"Too few ratings to be ranked"
Played 462 times (finished 55)
"Run through the jungle"
"It keeps going and going"
"I'll need to see some identification"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 16. If this were a movie, it would probably be between PG-13 and R.
The social unrest in the city of Sebinter has been the main thought in everyone's mind as they carry on in the five Districts. The Military presence on the moon of Neboria, fighting the colonists, continues as it has been for years. With each passing day, the situation worsens and the slowly disintegrating morals cause more and more violence in the people. The Korr promises peace, and the politics are never getting to that goal. The group known as the Nightingales continues to fight against the Korr Federation. The fires and the destruction continue to drive people into the slums. There are no heroes, no saviors, no religion. The blood sweat, tears, and strength of man alone in this age are the only things able to bring about the peace in this chaotic, dangerous, strange world. This age of technology. This time of crisis.
Yeah, I wanted to enjoy this because of the effort that was taken to create a certain mood and atmosphere with the whole setting. That is something that I don't really see all the time, and it is appreciated, but there's also some glaring issues here.
First of all, I'm unsure if it's a stylistic choice, but the lack of indenting really effected my enjoyment of this story at times. There were moments in which characters shared the same space for dialogue, and it was just a bit of a mess in terms of immersion and cohesiveness, at least for me. Again, if that was some sort of stylistic choice, okay? Good on you for being consistent with that, but it's not something I particularly enjoyed wholeheartedly.
But as first as the story goes, currently I have to say at the time of this writing, this is the story-game that has most put me in a cyberpunk state of mind. The music, the atmosphere, the conflicts, etc. However, the issues that are glaring for me, well, they are hard to ignore.
I think this is a game that I will have to go back and read more than thrice, to see if my enjoyment/opinion/rating on this will change upon subsequent replays. Congrats on the contest entry. This story is one that has made me sit and ponder on it much more than what I could’ve possibly thought that I would be doing upon my first glance at the title page.
on 7/12/2021 8:17:57 PM with a score of 0
I'm just leaving a quick comment for now, saving the real review for after any post-comp edits go in.
As has already been mentioned, formatting is the big issue here. There just needs to be something breaking up these solid blocks of text. Blank lines between paragraphs, and particularly when you need to separate a speaker's dialogue from the surrounding action.
Though obviously a great deal of work was put into this (and I applaud you for that) it just becomes wasted effort if you skimp on the details that draw a reader in in and keep them there.
I'd try including a little variation in your sentences, as in some places it's this sort of robotic feeling, "You did this. You did that. You see this. He does that." sort of thing. And I already mentioned on the forum how scripting can help you...people are going to see the word count and come in with expectations, but a lot of what's here are identical paths cloned with copy and pasting. (And that couldn't have been very fun for you either...)
I didn't really notice many typos and I love the detailed setting, but my only other suggestion is that since the old school 'explore the map' type of text game may be new to some readers here, you include a little more of a plot hook early on, just so that there's not quite so much clicking around without knowing what the goals or conflict is.
I hope this doesn't sound overly negative, as I said right now I'm mostly just addressing things you might want to look at when you go to put your edits in. I'll return at some future point to discuss the actual plot and so on.
on 7/17/2021 1:37:51 PM with a score of 0
The gritty oppression and feeling of hopelessness are very cyberpunk, same all the sectors and way choices are presented.
However, it is excruciating to read because of how it is formated, It makes reading very annoying, and people with ocular problems like me could get a headache.
I think that was a stylistic choice due to following that old retro computer vibe, but it takes more from reading than it gives as immersion.
My ending was being killed in a nightingale vs borg battle after joining the federal force. I like the items. However, I think the training was too short, and the blue room is just read a text about planning and read and just it. A more fleshed out puzzle or a dialogue with an npc or some short riddle could have been far better. In my opinion, overall, a solid 5 that other paragraph system could have been a 6. Sorry I can give a 6 to something that gave me a headache.
on 7/14/2021 5:12:07 AM with a score of 0
Once you finish the game, type the ending you got. I wanna see how many people chose the same path. Thank you and enjoy.
on 7/12/2021 7:41:04 PM with a score of 0
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