The faery, the toller and the rusty door

Before I forget: Where had the protagonist ever learned magic? You wrote that he knew it exists, but you also mentioned that he knew how to actually USE it. When did he ever learn?

You have some grammar errors, including your dialogue. It's not that you bolded or underlined or whatever-ed it, but when two different people speak, their dialogue goes to different paragraphs. You also had a few forgivable spelling mistakes.
(Though it's not recommended to try to differentiate dialogue spoken by someone else.)

Also, the story ended too soon! I want to know what happens between the faerie and the protagonist, as well as if the protagonist manages to find a way out of the mountains. ;-; The subplot with the Tolley-guy is just what it is - a subplot/arc. The story is incomplete.

I like the mild sense of humor in here. It certainly contributed to the overall atmosphere of the story. I also like your writing. :D You combine characters, description, and setting so well!! I felt like I was right in the scene when I read this story. I really look forward to more of your work!

My thoughts largely mimic mizal's. The story had some technical issues: grammar errors, pacing in places and misspellings. But I enjoyed the story.

I'm assuming from Briar's comment that there is a way to win by defeating the fairy, but it still seems odd that the story could also end after defeating the Toller but not the fairy, as it seemed the driving force of the plot was to save dear old dad. The story feels like it ended before it was truly over.

For a first story, this was very good, though there are areas that could be improved. Overall, very much a breath of fresh air compared to many of the recent stories that have been published. I look forward to your next story. (And encourage you to participate in the forums.)

I really enjoyed this! There were a few issues, but certainly a breath of fresh air compared to some of the more recent stories popping up on the site.

I was confused as to why the story ended after I defeated the Toller, as I thought the larger plot was rescuing the dad. There were a few spelling errors--nothing too distracting, but a quick proofread and clean up would not go amiss--and I thought the way the inventory items were handled was a little buggy, or at least clunky, in a few places. But then again I often feel that way about inventory items in a more story heavy game; I don't see any reason why items and the options to use them couldn't just be tracked with scripting, especially since you seem to have partially done that here.

Technical issues aside, I loved the city and the imaginative setting here. I just wish this had been longer, and again, that I'd been able to go on to rescue the character's father after defeating the Toller. It felt like the story ended just when it was getting warmed up.

I played over and over, and selected every possible option. I was even able to have both the spell book and the axe and no matter what still lost. It never gave me an option to use the axe to defeat the fairy. I also couldn't drop the spell book so that wouldn't be an option and if you don't have the spell book it won't let you fight her. So you always die.
Very disappointed.

It was a amateur story but it could of been worse i am sure so nice try for your 1st story to the person that made it

"The pitiful faery-circle did´t hold up for even a second, not under your anti-magic(tm) pick-axe. Slowly, a cottage fades into view. In it, your father and a dozen others, finally freed from Sorya´s spell.


And you lived happily ever after."

Uh-huh. Nice game. ;)

"...the bell.
The magically charged shot explodes across the bell, shattering it into a thousand pieces.


The Toller-of-Bells lets out a mournful shriek, and collapses into itsself, vanishing for good. A bright light seems to spill out from the shattered bell, and soaks the realm in life.


The light seems to spread in a circle, constantly growing. As it touches the ruined city, it seems to flicker and be restored.


As it touches the black sands lazily drifting across the lands, it reforms itself into millions of sand-forms. They are frozen in shock, and then break out into cheer.


It travels further, restoring the flowing desert into a shifting forest, and the shattered wastes into a lush, golden-bladed savannah.


And as it touches the island in the middle of the now-restored forest, a shining star rises forth and floats to the softly shining source of light in the ceiling. It inserts itself, and suddenly, it seems like the sun has risen.





And all the sand-forms cheer:

"ALL HAIL KING YOU!""

Hmm... so the bell was the source of evil afterall? ;)

It's got a good storyline with so many different options

Revived the good people of Metal Land. Good story.

Enjoyable, with multiple endings possible, and some puzzles that encourage replaying.
A good game, and one that makes me look forward to future titles, hopefully more in-depth, from this author.