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Well, I'm outlining a story right now, well, the outlining is already finished, but it maybe needs some tweaking. I hope you guys will give me your brutal opinions.

So I was kind of inspired by games and books about pandemics so I came up with this kind of storyline. I'm just wondering if this kind of thing has been done to death before. (I know zombies are for example a bit overdone in this site)

The story is set in the capitol of a fictional country which just has experienced a major economic boom due to the invention of the steam machine a few decades ago. The beautiful cliffs which the city stands on, are now filled with big steel factories. The monarchy was chased away a long time ago and to replace the power vacuum a parliament was born. Sadly enough, wealth and prosperity does not last forever as a mysterious disease has spread over the city cliffs. Chaos and a loth of death ensues.

You are playing a 35 year old doctor who was just visiting the city for a week with your 12 year old son. Now you are trapped in the city and tasked by the ruling coalition of the parliament to find a cure for the disease.

This won't come very easy as three members, each representing one political faction of the current parliament. Every one of them has a specific vision how the city as well as the country should be ruled. They have a lot of power over you as they control how many funds you will have at your disposal, but at the same time they know that you have a lot of power over them as well, as your decision which faction gets access to the cure first will decide the future of the city.

Beyond the endless political squabble you also need to keep track of your son and make sure he is safe and well. You know that he looks up to you and you really want to be a good role model for him. However, raising a son is kind of damn hard during a epidemic and bureaucratic nonsense.

The game mechanics are nothing really fancy. (because I don't have much knowledge about scripting) It is basically a system of managing some character relations and stats. I've played around with links and stats already.
I was kind of planning to make this 9 chapters with four official endings.

Let me know what you think!

This sounds really cool honestly. Authors here lean heavily to fantasy but as a reader I enjoy something a little more grounded now and then.

The addition of the son should allow for a lot of additional plot hooks, and of course don't miss the opportunity to imperil him for added tension when things are racheting up in the final acts. What else are kids in fiction for?

And I see you're new so welcome to the site! Let us know if you have any more questions or need help with the editor. Basic relationship tracking as you described is pretty simple though, basically once you know how to check a variable and have it change text/change the destination page that will cover 80% of scenarios most authors will ever need.

Haha thank you for welcoming me. 

Initially I was kind of worried about the advanced editor, but the thing mostly works pretty intuitively. I was actually pleasantly surprised. 

Yup, of course children are made to be cannon fodder. These fleshy body parts are not made without a reason. 

Wow, an idea thread where the idea is more than two lines? Wonderful!

Mizal already made a good post, so I'll try to keep this short (as I doubt you want me to try to nitpick an overview, lol).

Suffice to say, there aren't any issues that stick out to me. I will say that seeing chapters mentioned did fill me with apprehension, but as you followed that up with mention of four official endings, that worry evaporated.

Having finished the outlining is a good sign too, as the scope of this story could end up spiralling a bit.

The idea itself seems well thought out as well, with a good deal of elements to it. Will be interesting how you handle the choices and how long the pages are, but regardless, it should work out well. My advice is to try to write consistently, as that is one of the better ways to ensure works get finished.

When you finish writing a bit, feel free to share and you can get some feedback on that. There are some common mistakes that aren't too hard to fix (and are more just a knowledge thing).

Other than that, setting seems interesting, the protagonist being a doctor is a good way to tie them into the setting and be impactful, and having a son is a neat addition that can add some heart to the story.

I will say that consider doing research for any doctor based choices to try and keep them realistic (if that is the goal of course), as while I doubt there are many doctors here, research can help push up the quality of sections that'd otherwise be less thorough.

It is a balancing act tho, as you don't want researching to get in the way of writing/progress. Some people just don't consider it at all, so I like mentioning it.

Game mechanics not being fancy isn't a bad thing, as it is about the type of storygame you're making. Simple is good too, in that it is harder to mess up (or rather, complex mechanics can get in the way if not handled carefully)!

Anyway, while it is hard to judge what the quality of a storygame will be just based on the overview (even if it is a good overview), this does look promising regardless, so...get writing! (Not that you need my approval for that, aha).

Great advice! Haha, I had the same thoughts running through my head about the son idea. Yup, the interpersonal relation with him was supposed to serve as the emotional through line and I just love parent-child interaction. 

I was allready wondering whether it would be okay if I post a small section of the story for people scrutinize it a bit. I guess I will do that when a significant portion is finished!

English isn't exactly my first language, so I bet my dumb-grammar-mistake-filter will not be able to filter every single bullshit in the first run. 

Oh yeah, bout the research, I thought it would be more fitting to the setting  to limit the available medical knowledge to the 19th century. No antibiotics have been discovered for example. It's also a little bit convenient for me; 19th centruy england has achieved some great records regarding the amount of epidemics. 

Sounds good!

Some of the common mistakes are made by native speakers too! Stuff like Dialogue Punctuation is a common problem even for good writers.

I imagine it is just generally not covered well in school, so you either pick up on it by reading (but who pays attention to punctuation?) or learn it elsewhere. But if you don't have an editor, where else will you learn? Strangers on the internet will tell you, of course! Or, you know, you'll learn professionally.

Anyway, your writing looks solid from what I can see here, but seeking feedback for a smaller section is a good way to avoid having to change a lot in case you are making a certain mistake consistently (such as dialogue punctuation).

Longer sections are good for pointing out any issues with the broader strokes tho (like overall pacing, or an inconsistency that only happens after multiple pages).

Most other mistakes can generally be caught with proofreading, and perhaps speaking (or mouthing) the words.

I guess stuff like there/their, where/were, quiet/quite, etc, might not be, but as long as you pay attention for if someone does point such a mistake out, you can learn to avoid such mistakes in the future.

Oh, when proofreading, do be careful to read what is there, and not what you think is there.

I guess also google any words you're not 100% on, since I know certain things didn't actually mean what I thought they did (and sometimes I'd just like the sound of a word, lol).

Anyway, remember to write!

This sounds like it would be a real fucking blast and Im excited to see how it turns out.

This actually sounds pretty original and interesting, there's not a lot of political intrigue games and I look forward to reading it!

> The story is set in the capitol of a fictional country

My sole contribution here is to suggest you nail down the difference between "capital" and "capitol."

* vehemently pressing CRTL-F in my words document for any trace of the word capitol.*

I think that I’m interested in seeing what you can possibly do with this idea that you have.

I like your idea for a story game.  I think it would be a lot of fun to figure out how to best balance family, race for a cure, and leveling up with power/influence over a city.  I can't help but think of the practical implications, too, for the reader running through personal thought experiments that parallel the story game.  Career, purpose, personal relationships... the eternal drama, right?