Player Comments on Post-Apocalyptic Empire

Okay, before I forget; on the 'Allow the invasion of Hernville' page, the 'do nothing' link leads to a page with no words except the original ones, and no links. That needs fixing.

The links throughout the game are pointless; we have no choice to do as we want. It is extremely linear! One 'wrong' click on the 'wrong' link means death. There is only one 'right' link on each page, so that makes it boring. You can't even choose your heir! You are forced to have the people choose them for you!

And the spelling and all that? Needs work, and not just a little bit. Same with spaces, which are supposed to be placed between the comma or period and the word that comes after that.

To short, it is made to where you have a ton and a half of land just a few clicks after that first town. Then I think I have the world... Over a thousand years later.

The plot is a little... Well, taking over the world is what villains in movies want to do. And the character's personality is unknown, so I don't know why they want so much territory.

It can be improved, but with work. Work on the plot, character description, spelling, wording, all that. You can do it if you take your time; you don't need to rush to publish. Writing a good story that people like is hard, and you can't rush through it, or get bored with it. Write a story that you are interested in, and the outcome will be much better, as you will of put more effort into it.

The pages were to short and the story not really captivating in my opinion. The choices also were either obvious or forced you to follow a certain path. There was even a blank page at some point which the author did not bother with.

I'm not good with grammar so I noticed nothing wrong in that department.
All in all just 3/8

Extremely linear. There was only one path that didn’t lead to death. All “wrong” choices either lead to death or just to the choice that the author wanted the reader to pick.

4/8

Not much diversity in choices you may go down without immediately dying.

The pages are very short.

I saw many spelling errors.

It was still a fun short game but there isn't much to this Post-Apocalyptic world.

Other stories have done genre this much better.

i didn't get far but... its poorly written. and within the first option apparently you are 'assassinated' because...people apparently knew immediately that you had...opted to set up a secret police organization to route out anarchists...its always nice when people give you an option that don't want you to pick. if your going to call it a 'choose your own adventure' give people actual options.

I didn't really read this tbh I just saw it was less than 1000 words and that the first page was full of bad Engrish with no spaces after the commas.

I clicked a little while and then got executed by guillotine, which weirdly, was actually spelled correctly.

Honestly it was short. It had a little under 1000 words and they were not that good to begin with. Also like stated before, every time you make a wrong choice you die. There is no branching what so ever. Why not write this as flash fiction? I mean for real, there was no point in making this story in this format when you could have wrote it somewhere else and you might have got a little praise from your family members. There was also a lot of spelling and grammar issues. I see it was your first story and you have gotten better, but I have no idea how you got a 3.53/8 rating.

I'm being nice here 2/8

This is not terrible, but the story has lots of grammar and punctuation errors. The idea is good though, but I think the book should have been longer.

You should take the time to flesh the story out more.

There was not enough dynamics in the decisions made.
Not enough variables, and it was very rushed. I was expecting to see a slow, piece by piece, expansion, with many uncertainties, uncertain outcomes, and no ultimatums that are one-sided, not "You have conquered North America" a few moments after conquering your first village. Something that bothered me was the outcome for "choosing your heir", since in reality, the second option would almost never result in something like that. It's a centralized government with a strong military, and numerous empires lasted that way for centuries.

The game should also include more random outcomes for battles, if possible.

That being said, it was fun. For a few minutes, I was genuinely intrigued and entertained. The very fact that I'm asking for improvements is simply because I enjoyed it. I would like a longer game, though.

it had little to no work put into it thats why i gave it a 2/8

Enjoyable. Apparently I'm a great leader! ;) Thx 4 the fun game!

It's really cool! Keep it up, and lots of people will thank you!

Somewhat short, but not bad

I played this 3 times and found 1 ending not incuding death.

Enjoyable, I found this to be decent.

too short

Good idea, but too short.

It was pretty good, however I thought it was too short.

I really liked it, make more!

Good game. Wish it was longer, though.

Needs to be longer

kinda nice, but can you build on it more? to make the story more interesting?

I liked it. All the outcomes seemed realistic and it was an awesome concept. I would love to see another one with more options and a longer game, with more than just one winning route, like multiple types of outcomes where you can win and lose in different ways.

This is bird poo.

Cool concept, but needs more chioces, there is an unfinished page =(

It was a good story! :)

I took offense to the anarchist part man it's just the first cuts the deepest I am offended because I am an anarchist jk just was an ok story

I like leader ship games this one just wasn't that great. So answers led to nothing, it was like you were forcing me to pick and answer. I also hated how I had to pick the death option, just explain we die and put the option to leave a comment.

Pretty interesting concept! Could use a little more, though.

i loved it but wish it was a bit longer

This was a fun little story!

cool being a tyrant yet having public democratic elections was a bit confusing but cool. I gotta ask why Kentucky?

It awesome

I loved this game! Being a tyrant is fun ^_^

The story was decent, but it wasn't finished and the options were unrealistic for a group during the apocalypse (like a base in portugal).

Interesting game, nice concept

It was illogical at some points, as some choices would have resulted in a very different story. Your punctuation and length needs work, but everything else in terms of qualitative parts are okay. This is definitely NOT a choose-your-story, since you threaten the reader with death with every wrong "decision". 1/8

Paxz

Seth says MEH! Too short but otherwise good.

Here's a similar story that was well made.
http://chooseyourstory.com/story/warlords~3a-strategic-conquest

The link might not work so look up urnam0

Intresting but not as much freedom as i would have liked. Also I enjoy maps of the events or world but thats up to the author to add them. good job!

I love the concept, and mechanics, other than that it was pretty average.

Interesting concept and a decent application of it. I liked it =)

Well,I finished making this game at like 1 A.M. in the morning,and I really needed to sleep,so I just published it.

I think you really tried to make a good story, but perhaps got bored partway through or were surprised by how much work it required, because this shows signs of being a decent story which hasn't been properly finished.
It's linear.
I found a "this is a new page"