love & dating
Commended by BerkaZerka on 9/21/2019 9:17:33 AM
, #9 for
Played 12,584 times (finished 403)
"No possible way to lose"
"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably be between PG-13 and R.
It doesn't matter what they say...
The following sums up what the core of the story is: ... warm memories of the time you had together flood your brain. You take them with you when you go.
Visiting the detailed locations in the story's setting, each location told a story of its own and you can appreciate the detail that went into crafting how each piece fit together to form the whole.
The search mechanic rewards the player by allowing them to discover even more in each location and this is a good devise to impart the little details that make such exploration worthwhile.
I do think the story would benefit by having the ability to circle back around each location, in case the player wants to revisit some of the warm and caring memories that all come together in the end.
If I had to go negative, it would be that I wanted more. More about the procedure done, more about the debt collectors and more about the special relationship between mother and son-in-law.
This might have made the story a bit larger, so I realize this suggestion may be out of the scope for its intended audience.
on 2/22/2020 3:54:24 AM with a score of 0
I can just imagine the angry puritans from the church, all gathering outside the poor men's house with torches and pitch forks, chanting, "It's Mork and Mindy, not Mirk and Mondy!"
Got to say, I was very surprised by the twist at the end. I congratulate you for giving End a run for his money in terms of edginess... Still, I found the relationship between the two men to be very sweet, and for some reason I couldn't really think badly of Mirk, even at the end. Poor little bugger. :(
Also, incredibly impressed with Mirk's stamina, since at the beginning, you have the option to just repeatedly make love to Mondy as many times as you like in a row without stopping... I guess when you love someone that much, your passion just goes on forever. (Also, very impressed with how well he was... "preserved"... Both inside and out. They must be some potent embalming oils.) ^_^
I think my favourite part what the abandoned building in the woods... By the third time I had to click on it, I was practically ripping my hair out with anticipation. I was like... "What? What's in there? What happened? This had better be fucking good!" ... And it was. I definitely didn't see that coming.
Reading through the comments has got me having second thoughts about the whole story now. I mean originally, I assumed the church and the mother turned against Mirk and Mondy's relationship because "God hates fags" and all that... But now I'm wondering what order everything happened in... I mean, after your son brings his recently embalmed lover over for Sunday dinner, even the most understanding mother is going to raise an eyebrow. :p
Any way, to sum up... Not exactly sure if it's what you intended, but this was a really sweet love story... I mean, yeah, it was incredibly fucked up, yet still, while the relationship wasn't described in a massive amount of detail, it came across very nicely just how happy the two of them were together... And I'm sure Mondy would have appreciated knowing that their love was strong enough to transcended even death itself. ^_^
on 8/6/2019 9:54:53 AM with a score of 0
Wow, this story was...something else. And I mean that in a good way. Okay, so where do I start?
This story was much more sad than creepy in my opinion. Mirk was a broken man who had sacrificed everything for the man he loved. His home, his business, his friends, his family, his very life. He sacrificed it all for Mondy but it wasn't enough. He couldn't bear to accept that his whole life, Mondy, was gone. So he acted like he wasn't. It is really tragic to see, and I think you managed to portray such hopeless denial in a wonderful way. I really felt bad for the guy.
Now, on to the big reveal. I think it was written in a pretty good way. There were many subtle hints throughout the story. Some good ones were the wivesmaids refusing to let Mondy in particular into the communal house despite enjoying his company previously, our mother telling us to let Mondy go after he got sick despite being happy for us earlier, and the fly landing on Mondy's eye. I think these were sufficiently subtle hints towards Mondy's deceased status. You didn't feel the need to bash the reader over the head with it which is always appreciated.
Now, as for the writing itself. This was a very well written piece. I don't think I saw a single grammar or spelling mistake. The descriptive writing was also spot on. You really managed to build a world and scenery with nothing more than a few words. All the dialogue, despite being understandably one sided, was well written and portrayed just how hard Mirk was trying to delude himself. It was an all around beautifully written story.
My only real issue with the story is that the gay sex scene in the opening sentence was a bit jarring and made me double take a bit. But, well, that could have been intentional. It just felt a bit odd considering how the rest of the story was written. But thats just my opinion, no reason to put much stock into it.
