where the writer does a great job of inspiring concern, relief, hope, and finally acceptance throughout the story.

As for characters, I honestly enjoyed Daz the mechanic. His speech gave off a vibe of friendly eccentricity that I immediately latched on to. It really does impart a sense of "this guy knows what it feels like to be different."

The final ending I got, I appreciated the choice to give the fish to the bully. Catching the first fish ahead of every able bodied penguin was a huge accomplishment, and the ability to bury the hatchet and find a sense of community was the perfect way to end this story on a high note.

Imparting moral lessons in a family friendly way? This story is one I'd recommend be published as a children's book.

Good little cute fluffy story. I think it would be fun to play around and find all the different passages.

It was so sad next time it should have feet

Bro i am not reading all of that bro and imagine not having feet

Good story!