Player Comments on A Day in the Life (and death) of you.

Completely illogical. So many of the situations were completely random, such as a spider being the size of a golden retriever? And, like Wizzy said, how can you go to work OR go to school? You just skip one? That makes no sense.

The writing wasn't very good, sorry, but there seemed to be a lot of detail in some spots and almost none in other spots. This makes it seem rushed and uneven, and overall, poor in quality.

It's very boring, and I kinda wanted to exit the window the entire time. I had no idea what the hell was going on, the branching was poorly executed, and the writing is incredibly linear.

The deaths were the most linear and random part of this whole thing. They make no sense, and are probably the least likely things to ever happen in real life.

1/8.

Many situations are very confusing in this story. First, you don’t let any tension build up, it’s just, if you pick something wrong then you die. Secondly, the deaths are completely random and overused, I mean seriously. Spiders the size of golden retrievers? Really? Thirdly, Illogical. It just doesn’t make sense; why would I go to both work and school? And if I go to work, why am I still living at my mom’s house? And if a clown is staring at me when I’m in the bath, why wouldn’t I do anything and completely ignore it?

Would not recommend. 2/8

BORING

mundane and overall decent

how did i get two burning endings in a row

lovely deaths. However all of the options lead back to all the other options.

I lived! Yay, I think.

Kind of boring. And random. Why is there a clown in the bathroom? And why do you just go ahead and bathe, despite being stared at by a clown? A lot of the pages lack much in the way of details or character development. I really just read through out of curiosity to see how many ways I could die.

great

bruh

This is lazy writing. You reused the clown, spider, gunman, and fire death multiple times for the deaths. There was no creative exploration behind making the wrong choices it was all random.

I beat the game in 3 clicks by faking sickness, marathoning Netflix, and eating burritos. I want more depth to my story than something I would do on the weekend. If you were going for horror I wasn't scared because there was no buildup of tension.

If you want people to be scared of your stories you need to work on the atmosphere and build tension with dialogue or descriptions. It seemed like the different deaths such as the fire or the spiders or heck even the clown as overused as it is would have been good standalone antagonists, but instead, they were crappy shoo-ins for an incorrect choice.

Go back and rewrite this with a specific setting, plot, and characters in mind instead of a random horror choose your story game.

nice

The first page was a pretty boring page. You want to make your first page stand out and to draw readers in, make them interested in the story. Instead this first page made me slightly want to close the tab. Not only was the page boring, but the sentences were boring. You were telling me everything, not showing me. While we’re talking about sentences, you seem to use commas in places where they shouldn’t be used and leave out commas in places where they should. You could also try to use a thesaurus sometimes when describing the same thing multiple times. I felt like you used the same adjectives over and over again in short periods of time. Other than those few nitpicky comments your grammar looked pretty good, except for the occasional mistake where one of your fingers would shift a little to the left or right and press a different key.

Then I went to school because that’s what I do in the mornings so I thought it was a good place to start. My first thought was, “This is a bit dramatic,” then followed by, “Yes, this is very dramatic!” I stayed in class and I was a bit jarred by the ending. Not only was it completely random, but for some reason the author chose to use detail on the death. Detail is a very good thing, but the switch from no detail to lots of detail was a bit strange.

The go to work path had mostly the same reaction for me as the go to school path. The spiders as big as golden retrievers were so unrealistic and so random that I almost expected the noodles in a cup to come alive and eat me. Instead you disappointed me with another ending where I burned alive while hearing laughter. When I went out to eat, a gunman was shooting at us, and to my understanding we couldn’t see him. However, when I tried to jump to the balcony I waited until they weren’t looking in my direction. How is that possible if I can’t see them? Any choice I make from when I first encounter the gunman leads to the same ending which was slightly disappointing to me.

If I stay home and fake being sick it is mostly the same. Watching Netflix only leads to the spider ending or a lame ending where I stay alive by being lazy which is all I am expecting at this point. If I try to sneak out it won’t let me, only saying I stink and that I can’t. If I shower I can end up disappointing my mom like I did in one of the school endings, or I can go to the gunman and choose different choices but the same death. If I take a bath I get taken to the murdered by a killer clown page that happened when I walked home from school. If I say I won’t then I get to take a shower or bath anyway. Yay.

Overall the story looked like it had many choices but ended up being very linear and the writing wasn’t very good either.

Great Description!

fun

good soup

It was really suspenseful, and the ending was really descriptive, and it left me wondering:

Was it the Teacher that was laughing or the reaper?

How did fire get into the classroom that quick?

I like this story :D The part where you said: "The leaves litter the ground" It was really descriptive and I liked that. Keep up the good work!

This was a really good story. I loved it. Thanks for making it. It was great. It is definitely worth everyone's time

Super fun while stuck inside gonna play again to see how I die the second time. Thanks for the fun

Grossed out everybodies. Garlic Bread enjoyed it. You have scarred him for life. THX XOXOXOXOXOxoxoxoxoxoxox ;o

Died #9 all endings done

Died #8

Lived #1

Died #7

died #6

Died #5

Died #4

died #3

Died #2

died #1

So boring, nothing scary happened

i like having ma burritos,nuice an warm

That was a short story, I died in the basement while getting my mac and cheese.

Weird.

this was weird

I can't tell if this was supposed to be some weird "ironic" horror story. Probably not though. 3/8.

It's so random and you basically can't win, you can only die.

i thought it was better than reese pieces by far

Terrifying...

This story is rather boring, and doesn't make any sense. You can go to school or go to work? That doesn't make any sense. How can a child go to work, or how can an adult go to school?
Otherwise it's random and quite boring. Run around, get eaten by spiders, or nothing happens.

So, I guess death is inevitable if you go outside in this game. I decided to stick around with the gunman, he's a lousy shot, but I fell to my death.

I don't remember you specifying that the restaurant I was in was thirty stories up, but what was written was decent. I'd like to see what you could do with a longer story and an actual plot.

I'm not sure what the purpose is. I don't feel challenged at all.

Just break a window :(

Haha, I loved it! Totally 8. I didnt die tho..O_o

Just like life, it ends in death. Those spiders though.

... ALL I GOT TO DO WAS WATCH NETFLIX

Netflix marathon and burritos :D :D :D

Every ending is death.
The deaths are also somewhat illogical.

good

I hope most of these comments are riddled with sarcasm. This story sucked.

pretty good. :)

Short, but pretty good.
5/8

Very good writing but I would have enjoyed a longer story :) Good sense of humour in the writing :D

Prune-like is my favourite state of being

I think I'm most offended by the fact that I only had 83 cents in my pocket when I died... But I likey the story:))))

Oh my goodness it just gets better and better

Oh my goodness this is actually so scary. You are the best author in the whole world