Remember

I really like your stories, I don't care that they're short. Good work. ^_^
Still, it could do with some improvement. The little ghost girl's really interesting, but I think the most important part of any ghost story is finding out why the person is haunting you. Since you never find that out, I don't feel like the story's finished.

I greatly enjoyed the use of the 1st person narration. But, while the game itself exuded a certain atmosphere, I feel basing the plot on several backlooping questions annoyed me more than it added to the mystery.

The endings were also too short to provide a meaningful punch. In one path, I lost my eyes through the blunt force of a ghostgirl, but it wasn't remarked further on, or rather treated more like a sore thumb than something so visceral. In another, it was mentioned in passing it was my sister. A third talked about a swerve in a car and revenge.

But instead of giving me food for thought, a mystery to be solved through inferring hints through multiple branches, I feel it was both too much and too little. Combining it gives you a relatively complete picture, but the picture itself lacks the weight to give me pause.

Yeah, what I said before. Decent premise but not fleshed out enough. ^_^

Well that was short. You should play it though. There isn't much backstory and almost all of the choices make you go back. I liked it, but I need more plot to give it a better rating.

Was what I got a good ending. I played twice and got what I thought of as bad endings. ???

Like I said on your last game, it could have much more meat on it's bones. I am not going to go into much detail because this game has the same problems as your last one.

What?

I gave a note a tad higher than I'd normally rate this game because I suspect a lot of people simply condemned the length of this story, which feels like a "proof of concept" to me . Apart from that, I just can't understand why your sister have to be brought at the last moment, in only ONE of the endings.
One of the ends where you get saved by an unknown fella seem kind of... bland?
On the other hand, the pace was good, you were quite effective in setting the atmosphere.
I was looking for a "bad" story (to gather examples) but I had a fairly good time playing this. My quest continues, then.

Why does it say you're a young man and then the doctor calls you Ms.?

There are giant spaces between all the lines and it's too short but good job.

This is a tough one because the writing itself is very strong and I like the idea of not much to each page, making the pacing feel faster. But... Its more a poemgame than a storygame. Where is the plot developments. This would barely even count as a short story.

There are waaaaaaaaay too many questions left unanswered:
Why is she being haunted?
What does she have to remember?
Did she remember?
What was the darkness at the end?
How can a ghost kill you?

As far as scripting, that is solid, with back links and try again links on dead ends.

I think you get the point. By leaving so much out, it does not necessarily up the suspense or the horror factor... or even the mystery. It is just an empty story parading as horror. I mean, you could have done so much with the running scene, making is a labyrinth of horrifying obstacles and dead ends.

This style and story has work, but I see it as still very much unpolished and unfinished. I counted many places with no punctuation, for instance. As others have said, it works as an outline.