No Mans Land

Player Rating2.92/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 54 ratings since 04/27/2016
played 237 times (finished 66)

Story Difficulty4/8

"march in the swamp"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.

A story where you look through the eyes of a Canadian soldier in the trenches of WWI. This is the first of my stories I hope you enjoy i appreciate any feed back you are willing to give to help me write better. 

Player Comments

It wasn't that bad of a story, but it was extremely difficult to make sense of it because of the poor grammar. Adding paragraphs would be nice, as it was difficult when almost everything was in one, humongous paragraph. Learning to use punctuation correctly would be helpful because it was hard to understand who was talking, especially since you occasionally added quotation marks before the character had even finished speaking. There were a lot of spelling errors, so using spellcheck would be a good idea. Your writing was okay - I think there could've been more detail in some scenes, but it was just . . . okay. As for the choices, it was discouraging how only one was correct, as letting the character go down different paths would be more interesting. It was hard to predict which one would help the character survive, as all of them seemed logical.

Overall, it was okay - I don't think it was the best war game I've ever played, but it wasn't the worst. I think the biggest issue would be the grammar and perhaps the choices/adding more paths. Also, as Kiel_Farren mentioned, commenting on your own game is a bit embarrassing, as people will quickly realize that it's you. I don't think you'll be able to fool many people.
-- SummerSparrow on 5/1/2016 10:07:49 PM
It certainly has potential but the many spelling mistakes and the sometimes badly constructed sentences make it really hard to enjoy the story. I think a proofreader would do your stories a lot of good.
-- gerrrit on 5/19/2016 5:53:38 PM
You have potential for good story telling, but no at letting people make their choices. It was pretty short, undecriptive, and flavorless. 1/8
-- RedofPalletTown on 5/6/2016 6:03:18 PM
I'm all for WW1 and WW2 stories, but this one is just... need much more improvements. Grammar and writing. Just like everyone said.
-- Raven47 on 5/3/2016 8:12:46 PM
Grammar needs work. (missing commas)
Overall good, though.
-- mattstat716 on 4/28/2016 11:20:55 AM
At least one of the links was broken and this could've used a bit of proofreading, but all-in-all it wasn't a bad first attempt. I hope you spend more time on the next one, though, because there is real potential here.
-- TheNewIAP on 4/28/2016 10:57:17 AM
I did like how there was more than one ending, but even if it was correct, the grammar felt off, and I felt like the choices were 50/50 with no way to actually predict what would happen. Don't be discouraged by my comment though. This has lots of potential, and I hope you keep writing in the future
-- ScrubLord on 4/28/2016 12:54:21 AM
3/8. Would've been 4/8, as it was decent, but don't praise yourself in your comments. It's tacky at best, and obnoxious or even kind of embarrassing for the rest of us to watch at worst. People are more forgiving with great talent, though. Keep writing and maybe you'll be able to afford that level of cockiness some day.
-- Kiel_Farren on 4/28/2016 12:27:03 AM
Well written, realistic war experience :)
-- Will11 on 4/28/2016 12:14:05 AM
awesome bro
-- Rathalon1213 on 4/26/2016 8:56:01 PM
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