Alright! I’m so glad that a lot of people took an initiative in the last prompt, and many even tried making sonnets! Since last time we made a poem about nature, a very peaceful and scenic topic, let’s do something completely opposite this time!
This time the prompt is to make a poem that is as edgelord-ish as possible. Your poem should be gruesome, repulsive, horrifying and utterly disgusting! It should be medium to show the extent of filth in the human mind. If you want inspiration for this one, there are many rich sources like 4-chan, 8-chan, pedophile reports, murder reports, or the ultimate source, a poem inspired by the actions of the great moderator Kiel!
We all know limericks, 5 liner poems with an AABBA rhyme scheme that is generally used for light hearted jokes. So of course we’re going to use this light hearted poem format to express the inner devil of the mind! The optional requirement this time is making your poem a double-limerick, i.e a poem with ten lines, divided into 2 stanzas, each with 5 lines. Each stanza should follow the ‘AABBA’ rhyme scheme.
Now for the meter of limericks!
In general, for a limerick, lines one, two, and five have three stressed syllables, while lines three and four have two stressed syllables.
So the sounds should be somewhat like
Lines 1,2, 5: deeh-deeh-dah or deeh-dah-dee.
Lines 3,4: deeh-dah or dah-deeh
In general, just try and make the lines 1,2 and 5 sounding similar, but different from 3,4 and you’ll be set!
The number and placement of the unstressed syllables is flexible. There is at least one unstressed syllable between the stresses but there may be more – as long as there are not so many as to make it impossible to keep the equal spacing of the stresses. (If you want to know what unstressed and stressed syllables are, refer to the prompt of week 12)
An edgelord poem, with a repulsive context.
The poem should be a double limerick. A poem with 2 stanzas, each stanza should be 5 lines long and follow AABBA rhyme scheme.
Example of a double limerick:
I was walking down the street,
To perform a joyous feat,
But I stumbled,
And then I mumbled,
What a bad day to eat,
Then I came across a man,
With a good joyous plan,
He charmed me,
Then conned me,
And all I have is a can.
(I know, the example is vague; but this is just to give an idea of a double-limerick.)
@Gower @mizal @Ozoni @Mayana @Orange @Cricket @Endmaster @Austinc @ninjapitka
I’ve given everyone a fresh start based on the points gained last week. Also, whoever has the most total points after this week will get to decide the prompt of the next week! So do your best!
Now why, dear Shouja, did you decide to tag those you did?
Of course I can’t let the lord of edgelords and her daughter not know about this.
Well, bar's been set now.
Fortunately for the Indian Tranny, his summoning didn't even work, I just wandered in here naturally.
There was a young man named Hill
Who thought live women quite shrill.
To the cemetery
He fled with heart merry,
And went on to consume his fill.
The sweet ambrosia did flow,
And with this dear Hill did show
That he was not sexist,
Nor very selective
In his choice of undead beau.
As far as I'm concerned this one already won. No need for anyone else to bother.
Thank you. :)
Peeps can compete for second, if they're into that.
Dammit. Meant dead, not undead, but this works.
Although, deceased would be better with the meter...
Actually, undead is good. I like it.
Necrophilia, as the context of the poem was a good choice, and the poem managed to get across the point and story rather nicely. I loved the use of the word ‘ambrosia’ here, the imagery from that word is nice. Using ‘undead’ was very metaphorical, since the the corpses could seem alive in the eyes Hill, which could me a motivation for his necrophilia.
‘And with this, dear Hill did show’ the use of inversion here is good, but it kinda seems somewhat out off meter; but it could just be me I think.
Anyway, nice poem. 5 points!
A Texan desired some snack foods
She put on her hat and her black boots
She bought something spiky
I gasped and said, "crickey!"
She laughed and said I don't know jackfruits.
Then with her knife did she hack throu't
It ran like a syphilis sack-flute,
It oozed out a resin
It stunk to high heaven
It tasted like armpit of yak--w00t!
