Player Rating2.62/8

"#931 overall, #117 for 2014"
based on 118 ratings since 03/02/2014
played 711 times (finished 112)

Story Difficulty2/8

"walk in the park"

Play Length1/8

"Make sure not to blink"

Maturity Level4/8

"need to be accompanied by an adult"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG.



This is my second story game. I tried to make it with more choices and a better plot. It is very short, but I think it will still be enjoyable.

I still want to add to it or make a sequel. Feedback would be nice. I tried to make it a little more interactive and understandable. So please enjoy.

Player Comments

I really like your stories, I don't care that they're short. Good work. ^_^
Still, it could do with some improvement. The little ghost girl's really interesting, but I think the most important part of any ghost story is finding out why the person is haunting you. Since you never find that out, I don't feel like the story's finished.
-- Briar_Rose on 3/1/2014 6:26:41 PM with a score of 0
Well that was short. You should play it though. There isn't much backstory and almost all of the choices make you go back. I liked it, but I need more plot to give it a better rating.
-- noname on 4/10/2020 6:36:28 PM with a score of 0
Was what I got a good ending. I played twice and got what I thought of as bad endings. ???
-- Quorrah on 7/14/2019 1:33:31 PM with a score of 0
Like I said on your last game, it could have much more meat on it's bones. I am not going to go into much detail because this game has the same problems as your last one.
-- BgirlStories on 5/6/2019 3:25:27 PM with a score of 0
-- Geordie on 4/2/2019 7:59:01 AM with a score of 0
I gave a note a tad higher than I'd normally rate this game because I suspect a lot of people simply condemned the length of this story, which feels like a "proof of concept" to me . Apart from that, I just can't understand why your sister have to be brought at the last moment, in only ONE of the endings.
One of the ends where you get saved by an unknown fella seem kind of... bland?
On the other hand, the pace was good, you were quite effective in setting the atmosphere.
I was looking for a "bad" story (to gather examples) but I had a fairly good time playing this. My quest continues, then.
-- mazdark on 11/7/2018 11:02:28 AM with a score of 0
Why does it say you're a young man and then the doctor calls you Ms.?

There are giant spaces between all the lines and it's too short but good job.
-- CastIron on 1/22/2018 9:47:23 PM with a score of 0
This is a tough one because the writing itself is very strong and I like the idea of not much to each page, making the pacing feel faster. But... Its more a poemgame than a storygame. Where is the plot developments. This would barely even count as a short story.

There are waaaaaaaaay too many questions left unanswered:
Why is she being haunted?
What does she have to remember?
Did she remember?
What was the darkness at the end?
How can a ghost kill you?

As far as scripting, that is solid, with back links and try again links on dead ends.

I think you get the point. By leaving so much out, it does not necessarily up the suspense or the horror factor... or even the mystery. It is just an empty story parading as horror. I mean, you could have done so much with the running scene, making is a labyrinth of horrifying obstacles and dead ends.

This style and story has work, but I see it as still very much unpolished and unfinished. I counted many places with no punctuation, for instance. As others have said, it works as an outline.
-- Shyshaeia on 1/21/2018 9:23:01 PM with a score of 0
I think you have some cool ideas. There are a few mistakes that you need to fix however. Look for your tense (past vs. present). Also watch out for "there" vs. "their" vs. "they're".
With some details this could turn out to be a great story. Keep up the good work! :)
-- DragonLord on 1/20/2018 4:37:15 PM with a score of 0
What just happened?
-- CodeShatterer on 1/18/2018 8:27:24 PM with a score of 0
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