The Naughty Nachos

As the description says, this storygame was very clearly written in an extremely short period of time, almost as though the author entered a contest and didn't write anything until the last day or two. That would be crazy.

In fact, I'm almost apprehensive to call this a "storygame" because there's literally only one choice in the entire thing, and one of the two paths is very clearly an afterthought.

The setting itself is fairly interesting, and I can see what the author was going for with the plot, but the rushed and short nature of this work means that I had almost no time to get attached to characters such as Clara or her sister, and therefore no time to care about them or what happened to them. As expected, there are many spelling mistakes and grammar slip-ups, and at a few points it's impossible to tell who's talking because paragraphs are put in the middle of a single person's speech in the same manner as paragraphs which are intended to imply that a new person is talking.

If anything, this is a testimony to how a somewhat interesting concept can be completely ruined by poor time-management. Digit, I don't think you're a bad author by any means, you've clearly got the ideas there and some of your dialogue is pretty entertaining, but you really shot yourself in the foot by not allowing yourself enough time to finish this story. But, hey, sometimes that can't be avoided.

It's a shame, but I think this only just qualifies for a 3, being generous.

It was alright

A game I read in 18 minutes,

from Endmaster's prompt contest.

Not bad, but not what I would enjoy reading.

You know, I had a little bit of hope for this story. When you said it was written in 18 hours, I thought you meant 18 hours of actual writing time, which is a hell of a lot, especially for a 4k word game. And then I read it and got what you really meant. I’m not going to say don’t read it, but there isn’t much branching and it relies mostly on vulgarity for its main gimmick. Which can be fun to read about, and if you’re looking for that kind of thing then sure, it’s a quick read.

As far as branching goes it has one choice. I appreciate there aren’t any fake out death choices, at least it’s transparent with lack of branching, but one of the two paths is even significantly shorter than the other. It isn’t even two paths of decent length.

I mean the dialogue was okay, and the story is mostly dialogue. I would’ve expected less formality from some of the characters, like instead of responding “Yes” responding “Yeah” but most of the time the dialogue fits the rest of the storygame’s tone, if a little outlandish. Though that works here.

I could talk about other things but I don’t really feel the need. I’m not really that big a fan of this storygame, it’s not bad, just didn’t feel like there was much to it. It has some style, but overall I don’t care for it.

Decent concept that could be really interesting if enough effort was placed behind it, but, as it is right now, it does not fulfill its potential. This is most likely due to the time constraint of the contest deadline for which it was written.

The characters are not bad. I liked that there were secondary characters that had development and backstory. This story could have really benefitted from a proofread.

The branching was nonexistent - only one choice in the whole thing. Even some minor choices that did not really change the story path would have made this seem better.

Overall, not horrible for rushed work, but not a CYOA .