***Can You Survive the Apocalypse?***

I think that it wasn't very linear—the choices actually impacted the story and weren't just variations of "click this and you live or click this and you die." I would prefer if it ran on longer, though. There's no need to make a part 2 when you could have taken your time and incorporated a second part into this story, therefore extending it and making it feel complete in a way. Only make a part 2 when the first chapter or part can stand alone as its own storygame.

The writing, well...there were a handful of problems. The first I'd like to address is capitalization. There was none in this story, and that is a huge red flag. Punctuation was also an issue—some sentences were cut direly short, others seem to run on and on. There were quite a few spelling errors here and there as well. I highly recommend proofreading your storygame next time or to add a trusted coauthor to give you suggestions and proofread for you.

Adding on to the story itself, there wasn't any emotion. I knew who the character was, but it was very basic information. How do I feel about the apocalypse? Am I bold enough to march on and face the undead beasts? Or am I apprenhensive at the present swarm of zombies? Other characters aren't defined and there's little dialogue to flesh them out. An apocalypse is certainly a horrific setting—make it seem like it. Describe your setting and the locations the protagonist stumbles across. How would you describe the safe haven? Is there a chain of command? What were the different shelters like? Fleshing out the world around the characters makes it feel less bland and empty. Give your world some life and character.

For now this storygame gets a 3/8. I strongly advise you to unpublish and add onto your story, as well as proofread or maybe get a coauthor or beta tester. Put the two parts together into one storygame. There is potential, but it needs far more work.

i liked it but it was a little repetitive

This story violated all laws of punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and spelling, and desperately needed proofreading. Moreover, the writing was short and described little, to the point where it was simply summary - "He did this, then he did that." I recommend you proofread and add detail for your next story game, if you ever make one. What is the safe haven like? Add some dialogue. Add more to the characters. Describe the settings. Tell me about the tear of flesh, the sweat on my back, the ever present fear. Story over summary.

Now, I will say this: the story was very interactive and the 'Choose' part of the story was well done - your actions had consequences or rewards. But if the story had more description I would have felt more attached to these consequences and rewards.

Finally, I have to mention that the zombie genre is well worn. Perhaps it's time for people to find another reason for the apocalypse...?

Cool game! Hopefully you can make a part 2 for this game soon, and more choices and inventory and more endings would be even better. You're welcome to play and rate my game as well. Hopefully. :)
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/your-story-(of-how-you-died)

yay cool.

I loved it! not finished yet tho