Betrayer

The premise behind the story, of course, is interesting. It can be quite effective to attempt to fool the reader into thinking they are reading and seeing one thing when they are, in reality, seeing something else. However, that can also be pretty difficult to pull off. This story is quite short, so it has to get things moving right away. The first page really has short and choppy sentences throughout. Is that an attempt to set the tone? It doesn’t seem to, because that pattern doesn’t continue or appear to have any special meaning.

The story, though, seems a little off. I’m not sure I understand the idea of repeating the story over and over again with the links from the end that allow you to do that. Was there something that was supposed to be different each time through? It also didn’t really make sense because at one point I never woke up again, but I could continue with the story.

Again, this was a nice idea, but I don’t feel like it ever came to closure. Clearly, the “she” was supposed to be something destructive, like drugs, alcohol, or something like that, but it never really quite reached that point. She could have been a person, and it didn’t really let me feel like I was supposed to figure that out. Was that the point? Because even if that was the point, I didn’t get the feeling that I understood.

I've seen this done before, the attempt to make a "relationship drama" that's actually about addiction. This one doesn't work for me.
The plot is too vague to be compelling. The relationship is too anthropomorphized, there's too much that doesn't make sense if she isn't a real person.
I'd like to see you write something longer, more complex and more concrete.

The writing style is very compelling if in danger of being too minimalistic, it would have been impossible to maintain the lack of knowledge in a longer story without the reader losing interest. Still, this was different in a good way and I enjoyed reading it :)

It's an interesting concept, though very brief in it's execution. It's also very hard to tell that 'she' is anything more than a person, and it's not very clear that 'she's' something to worry about or destructive from what we see in the storygame (at least I didn't think have that view of her outside of the choices we have/the thoughts of the protagonist)

This story is very interesting to me! Although some complain about the brevity of the story, I think that's what adds more to it. I appreciate the layers of this piece :-)

I liked this! This game leaves room for... a sequel? Interpretation? Many might say it is strange but I believe there is something in there that makes me really like this :D

This was an enjoyable little piece of work, for me at least. The choices I wanted to make were there, it made sense to me except for the Reckless ending, but I suppose that's the point. However, it provides no background for the characters, which only compels me so far. If this story were any longer, I'm afraid I'd find myself losing interest before too long.

This is just a worse version of the flash game Air Pressure. Please be more original.

I enjoyed this story. I believe you covered up the plotholes in your last story. I didn't check the date though. So I gave you 4/8.

To short.