The Apprentice King

Player Rating5.80/8

"#107 overall, #4 for 2013"
based on 207 ratings since 12/13/2016
played 1,506 times (finished 90)

Story Difficulty6/8

"wandering through the desert"

Play Length4/8

"A well spent lunch break"

Maturity Level7/8

"anything goes"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 18. If this were a movie, it would probably be R.

The land of Mystigar is in trouble!

The king has died and corrupt nobles scheme to marry the young heir, Princess Marmalade, against her will and seize the throne.

You play the part of the nubile young baker's apprentice, destined for greatness. A simple trip to the fair leads you down a path fraught with danger and excitement. Armed only with your wits, and a magic harp you must survive deadly encounters with unicorns, wizards, hobos, and centaur-prostitutes, while the evil Marques dogs your every move.

Do you have what it takes to save Mystigar and, more importantly, sleep with the princess?


Uncover all twelve endings to solve the Legendary Riddle: "What did the baker's boy give the Princess on their wedding night?"


Player Comments

Well this storygame is something you might expect from an author named “eggFART”. Not surprisingly, the first masturbation joke takes place in the first paragraph of the first act and couple pages later you find the second. It’s simply delightful. The storygame plays upon typical medieval themes such as rescuing/marrying a princess, defeating the villainous character who tries to sex up said princess, and competing in a series of fixed games to win the princess’ hand in marriage... ironically held during a fair.

The first thing addressed must be the humor. It’s full of light-hearted one liners. The jokes sort of catch you unaware and the suddenness of the humor only adds to it. It’s like any sentence could be the build-up to another joke. It’s an effective style and always keeps you interested for when the next joke arrives.

The grammar and writing quality aren’t horrible. They aren’t the best either. There are a few mistakes, but nothing too distracting. The silliness of the whole story covers up for most of the grammar problems. I wouldn’t put it past the author to include the mistakes on purpose. If a mistake is done on purpose, is it still a mistake? The answer is yes you participation trophy losers.

The entire thing gives off a Robin Hood: Men in Tights feel. The villain is more quirky than evil. The main character, or hero of the story, is gullible and easily duped. The princess and the rest of the townsfolk seem rather dumb. There is a ton of suggestive humor from the milkmaid’s jugs to imagining the milkmaid as you’re milking her cows... ok there’s a lot of jokes about the milkmaid LOL.

The entire storygame is filled with ridiculous things happening to ridiculous characters. When you stumble across a centaur farmer who offers his daughter’s hand in marriage in exchange for chores, you feel as if it fits the story perfectly. This was a very fun, silly, enjoyable read, although it’s pretty clear the author took a bite from the forest mushroom before writing. It's like a children's fairy tale meets Harold and Kumar. I highly recommend.
-- ninjapitka on 4/22/2019 2:25:33 PM with a score of 0
This story was quite entertaining to read, and it never felt dull or like it dragged on. I liked that there were a decent amount of choices to choose, and each path provided interesting outcomes for the reader. The humor in this genuinely made me laugh a few times as it was just so silly, but written so well, too.

This is definitely a storygame that I wouldn't mind coming back to enjoy again in the future. :D
-- TharaApples on 12/17/2016 12:13:30 PM with a score of 0
This tale is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. The humor is excellent, the descriptions are perfect, and there are no errors to speak of. It's hard to pull off a story where both the finger-puppets thing and the udder-tickling trope can work, but you've done it. Marvelous job; a personal favorite.
-- Sszinid on 12/6/2013 1:15:12 AM with a score of 0
Fairly good. Died to a mushroom. Isn't that the best way to go out? :P
-- Maiq_The_Liar on 2/12/2019 2:05:28 PM with a score of 0
-- NuaAun on 9/2/2017 6:16:03 AM with a score of 0
Spoiler Alert: The answer to your riddle is...HIS DOUGHNUTS. It was a lovely tale, loved every bit of it. Only downside is I died when I tried to tickle the cow's udders. Oh and also never seeing the milkman's daughter, only a goat named Bessa.
-- Zdudezy on 5/12/2017 1:44:14 PM with a score of 0
Short and sweet with some good choices and very fun moments. The story is interlaced on all levels with humor, some jokes needing multiple play throughs to fully appreciate. A solid effort with several satisfying ends. It feels rushed at times and certain elements are mentioned but superfluous to the story and never really implemented or explored. Despite that one observation this is a sweet and light adventure with some good twists.
-- kyo787 on 4/11/2017 5:24:33 PM with a score of 0
What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Read.....
Seriously, I'm kinda confused what to say so I present you 10 Text passages worth Mentioning:

-"I have a final gift for you," the cloaked woman says. She spreads her legs wide and squats down. An egg falls heavily to the floor. "This egg contains the last of my power. Cracking it shall grant you immense strength." Bloody afterbirth trickles down her leg.

-Power surges through your limbs. Your manhood swells to thrice its size and curly black hair sprouts from your chest and back.


-The unicorn disappears. From that day on you get the uncomfortable feeling he's watching you whenever you go to the bathroom.

-"Tickle my udders, human!"

-You can see the old woman's true form now. She is a benevolent demon with blue skin and four arms. "Come feed, my children," she beckons, opening her robe and revealing a dozen swollen teats. You nestle in beside Gerald and fill yourself with mother's love.

-You kiss her turgid lips, her smooth scalp, the dark place beneath her flippers. Eels slither down your throat as you give her the most sensual kiss of all. If you still had a gag reflex, you might have been saved. Instead, the eels fill your lungs and you slip into darkness.

-You hurl his dead body into the gutter where the rats and the hobos can take turns defiling it.

-You rise and fill the basin on your nightstand and wash the urine from your hair. What a night! A Princess for your first time, where do you go from here?

-"Would you still love me if I was fat? Would you love me if I went bald? Would you love me if I was in a wheelchair? Would you still love me if all of my skin fell off and my bones had chickenpox..."

I recommend this story. It's funny as hell.

-- lejama88 on 2/2/2017 9:34:41 AM with a score of 0
All hail the Awesome Lord of Sauce! Slayer of bakers and bedder of princesses!

(Que disney fairy music)
-- AwesomeSaucy on 5/6/2016 1:37:13 AM with a score of 0
A bit weird but it was a fun.
-- ems5a33 on 2/29/2016 8:47:23 AM with a score of 0
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