Haha thank you for welcoming me.
Initially I was kind of worried about the advanced editor, but the thing mostly works pretty intuitively. I was actually pleasantly surprised.
Yup, of course children are made to be cannon fodder. These fleshy body parts are not made without a reason.
Great advice! Haha, I had the same thoughts running through my head about the son idea. Yup, the interpersonal relation with him was supposed to serve as the emotional through line and I just love parent-child interaction.
I was allready wondering whether it would be okay if I post a small section of the story for people scrutinize it a bit. I guess I will do that when a significant portion is finished!
English isn't exactly my first language, so I bet my dumb-grammar-mistake-filter will not be able to filter every single bullshit in the first run.
Oh yeah, bout the research, I thought it would be more fitting to the setting to limit the available medical knowledge to the 19th century. No antibiotics have been discovered for example. It's also a little bit convenient for me; 19th centruy england has achieved some great records regarding the amount of epidemics.
Some of the common mistakes are made by native speakers too! Stuff like Dialogue Punctuation is a common problem even for good writers.
I imagine it is just generally not covered well in school, so you either pick up on it by reading (but who pays attention to punctuation?) or learn it elsewhere. But if you don't have an editor, where else will you learn? Strangers on the internet will tell you, of course! Or, you know, you'll learn professionally.
Anyway, your writing looks solid from what I can see here, but seeking feedback for a smaller section is a good way to avoid having to change a lot in case you are making a certain mistake consistently (such as dialogue punctuation).
Longer sections are good for pointing out any issues with the broader strokes tho (like overall pacing, or an inconsistency that only happens after multiple pages).
Most other mistakes can generally be caught with proofreading, and perhaps speaking (or mouthing) the words.
I guess stuff like there/their, where/were, quiet/quite, etc, might not be, but as long as you pay attention for if someone does point such a mistake out, you can learn to avoid such mistakes in the future.
Oh, when proofreading, do be careful to read what is there, and not what you think is there.
I guess also google any words you're not 100% on, since I know certain things didn't actually mean what I thought they did (and sometimes I'd just like the sound of a word, lol).
Anyway, remember to write!
This sounds like it would be a real fucking blast and Im excited to see how it turns out.
This actually sounds pretty original and interesting, there's not a lot of political intrigue games and I look forward to reading it!
> The story is set in the capitol of a fictional country
My sole contribution here is to suggest you nail down the difference between "capital" and "capitol."
* vehemently pressing CRTL-F in my words document for any trace of the word capitol.*
I think that I’m interested in seeing what you can possibly do with this idea that you have.
I like your idea for a story game. I think it would be a lot of fun to figure out how to best balance family, race for a cure, and leveling up with power/influence over a city. I can't help but think of the practical implications, too, for the reader running through personal thought experiments that parallel the story game. Career, purpose, personal relationships... the eternal drama, right?