I like the poem, even though it’s not extremely edgelord, the meter is flawless throughout. The unique ending line of the poem gives it a humorous aftertaste, and if that was the intention, it was executed nicely.
(Fact that the poem is based on a recent event is good too, and quite frankly, I’m amazed at the accurate description of the Texan lady here. You could’ve also added a nice black horse as her preferred means of transportation!)
‘Syphilis sack-flute’ I like this simile a lot. It manages to produce the image in my mind with very minimal effort. Good use of brevity.
The spacing and format really helps a lot while reading the limericks.
Nice poem, 5 points.
You're gay, today is not your day
Violets are blue
Where did they hide the jews?
Virgins all around me
Your mom has a peepee
Daddy is disappointed
His son is a faggot
Wife is cheating
Life is fleeting
You're still gay, today is not your day
I like the unique use of the meter here. Even though it seems vaguely random at first glance, there’s some sort of synchrony in play here. Use of ‘but’ completely fulfills the purpose of providing a ‘halt’ in the poem; and fact that it’s right before the ending line adds more to that atmosphere.
The context seems vaguely random, kind of like completely unrelated lines were added together; but this could just be your style of poetry. Still, if there was at least some ‘flow’ in the context, I would’ve liked it.
Creative use of meter and words here. Nice! 4 points.
My mom was loving, so loving and so kind
She was so doting, to my pranks she was blind,
But then one day,
I saw her bathe,
And this hidden, primal urge, arose in my mind,
I barged through the door, gleaming with joy,
Grabbed her from behind, my fist like her toy,
And then with a knife,
I pleasured her alive,
As she squealed in delight, "you're a good boy!"
Autobiographical literature always has that special something.
I once said I loved you.
It seems as if years and years
Have escaped us. I thought you had
Held on tight, that your
Roots had stuck deep.
I had wished to unearth your name,
To experience the warmth of your embrace.
Yet the days have now withered and summer has
Found its fall, escorted by orange oblivion.
Your acorn eyes; your oaken limbs
Have boarded my windows, my mind.
The vessel that I made for you
Has branded us both.
It aches, it aches, it aches.
You hid within my walls; made
Promises that you could not keep.
You ate and drank my soul for a hundred days,
Then you waved farewell before I could realise.
A meal à deux is best served with a side
Of reverence and perspective
For the way in which I carried you, and you carried me.
I once said I loved you,
And I still do.
There are some nice figures of speech added. The poem is more or less a freeform style, but some lines felt a little bit out of place and out of rhythm. Even though the poem is freeform, I would suggest creating a repetition in the meter, like male the first two lines short, third long and fourth and/or fifth medium length. That would be a nice touch.
“Your acorn eyes; your oaken limbs
Have boarded my windows, my mind.”
Nice follow up, ‘oaken limbs boarding up the mind’ is a creative metaphor.
I think the context of the poem was lost on me a little bit, it’s a poem based on a breakup? But the You ended it with No homo? I can’t see anything edgelord in that other than maybe a gay relationship? Maybe I’m just missing and misinterpreting the poem.
‘A meal à deux’ line is another good metaphor, and this is a unique way writing it. It does manage to grasp the attention of the reader which I think was the objective.
Overall, nice poem, a little vague-ish but nice useful of figures of speech. 4 points.
It's about a miscarriage, written as a romantic poem. Key lines being
"I had wished to unearth your name,
To experience the warmth of your embrace."
No homo though
Oh, I didn't mean for "You hid within my walls" and "The vessel that I made for you" to come off as sexual euphemisms.
I swear ;)
Well this was a fun prompt. If my high school English teachers did something like this, I probably wouldn't have fallen asleep in class. Enjoy!
Tweedledee and Tweedledum,
Get your thumb away from my bum,
That no-no space,
Is meant for one place,
In the soapy bathtub of Mum,
Where duckies and bubbles meet,
Every good boy deserves their treat,
To fill up the tub,
She puts in the plug,
And uses my d*ck for a seat.