All in all this was a wonderful story. Beautifully written characters, great scenery, fantastic use of descriptive writing, good foreshadowing, and no spelling or grammar mistakes. I expected a great story from you and you provided one and then some. Fantastic work Mizal.
on 8/5/2019 11:46:34 PM with a score of 0
Inseparable is one of my favorite games on the site for a number of reasons. It's only right that it's a featured storygame, this is one that I'd recommend any newcomer read, and if you haven't, put it at the top of your list. It's a beautiful example, and proof that you don't need a lot of words to tell a great and memorable story.
The writing truly does make you feel all sorts of emotions, and I found myself more and more heartbroken the more I read, always excited (and afraid) to read the next page. It's not easy to keep a reader engaged at all times during a storygame, but Inseparable accomplishes it quite well.
And the obvious thing to point out for criticism would probably be the length, but I didn't find it to be a problem at all. This story still feels complete, and while I'm left wanting more, that's to be expected with something written in this style. If anything, I'm more inclined to applaud Mizal for managing to roll such great storytelling into just over 4000 words. I vaguely remember another storygame on this site years ago that had a pretty similar method of telling a tragic love story through memories, and it was also featured. This is a much better replacement, though, so I'm not complaining in the slightest.
And finally, I'd like to address how this storygame really makes you think. It's dark, it's unusual, it's frightening at times, and yet it's still beautiful. There's a lot of different ways to interpret the relationship between Mirk and Mondy, different ways you can think about this story as a whole. And again, the fact that the game manages to do all this even with a fairly low word count by the standard of featured games is impressive. Inseparable will always be an easy 8/8 in my book.
on 4/13/2021 1:46:57 AM with a score of 0
Okay, I've left a comment here before that was kicked to the curb. So I do want to clarify — this is a very, very good story. The vocabulary is spectacular, the descriptive language is on point, no bugs or glitches.
There was also something about a corpse? I didn't get to that part, which is why I didn't comment on it. I also didn't get to it here, because I didn't explore that much.
And as for getting the gender wrong, well, shoot. That was stupid. I won't deny that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, I legitimately didn't notice I was writing from a female POV. I guess I just have not been around a lot of gay couples. No bias, just truth. This is not an excuse.
But: readers don't like it when people die suddenly. If there's a stupid choice that obviously leads to death, well, that's another story. They clearly want to die. But I didn't appreciate that here, while I was trying to save our lives, we died.
Lastly, there's no real plot. Mostly it describes the past, and we find a few meaningful objects that show our bond. Then there are a few choices that lead to death or endless happiness. Nothing wrong with that, I just would've liked to see more peril.
Again, I'm not hating. Mizal is one of the best, if not THE best, authors on here. I'm not saying I write better. Honestly, I prefer reading over writing. There are many parts of this I enjoyed, just not all of it. Maybe she was starting out here when she wrote this. I apologize for my earlier comment. And for Pete's sake — don't make fun of this. It's an apology (and probably a lame one) and if you just laugh, I guess you just... want to hold a grudge or something. I was rude. I was just trying to point out issues. In my foolishness, I left out the good parts.
Have a nice day.
on 4/1/2021 10:56:28 AM with a score of 0
It is really good, I thought that the person we were playing as was a girl until later in the story. I feel like the person you are should be described before you start the story.
— Emma on 3/8/2021 10:08:03 AM with a score of 0
was mondy dead the whole time?
— Destiny Callihan on 3/3/2021 9:20:36 PM with a score of 0
Really good! I enjoyed the twist where he actually died. It confused me for a second, I thought I'd be like one of those stories where the main character realizes they've been in love with a long-dead person, but confusion is good! When it was sorted out it made it even better! Highly recommended.
on 12/12/2020 6:42:00 AM with a score of 0
I feel like this story was very sudden. Didn't have much context. How were we supposed to know that the hill would be too steep? There also were only three endings, two of which you both died, and one where you lived, with no way to tell which one you would die at. You'd think that you wouldn't die moving to the village to get a new home for the winter... after all, you were trying NOT to die in the freezing winter cold, correct? Oh well.
Also, there were not enough choices. I didn't know either of the characters that well and I didn't know which choice would have whatever reaction. How were we supposed to know that when she prayed for forgiveness she would hang herself the next morning? Very sudden, not a lot of choices, and didn't know the characters. Those were the problems for me.
on 12/7/2020 10:28:08 AM with a score of 0
its okay, if your bored
— idk on 11/2/2020 4:00:48 PM with a score of 0
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