I Went to the Graveyard

I’m glad the writer recently entered a contest as a competitor, leading me to scout out the competition. Reading this was genuinely fun and compelling. It’s collection of little bite sized dark stories that mainly end in a tragic or disturbing twist. It felt like instead of sitting down and tackling a whole meal, I was given a charcuterie board of little stories to sample at my pleasure. Obviously, as with charcuterie boards, I ended up consuming them all in a single sitting.

First, I would just like to point out the few weaknesses. There are practically none, so this is much easier than detailing strengths. The most obvious is that there are a few typos throughout. Nothing bad and it’s readable even with those. The second isn’t really a flaw, but I have a feeling that people who are looking for a more traditional story would complain about lack of “characterization” or anything binding the different plots together. Obviously, in a longer work, that sort of criticism would be valid, but in a short one like this, those kinds of expectations aren’t raised. It’s like complaining that your drug dealer didn’t serve appetizers with your cocaine.

The strengths are many, and many of which are probably best left to people who are actually educated in this sort of thing, but I will offer my observations anyway. First, and most obviously there is rich description. The amount is perfect. Enough that it’s almost like reading a poem with the strong, sensory language, but not so much that I drowned in it. I especially loved getting the choice between whether the light filtering through the trees was silver or gold.

The imagination in reasons why people might choose to go to a graveyard were also imaginative, yet grounded in reality. None of them felt like they were out of place. Come to think of it, the graveyard also provides mood compliment or contrast to each situation. I also liked that all of them were sad, at least in a little way. The one with the ritual bell during the day was the only one that maybe turned out okay.

I loved the fact that the story wasn’t tied to characters or times. It led to great contrast both with other stories on this sight and with the stories within itself. Some of them could even be seen as different genres. Personally, my favorite was the casket one where the protag joins his lover in afterlife after suicide. They were all fantastic though. No misses.

I found this storygame while I was randomly browsing through the CYS Website. I looked at the play length and the player rating, so I thought this storygame might actually be better than those I've rated in the past. So, let's jump right into it.

"Spooky" Factor: 2/8
This might be the only aspect this storygame fails upon. Instead of unsettling the readers, I thought this storygame was comedic. Although it takes place in a graveyard, the use of cursing and jokes are not appropriate for the horror genre. The tone of the writing does not steer towards a typical horror storygame, so don't expect to be freaked out by this.

Plot: 4/8
Although this storygame is short, I still enjoyed the plot. Was easy to follow along for lots of people. Using a different item affects the plot a lot, and just shows a different perspective between the multiple protagonists. Is interesting, as I will explain further later on. For now, the plots are pretty good in general.

Characters: 4/8
There are multiple protagonists, and there seems to be multiple POVs, but I don't know who's perspective is which. This storygame needs some little edits to make this more coherent. However, the choice of what weapon to bring makes very different intents and endings to the story. Like it.

Grammar: 5/8
The grammar is in some weird 1st Person POV, which is strange considering we are controlling the multiple protagonists. However, the writing has good quality and beautifully uses figurative language to describe all the motion, touches, and interactions between the characters. Wonderfully done.

Gameplay: 6/8
The branching is all over the place. With 8 multiple endings, this storygame has a lot to offer in a few pages. This storygame has different stories, which is quite brilliant. Brings in a quality gameplay that most people here on CYS like.

Overall, is not the best storygame, but not also the worst. The author needs some work setting a creepy vibe, but everything else is pretty good.

Final Score: 4/8

This is not quite what I expected when I started reading this story, but I quite enjoyed it. The moment I saw the first page, I was immediately intrigued. "She speaks," the author remarks. "I went to the graveyard, and what did I bring?" Perhaps a knife, to commit some dastardly deed? A casket or flowers, to suit the mood? Or perhaps a bell, for purposes untold? Of course, I was intrigued enough to pick the 'knife' the first time around, though this (unsurprisingly) led to the darker two of the eight tales.

This game essentially includes eight short stories in one. Each of them had a creepy and suspenseful mood, keeping the player on edge. I highly recommend that the reader goes through each one; they’re all only two pages long. I also highly recommend that the reader doesn’t simply press the ‘go back’ button like I did, and instead presses the button “Do you have another story?” when prompted.

