Sneak Out

Not bad for a first game, but it could use a bit more story. Here are some ideas: Perhaps you want the reader to identify more with the protagonist. There is a simple trick: Start by showing the protagonist doing something well. Also how about some character development. You have a little bit of this already: in the beginning the protagonist comes across as a bit shy while Chester is the cool kid. In the end the roles are almost reversed. But the transition needs more polishing, try bringing it to a point. Often its good to create circumstances where the protagonist must change and then makes an active decision to turn their life around.

Severely lacking in detail. You could do with describing things more, rather than just stating what happened. It would also help make some lines in the story make more sense, for example 'Damn. Natasha is rich!'. Prior to this line, nothing in the story has indicated this. It's not mentioned in any dialogue, there's no actual description of the house and besides, why you would mention this if doesn't impact the story? What changes if somebody who isn't rich, were to host this party?

'You hear the music blaring through the windows. You enter the house!' Why the exclamation mark? If you wanted to show the player character is excited, you could write something like 'You jump up the steps leading to Natasha's house and rap your fist against the door.'.

What does this mean? 'He has Ellie-Masie Rosenthal next to him.
You're a bit jealous.

She's pretty well built.' Is Chester in muscly girls? Does it mean she's curvy? I don't understand.

SPAG seems fine, though as I've mentioned the punctuation usage is a bit strange.

Beyond all this, not much happens in the story. You don't really get to do anything other than sneak out, attend the party and then go home. Not very fun.

This storygame is a really good first attempt! What I would reccomend would be more description on each page of what's really happening. For example, what it smells like, what you can hear, yadayada. Sensory details go a long way!

This is certainly a storygame that exists. Not a bad first effort, but to quote the only likeable character and the only character with character, Chester, this is why you're a virgin.
3/8.

So lame! You walk out the front door like a normal guy? lose. Get a ride from a nice guy after you tell him exactly where you're going? Surprise it's a pedophile. Dead. Cocaine? Dead. What a stiff. As quoted by my main man Chester, "This is why ur a virgin."