zExpedition Aquarius

Player Rating4.40/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 12 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty1/8

"no possible way to lose"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level5/8

"aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating"
Some material may be inappropriate for persons under age 13. If this were a movie, it would probably be PG-13.
For centuries, man has scoured the stars, desperate to find its likeness. Thus far all was for naught; empty husks and barren rocks worked hard to crush his dreams. There was just one anomaly, one beacon amid the darkness. This is its story. This is the story of man's first foray to the stars.

An entry to Mizal's Tiny 'topias Jam. Where a lot more little bite-sized stories are -and will be- shared by other authors.

And for those that don't have the extension, and thus can't click on the storygame to open it, here's a tiny backdoor left open. Feel free to make use of it, and even leave a comment if you like.

Expedition Aquarius

Player Comments

I enjoyed the story even though I didn't fully understand what was happening. I was still drawn to the next page until I got to a few of the ends. Good story.
-- DerPrussen on 9/23/2020 2:13:28 PM with a score of 0
Nice, very cool.

I think I have a couple of theories, although I am not entirely sure what is going on.

Are you planning on expanding this at any point?
-- corgi213 on 5/3/2020 11:05:13 AM with a score of 0
This story isn't incomprehensible because it's essentially a novel's worth of mythology condensed into a 2000-word synopsis, but because the writing is extremely overwrought. Every single sentence is an overworked epic of misplaced modifiers, making this story read like an entry for the Bulwer Lytton Contest.

Take this sentence:

"Sergeants Cain and Abel took their decisive steps under an enormous arch that rose out of the water like two giant arms stretching out to their dying star."

In addition to the Biblical reference, which doesn't seem to go anywhere, the only noun in this line that isn't modified with a descriptor of some kind is "water"... and I can now imagine the author wishing he had inserted another adjective here, like maybe "the turgid water."

Each of these sentences is so precious, so overloaded with presumed meaning, that they collapse under their own weight. It is difficult to see the difference between the writing here and this actual 2019 Grand Prize Winner of the Bulwer Lytton Contest:

"Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago." (See for yourself at https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2019.)

Basically, what I'm saying is that this story doesn't fail because it doesn't explain enough. I'm suggesting it fails because of an over-reliance on words that say nothing at all.
-- Bill_Ingersoll on 4/30/2020 9:14:30 PM with a score of 0
I didn't understand fuck. Still very well written, It has aliens.
-- poison_mara on 4/29/2020 8:07:30 PM with a score of 0
I think I basically said everything I had to say in the Tiny 'Topia thread, but I'd like to challenge any readers to figure out just what the heck is going on here without resorting to the cheat sheet Enter posted there.

While this was kinda bewildering, I'll just say that the writing and premise grabbed my attention hard enough to have me reading and rereading it just trying to figure it all out the night it was written. I wouldn't give so much attention to something that wasn't good.
-- mizal on 4/29/2020 8:02:44 PM with a score of 0
Confusing, but compelling. It's well-written but multiple POVs and a complicated plot and world make it hard to follow in places.

Also, the first choice of the game leads to a game end in one path which is a bit frustrating.

I do like that the titles add flavor and perspective to the story.
-- Camelon on 4/27/2020 3:31:35 PM with a score of 0
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