The grammar was pretty much all spot on. I did see a few minor typos, but they definitely didn’t detract from the quality of the writing. I think my favourite of the eight tales was the one where you choose to bring a silver bell. Either that, or the one where you bring flowers for the girl in the grave.

If you are looking over this review and wondering whether to read this story, I highly encourage you to do so. Each of the eight will only take you about five minutes. You can come back to this review after you’ve finished the game. Please be warned that the rest of this review will contain SPOILERS.

You did include a nice ‘restart’ prompt on the second page of each of your tales. However, I often used the ‘go back’ button to change the second of my two choices, when I didn’t want to restart the entire narrative. That means I read through all eight stories without seeing the secret ending. If I hadn’t noticed Mizal’s comment, I wouldn’t have bothered searching for it. I wonder if there’s any way to discourage the player from clicking the ‘go back’ button, without disrupting the flow of your writing?

I have to say, your trick with the page titles was very clever! When I initially planned out my review, I was going to comment that they took a much harsher tone than the narrative itself. For example, in one tale, a man is mourning over his dead daughter. Why does the title refer to her as a brat, when the narrator seemed to care for her so much? Why do some of the stories have a caring and thoughtful protagonist, while others have a psychopathic one? Your true ending explains the ‘inconsistency’.

Though not obvious upon first glance, each of these titles also plays significance to the characterization of the narrators and the ordering of events in the tale. Suppose that you choose the option, “she speaks”. The following title is: “one to begin and one to end”. The story with the ‘gold bell’ is the very beginning of the sequence of events, whereas the story with the ‘silver bell’ is how it all finishes.

This is also the first moment where we see that there are three narrators in the story, and that the primary narrator commonly takes the perspective of yet other narrators. Now, I found this part confusing at first. From the true end, its obvious who the female narrator is, but many of the tales are told in the first person despite being from someone else’s perspective (e.g. Daryl’s, Edward’s). I feel like the author could have fixed this by writing about these events in the third person.

There were three stories that didn’t seem to fit into the larger narrative, though the corresponding page titles and text alluded that they did. Perhaps I am simply missing the significance. The three endings I am referring to are: 1) If you choose “flowers” and then “She was lying”, 2) If you choose “A casket” and then “I waited”, and 3) If you choose “A casket” and then “I tried to reach it”. Also, while I understood the connections between the other five endings, I had to read through the story a second time (after the true ending) to fully grasp them. I wonder if there is a way to express these connections more clearly, without giving away the twist.

Ultimately, this was a very good game and I could tell you put a lot of effort into it. I highly enjoyed reading this. Excellent work! 6/8.

4/8
No comment. Nicely done. I wish it was a bit longer, but it's still fine the way it is.

EXTREME SPOILER WARNING

I just wanted to amend my previous review slightly in light of the secret ending that Mizal graciously made me aware of. I genuinely loved it. The meta aspects were clever and eerie. Honestly, I don’t really know what to say about it. I’m very glad I read this again. 10/10 recommended

really good

After finishing this... I need some cheesecake... I can't help but wonder why I have such an interest in this short little tale of a game...

I was told there was a secret ending, so I tried to find it. It took a bit, but eventually I found it! This was all super cool to read, and if I could, I'd rate it higher. 10 star quality.

As a side note, I’m writing this review as I play the game, then I’ll give my final thoughts at the end.
To start off, I really like the first choice. Starting the game with 4 very different options is an interesting approach I haven’t seen much in other story games I’ve played.
I started with the flower path, and I’d like to start out by saying I love the descriptions. Not so much that it starts to get boring, but enough that a nice scene is laid out in the reader’s mind.
I did spot a capitalization error, but nothing to drop a rating over.
I seem to have taken the shortest route on my first run, however, so I’ll try some other paths.
Upon further inspection, it seems each option gives you a different story. Honestly, I think that’s brilliant, and can’t wait to read the last two paths.
I love this writing, and your style goes with the stories perfectly.
I especially love the twist in the casket path, sad, but slightly happy at the same time.
The bell also had a great unexpected twist. I like how you left it up to the reader to decide what it might really be.
Overall, I give it an 8/8. I rarely ever give extreme ratings such as this, but I feel this one deserves it. The writing was perfect, the stories lovely, and everything was put together in the best way possible. Keep up the great work. :)

I think it's very well written...