Wherein you will learn how to stretch your comfort zone and defeat the demons lurking on the other side. Oh, and learn the basics of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Assertiveness Training.

Special thanks to: EnterChaos, Mika Verner, donteatpoop, 3iguy, WouldntItBeNice, and, especially, My Wife for beta-reading and notes.

I'm on it. Gimme a couple of days...

Would be fun to have a "Finish the Story You've Been Working On Contest"... or a "Rewrite Your Story Contest" where there's an award for best story and an award for most improved.

Just in case some of you are too young to have caught this gem (sound starts after the 8th second):

More-Cowbell from pepe conde on Vimeo.

Thanks for the thoughtful replies. I didn’t realize that detailed metaphors were so prevalent throughout epic poetry. I agree with the unanimous sentiment that the long ones are too cumbersome to use in a storygame (although, I still want to sneak one in somewhere for shits and giggles).

I’ve been mostly mixing in “Kerouac’s” metaphorical substitutions and “Virgil’s” anthropomorphizing to make my prose just a tinge more purply… using it about once or twice per page.

Here’s some snippets:

“Their anxiety is palpable, breathable; infusing your lungs with nervous jitters.”

“For now, you can only wait, wishing the churning in your stomach would flee to some dark corner so you could revel in peace once more.”

“The angry wind turns colder, biting your face.”

And finally, in context:

“Upon cresting the final ridge, the full forest come suddenly into view. You shudder. Even from this distance, the once lush trees seem sickly with decay, dark and foreboding. Relentlessly, this forest has barred you from your kin.

As though cutting through a veil, you cast these shades aside, remembering your quest. I must move forward. I must make progress towards my parents. I must become the Berserker.”

As the man's second, perhaps I can provide some insight: So far, his story is very similar to the Lone Wolf series/The Lost Realm/Silver Horn, which is to say, short branches that either lead to death or back to the main story... He does; however, have some built-in options for longer branches (which I hope he will add in the next edition).

I've been reading a lot of fiction recently to help me develop a more robust and poetic writing style (most recently, Kerouac’s On the Road and Virgil's Aeneid), and I’d thought I’d give a report of my findings as they have both influenced my style.

What struck me most about both Kerouac and Virgil is their heavy use of metaphor, and, also, their unique style with metaphors.

Kerouac uses metaphor just about all the time. Almost every sentence has "metaphorical substitution", which is to say, he doesn’t even mention the real object, he just refers to it by a metaphor (i.e. He calls the "sun" a "cauldron" right off).

Virgil uses metaphor more sparingly, but still at least once per page. He has three styles that stuck out to me: 1. He draws metaphors to personified/anthropomorphized nature (examples of all below), 2. He writes unusually long, detailed metaphors.  3. He uses metaphors to sneak in background/advance the narrative.

Here’s my own example of each:

Original Sentence: The blazing sun beat down on us as we marched on.

Kerouac (metaphorical substitution): The celestial cauldron boiled, overflowing, as we marched on.

Virgil (personification) The angry sun lashed us with her rays, reminding all who was queen, as we marched on.

Virgil (unusually detailed metaphor): Picture a blacksmith slaving before his furnace, sweat dripping from his brow, his face burning like the metal he plies, and still he must beat and batter and bend to his task, so too we marched on under the blazing sun.

Virgil (detailed metaphor, narrative device) Picture Vulcan crafting the very shield which you now carry, toiling hot before his furnace so many years ago, making it impenetrable to all mortal weapon, deflecting both point and blade, so too you marched on under the blazing sun.

Great writing. I like how you accurately track (and show) the fluctuating emotions in both characters. Really nice. Congrats on being able to finish the contest and good luck in it!

Congrats! Happy to proofread/give you notes if you need them. Impressive that you were able to write so much. Good luck in the contest!

My pleasure and any time. Good luck in the contest!

Just finished it and sent you notes. You are close! Just slap on an epic final battle, enter the contest, and then re-write/finish the sucker for real later. Great job!