Wow, that was fun. I literally laughed after reading this. I like the usage of ‘Tweedlede Tweedledum’ in limericks,
which could make this a limerick, dactyl hybrid of sorts; and the way you made the next stanza’s first line almost similar in meter to the first. Nice rhythm.
I can’t see anything wrong with the meter at first glance, a bit of flexibility but that’s acceptable, so no complaints in that part.
The context is nice, and funny and repulsive at the same time, which is nice. Good poem, 5 points.
The plague left his body macilent,
His tendencies were still rather violent!
Crawled out of his cave,
And rambled and raved,
And went very suddenly silent.
He saw them all lie by the road,
Sun-baked, warty, and swollen like toads.
So he got out his spoon,
(He was quite opportune!)
And devoured infested meat-loads.
That one wasn't very good, I wanna do another one.
There once was a camgirl from France,
I paid to put maggots in her pants.
Didn't think she would do it,
But she just said "screw it"
And engaged in fly-larvae romance.
To depraved depths she did dive,
I saw that the worms were alive-
They burrowed and bit,
She did not give a shit
And became a fleshy, wet hive.
I hope these are edgy enough!
Replace maggot with bee, and fly-larvae romance to bee romance!
Furr Purr would approve.
It was originally gonna be bees, but then I figured simply having a pussy full of bees didn't imply quite as much trypophobia as being eaten alive by maggots.
The context of both the poems is good, in fact very good, since that’s repulsive all right. In the first poem the lines ‘and rambled and raved, and went...’ rambled, raved is a good alliteration. Though, the two lines sound similar and in a limerick you want the 4th and 5th line to sound different. Maybe it’s because you used ‘and’ as the starting word for both. If the third and fourth line had ‘and’ as starting it would’ve been better. I don’t think there’s a need to bracket ‘he was quite opportune!’ it might seem like an ‘inner thought’ of sorts but that’s understood in the poem, so no need for that.
Second poem, had a good meter and I couldn’t find anything haywire, except maybe you could make ‘do not’ as ‘don’t’ ? That suits the meter better.
The context of both the poems were extremely enjoyable. 4 points.
This is my first time, so here goes:
There was a man with the name of Bill
He loved his dog, and his wife Jill
He saw Jill watch porn
And she was killed by morn’
And so Bill fell ill
There was then only the dog
He slept through the night like a log
He woke up and didn’t know
Why his owner acted so
And so this is the epilogue...
That was horrible.
Context and is good, the wife being murdered by her husband, but then the husband miraculously fell ill? I think you could’ve given a reason for him being ill, maybe when he was murdering her, she threw up on him or something? The change of perspective to the dog was a good ‘turn’ of the poem, the poem manages to smoothly change the POV.
Meter is a bit off, maybe you could’ve made the ‘and’ lines of the first stanza like this?
‘She was killed by morn’
But then Bill suddenly fell ill’
By removing the ‘and’ and changing the fifth line, the fifth line sounds in meter with the second, which is essential in limericks.
‘The only one then left, was the dog,
He slept through the night like a log’
This would’ve been better, again, because of the meter of limericks.
Good attempt overall, 4 points.
I thought I’d make it a little funny to fit with the style of a limerick while still making it a bit edgy:
There was a man named Bob
They say he joined the mob
First he’d take you
Then he’d rape you
Then he’d start his job
First he’d cut off your toes
What he did with them nobody knows
Then he’d cut off your nipples
Sew them onto your dimples
And promptly let you go
Yes, that was actually my original aim with using a limerick for this type of poem, since limericks tend to add a funny element to any poem. Context of this poem accomplished that nicely, good blend of humour and edgelord at the same time.
Second line of the second stanza and the last line are not following the limerick pattern, but still the rhythm of the stanza doesn’t seem to be affected; in fact it gives a unique-ish touch.
‘Sew them onto your dimples’ was extremely funny, I liked this line a lot. But the line sounds somewhat off with the meter of the stanza.
