Doctor Who Fanfiction

I decided to break new ground in my life this evening by reviewing a game genre I've never reviewed before. Unless I did, in which case that wasn't canonical, this is the first time I've TRULY reviewed a fanfiction to the fullest extent of my power. I thought that I could offer a unique perspective on this situation as someone who has never watched a singular full episode of Dr. Who in their lives.

I can only glean what's happening in this story using knowledge that I've absorbed through cultural osmosis. Through memes and references, I know only about the ribbed salt shaker men, the evil C-3POs, the SCP ripoff, the smiling tofu people, and that ugly hydrocephaly child whose only apparent character trait is that he hates the moon.

Luckily, right off the bat in this story, I know that I'm in my element, however, because as soon as I get to page 3, there are statues that move when I blink. Naturally, my response is to immediately do the one thing those retards SHOULD'VE done in the show (unless they did, I didn't watch that shit) and kick its ass so it knows who's boss. Unfortunately I'm playing as a slackwristed soyboy who can't punch stone, so I immediately die. But then I went back and checked the other choices, and it turns out that I never actually had a choice from the very start. It's all instant death. Even choices that don't kill you are an instant loss. When I choose to go home instead of going on an adventure (Pro tip: If you don't have a plot in mind for a choice... Why did you make it a choice?) I wind up surviving, but it still isn't a valid ending and makes me go back to the previous page.

Did I mention that the death in this game is objectively the worst kind of death? If you're that insecure in your own writing (which, honestly, you should be, there aren't any paragraph breaks, I wouldn't even read any of this if I wasn't answering to higher powers right now) that you need to guide your players to a "real" ending before you can rate it, then maybe don't give me the option to die a 3-sentence death ON EVERY PAGE.

Also who the fuck are Rory and Amy? I know who the Doctor is, he's the funny french fries and custard man. But I don't know who Rory and Amy are. What is my motivation for interacting with them? Or the Doctor, for that matter. I guess we could be staying with these people out of morbid curiousity, but there isn't a lot of motivation for either choice (not that we really have a choice) on whether to go with these time travellers or not.

From my perspective as someone who isn't a Doctorhead (I assume this is the term for people who like Dr. Who) this all seems like bullshit. All the characters sound the same, there isn't really dialogue to speak of. The only option we're ever given is whether to participate in the plot. And if we choose not to, we die.

Some standout moments are Page 11, where even if we decide against all logic to refuse to tell the only guy in this plot who seems to know what he's doing some pertinent information, it even gives the temporary illusion of freedom by not killing us immediately. But then our choices are either "Cave in and tell him anyway" or "Remain silent and fucking die". This doesn't even change the conversation in any way, because the page that caving in and telling him takes you to is the exact same as the one that you go to when you tell him the first time.

There was even a branch immediately after that which also created the brief illusion of choice, but it all winds up with the same result. I checked each of the 1-2 page "branches", and it changes nothing notable. You are predestined to crash the ship and die in the dream. Is this the thing people keep talking about when they say it's difficult to write about time travel without invalidating free will?

I could keep going with examples, but I would just be a broken record. There is no deviation anywhere. No branching of plotlines. There is only one plot, with only two endings. I've checked every page, and it's all only "follow the plot" or "die/live immediately and go back". Your reward for following the railroad to the end is to pick one of two immediate 4-second endings. Maybe there would be something to this if I were a Doctorhead who understood all the references, but judging from the other comments, this is not, in fact, the case.

Frankly, I'm amazed that a story this awful has been up this long. Other than the fact that hardly anyone relevant enough to curate things actually bothers reading the fanfiction category for quality, I have no idea how this piece of shit game survived. And I mean that literally, it's a piece of shit. It's not worthy of being called an abomination, it's not funny enough to be a shitpost. The only reason this thing probably still exists is because it's old as shit and very few people read fanfic here anymore. It's time to stop this, we must bring this story to an end. It has escaped the clutches of damnation for too long. 1/8, I would give it negative 8 if I could.

Honestly, this is exactly how not to write a FanFiction imo.

And especially how not to write a storygame.

We were given the illusion of a choice, but no real say in changing anything. All that happens if you click the "wrong choice" (besides the last two choices of stay or go, at least) is you die, and then is given the option to go back and pick the other one. The ending is unaffected by anything you may have done in the game, and is just a simple "stay or go" choice.
It's ridiculously linear, in other words.

Hell, you didn't even change much. It's literally just things that happened in Doctor Who, except there's an extra character in who changes nothing about the story.

Honestly, I've seen quite a few Doctor Who Fanfictions and that is the thing that bothers me the most.
Most of them, don't have a speck of originality in them.
For god's sake, you have a time machine and a timelord. You could invent worlds made of fire, a galaxy who's currency is color, and any of that sort of thing. You could write about going back in time and finding out Abe Lincoln really *was* a vampire hunter (except the vampires were really just the water-creatures from The Vampires of Venice).
Just there is so much potential here, but people seem to want to stick to the storyline, and I don't understand why.

Either way, giving this a low score for lack of originality.

Well your story was legible and coherent, so that's something. However it was also stolen straight from the the show. Using elements of the show or even rewriting scenes so they happen differently can make great fanfiction, but all you did was rewrite a couple scenes with a new character. This character didn't even add anything to these scenes or change them in anyway. They were completely unnecessary to the plot.

The narration was extremely boring. The pacing was rushed, there was little details and moments went by far to fast. When I'm reading all I see is what you show me. Describe the scenery, let character's actions and moments help bring them to life. Also, paragraphs! Use them.

There is also the issue of your choices. There weren't really any. Every page only had two choices, one where I lived, one where I died. It made the plot completely linear and boring. And then when I did die you wouldn't even let me end the game. Every death page only had the option of returning to the previous page. If you're going to have death pages let people die. If they want to keep playing there's a go back button for that.

In the future if you want to write a fanfic, please come up with a semi-original plot for the characters to do. With Doctor Who you have all of time and space to explore. Why don't travel with your favorite doctor to your favorite time period and save the day? Or use your imagination and you can create any possible world or future. It's all up to you, but don't just write a narrative of the show's plot.

Interesting story. Disappointed that you can't eat anything. Sorry but it's currently lunchtime and I'm hungry. Good story

5/10

The main failure of this fan fiction is the inability of the author to introduce us to the world of Doctor Who and its characters. I wasn't invested in the story because I didn't know what was happening.

The second major problem I had with the story was the pages that said you live or you die that were technically endings just looped back to the previous page. You shouldn't punish the reader for finding an actual ending just end the story there.

Your grammar and pacing were fine but the branching that makes Choose Your Own Adventures fun was nonexistent. All these factors combined are the biggest glaring issues with this story and the lack of length was problematic as well.

If you can get those things down then you'll have the means of making a decent story game.

It was actually really fun!! SPOILER ALERT


At the start when it said statue I got really creeped out. I’m not an idiot I know that it was a weeping angel
I just wanna say it was really great with all the callbacks to Matt Smith’s era as the doctor 11 out of 10

This wasn't a good story. Every time I chose something you didn't want me to, you made it so I had to go back to choose the "right" choice. I can forgive linearity when it is a long and interesting story. This story was neither long nor very interesting. And being forced to take the path that the author wants you to take makes me think you would be better off putting this on a fan fiction website than a website called Choose Your Story.

This is not interactive fiction. This is a linear story with all choices railroading you to the "real" story.

AMAZING IT WAS SO GOOD

it was epic since i love doctor who