The Wild Adventurers
"Too few ratings to be ranked"
played 278 times (finished 48)
"walk in the park"
"A well spent lunch break"
"appropriate for all ages"
Stories with this maturity level will not, by design, have any potentially objectionable content. An example of a type story with this rating would be a quiz on mathematics.
This is an adventure story for my campers.
It's got good grammar and a decent amount of effort put into it, and the language used is efficient enough that I could definitely imagine a bunch of kids on a camping trip actually paying attention to it. However, this isn't a story without issues, and I think it could be improved a bit. Firstly, don't do 'left vs. right' choices with little input as to where either path will end up. It's lazy, it doesn't really engage anyone, and you've clearly put thought into the jokes on either end of the choices, so you could just as easily clue us in vaguely to what results we'd be headed toward.
Although, the results are where the other biggest issue lies. More than half of the choices lead to a dead end, and more often than not we're forced to take the goofiest option. I've been a boy scout before, so I know silliness is the greatest hallmark for stories to tell campers, (That, and Indiana Jones and/or Star Wars references, but this story does well enough without any blatant ones.) but if you wanted it to be a true CYOA, I'd suggest preparing multiple choices that seem stupid, with a tongue-in-cheek twist for each one, and branching off from there. I feel like the only choice I made was on the character select screen, and that's no bueno for a storygame. Like I said, silliness or really cheesy horror is the hallmark of any memorable camping story, and if you're going for the first, feel free to go wild with it. Stuff that would have ended your adventure in this game should instead continue it. How does Sam deal with going on an adventure when his coat is too heavy to walk around? If Eric burns his map, what kind of misadventures could he get up to on the alternae route? If Tracy's tail gets stuck to a pirate ship, what kind of places would it take her before she got free? These ideas are fun, and it's not like you have to build up a great deal of internal logic for a story like this. If you're going to tell a CYOA to multiple people, let alone a bunch of kids, a story that's 90% death pages or something to similar effect is never a good thing.
on 9/2/2018 4:57:08 AM
Not a fan of "turn right or turn left" options that end in death that give no indication whatsoever of why you would pick one over the other. Honestly when that happened I pretty much lost interest.
on 9/24/2018 8:29:08 PM
It is short and without real depth. What do you think about keeping your focus on one of the three characters? That guy can even live through all those three adventures! Yeah.
Bonus: Your Eric route has a bug at the end. I die, but there is still a branch to ride the hippo. On the other side - maybe it is just a cool feature.
on 8/13/2018 3:30:04 PM
How to get killed in the jungle 101
on 8/9/2018 12:55:44 PM
This is actually really cute and I especially like the part where it gives almost certainly deadly advice to children. That's right little boy, you climb right on that hippo's back and get a fun surprise! ^_^
on 8/8/2018 5:42:19 PM
This a pretty gold children's story. There's not much that's actually bad with it, just it seemed to need a bit more expansion. If you made it a really cool adventure, with items and variables, it would be even better.
on 8/6/2018 1:00:47 AM
i felt like i was railroaded out of making sensible choices on this one! It was kinda funny though
on 8/1/2018 4:45:58 PM
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