Good poem, aside from the meter being a little here and there, it’s good. 4 points.
This is the first poem of this sort that I have created, so I wouldn't expect anything too spectacular. Please correct me if I have done the limericks wrong.
There was once this great fool,
Always acts as a tool,
And anywhere he treads
He leaves with chaos in his stead,
Unraveled as if from an infinite spool.
So to me, they went,
Their morals bent,
And a dagger they slide to me
As a silent contract; a kill they plea,
And only at his death will they be content.
Meter of the poem is a bit uneven. General rule of limericks is that the first, second and fifth line should sound similar, but different from the third and fourth line. But, even then, if you could’ve tried following the same meter for both the stanzas it could be treated as a unique meter. Meter-wise, this just feels a bit random.
As for the context, I think the person in the poem gets an assassination contract of sorts? That’s an okay-ish topic but not that edgy in my opinion.
Good usage of words here. Each line of the poem has this vague sense of symmetry, like ‘a silent contract; a kill they can plea’ sounds in harmony. If only the overall meter was in harmony too, I think this could be a nice poem meter-wise.
‘And only at his death will they be content.’ Using death and content here, gives the line a nice feel.
Overall, the lines of the poem are in harmony but the whole poem is not. There’s some wise use of punctuation too, which help harmonize the lines. 4 points.
Alright, looks like we have a draw between @Gower and @Orange in terms of points. What would you two like the next prompt to be? I’ll use both the prompts y’all suggest in the next two weeks.
I propose a double dactyl. There is no theme required. The form is hard enough without a theme.
It is a two stanza form with four lines in each stanza.
The first three lines of each stanza are composed of two dactyls each (BUM-da-da BUM-da-da) and the last line of each stanza is a dacytl plus one syllable (BUM-da-da-dah).
The only required rhyme is the end of each stanza.
There are some other rules as well to make it harder:
1) The first line is some form of themed nonsense
2) The second line is a proper name or a place name
3) One other line must be a single word
Rules all his subjects, a
Spewing his vitriol
Should I just log off or
Should I just rope?
Here's another one I wrote:
A Meditation on Buffy, season seven
Made out with Tara, and
Xander, and Oz
Her season seven crush
I've got a case of the
So a double dactyl in the traditional form then. Is it okay if I make the last line just one word, kinda like this?
Riding on a mare merry, with
Bucked off quickly, for his,
Is a double dactyl like this? I’m just attempting one to get a feel for the meter and poem.
I will use X for stressed
- for unstressed
/ for a medium stress
The meter of this poem should be
X - - X - -
X - - / (this line...)
X - - / (...rhymes with this line)
Here's your poem's meter:
Higgledy-Piggledy, X - - X - - that's right
Cowboy Jeffery your meter is X - X - - (I'm assuming "Jeffery" is three syllables)
Riding on a mare merry, with X - - - X X - (that meter isn't dactylic)
Idiosyncrasy, that's a good double dactyl word, but not for the fourth or eight lines which needs to be X - - /
Piggledy-Higgledy, the nonsense word should be confined only to line 1
Bucked off quickly, for his, X - X - - -
Miscarry. - X -
1. That first poem is awesome and worthy of being in your profile or something.
2. I love the meter of those. I'm not much of a poem person usually, but I do appreciate a piece with good rhythm to it.
3. If you are using rich text editor, there is a button you can press that will give you a spot to paste a link in and make it clickable. If you are not, I assume that you were just being lazy.
I want everyone to write villanelles about villians. It could be a super villain, historic villain, or your neighbor Bob who is just kind of an asshole.
Oh cool! I was planning to do them after both of your prompts anyway.
Good choice! I wrote mine last night. Looking forward to the thread for it going up.
I flew into the dark sky,
When I saw a plane fly by,
And saw her there,
By the window chair,
She had steel in her eye,
Then a bird streaked towards the craft,
Then came a sight that was daft,
She looked at me,
And wore a smile of glee,
As the plane blew to the past.
Well I know who won this round.