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Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
Post Brexit prompts here. @Will11 mizal told me to tag you to this thread.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
Commended by mizal on 6/10/2019 6:30:09 AM
Here’s my Brexit story. Thanks Digit and Mizal. It’s your fault I wrote this piece of shit.

30 years had passed since that fateful day, the day when Theresa May finally got her way. Britain had followed through with Brexit, and subsequently left the EU. Everything had been fine at first, but then things went wrong. Theresa May had replaced all money with her new “Brexit Bucks” which also functioned as toilet paper. This led to an economy collapse as all previous forms of currency became useless. Everybody was poverty stricken, forced out of their homes and into slums. People began to collect and mass together in “factions.” These factions were their own independent groups, with governments and laws. There was constant fighting between factions, and the now bankrupt British government couldn’t do shit to prevent it. Now that’s where I come in. My name is Detective Christopher Duncan, and it is my sworn duty to protect the citizens of Britain, no matter the cost. I have rushed into the middle of faction wars, gunned down groups of attackers, and even broken into a bank, all so that I could save the lives of innocents.

Recently, there had been news about the Crumpet faction. Apparently, they had been running an underground tea ring, producing and selling caffeine boosted tea bags for desperate citizens. This was big news. Tea had become extremely valuable ever since Brexit, and vendors now needed a governmental permit to sell even low caffeine tea bags. The Crumpet faction was selling tea bags with extremely high levels of caffeine, which was illegal altogether. If a person consumed too much post-Brexit caffeine, they would go into an energy overload and begin to spew propaganda about how Britain shouldn’t have left the EU. This is seen as treason, and is a class A offense. So in order to stop people from being executed for treason, I had to eliminate that tea ring. The first thing I did was find my informant: Harry.

I walked up to him and asked, “So Harry, have any information about the Crumpet faction’s tea racket?”

He visibly jumped, holding his finger up to his mouth and shushing me loudly. “Shut your mouth, you bastard!” he whispered, “You know this is too sensitive to discuss out here.” He motioned at me to follow, and walked inside of a nearby building.

The inside of the building was burnt and empty, destroyed by looters over two decades earlier. Harry leaned up against a nearby wall, and I repeated my question. He looked around for a few seconds before responding. “Alright. So I’ve heard some things. Apparently the Crumpets have had this racket going for a few years now, and are just now getting some notoriety about it. Being who they are, the Crumpets have been mighty secretive about where they operate the ring, changing locations every couple of days or so. Lucky for you, I happen to know where they will be tonight.”

I nodded my head eagerly. “Go on.”

Harry nodded back and continued speaking. “You know that old sewer system from the 1980s? It’s not there,” Harry laughed, “The racket is actually taking place in the Whiskeymen Bar later tonight. I don’t know your plan, but I would be careful. They will have the place heavily guarded and packed with people. Good luck Chris. You’re gonna need it.”

I thanked him and walked out of the burnt building. I hailed a street taxi and got a ride back to my home, where I prepared for my outing tonight. I grabbed a flashlight, duster, fedora, and of course my trusty revolver. After getting ready, I got onto my motorbike and drove over to the Whiskymen Bar. As I arrived outside, it was already clear that something was going on inside. People crowded around the entrance and shouting rang out from inside. I heard a gunshot, and a scream. I pulled out my gun and rushed the entrance. People jumped out of my way and I leapt through the door.

As I ran inside, a thug stood up from a table. “Shit! It’s Detective Duncan. Shoot him!” the thug yelled. As that command rang out, I dove behind a counter and bullets whizzed over my head. I bent around the side of the counter and aimed my gun at a thug. I fired once and blood burst out from his forehead. I continued to fire back until I ran out of ammunition. Unfortunately for me, there were still a few thugs left, and they were still shooting. I bent down and picked up a small rock. I threw it at one thug, confusing the other two for a second. I leapt forward and pistol whipped one thug while kicking down the other. The third thug I slid under and slammed my gun into his crotch, incapacitating him. I stood up, brushed myself off, and looked around at the now destroyed bar.

Disturbing my moment of zen, a yell from behind caused me to spin around. I came face to face with Leonard, the leader of the Crumpet faction. “Hand over the tea,” I said, holding out my hand.

Leonard sneered at me. “As if I would ever cooperate with you, Duncan. You don’t know what you’re messing with.” He reached behind him and grabbed a knife off of a table.

“A fight it is then,” I quipped. Leonard ran at me, and I dodged his stab. I grabbed onto his arm and pulled down fiercely, throwing Leonard to the ground. I picked up his knife and stabbed it into his back. Smiling, I wiped my hands off on my jacket and walked into the next room. As I entered, I was faced with a glorious sight, piles upon piles of caffeine boosted tea. I would be getting a promotion for sure. I picked up my walkie talkie and messaged the other detectives, letting them know that more assistance would be necessary.

A large grin broke on on my face. Even with Brexit standing in my way, I still had succeeded in hunting my prey.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
This definitely was so bad it looped around to good. Congratulations.

I enjoyed how ridiculous this got, NOT doing any research really helped you this time unlike with the Bambi story. And you really took the tea idea and ran with it.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
Thank you. I pride myself in its awfulness.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
Chris liked your bar fight but was too shy to say so. He said it was "amazingly awful, and awfully amazing."

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago


Apologies for the lateness.

It was a dark and stormy night, the night sky covered by damp cloud cover, broken only by the occasional flash of lightning. Gabe was on his way home from a long day of working in the mines. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to simply fall into a dark, dreamless sleep on his mat on the floor of his apartment. But he was still cautious, peering around and occasionally touching the handle of his knife for reassurance. Faces leered at him from the shadows, looking for a quick way to make some money. Not that anybody had any these days. Luckily, he was tall, standing at 6’9” with broad shoulders and big, calloused hands from years of working in the mines.


It wasn’t always like this. He could still vaguely remember a time when he had enough to eat, and the streets were safe to walk on at night. He and his parents would go for long walks in the moonlight, until far past his bedtime. But it all changed in an instant. A new currency, dubbed the Brexit Buck, was introduced. And everything went to hell after that. Gabe remembered cold, hard nights on the streets and a never-ending feeling of hunger that could never be stated, not even on those few nights when his parents scraped together enough money to get a half-decent meal, including an entire loaf of bread and two cans of soup.


Gabe shuddered, and pulled the ragged remains of a coat around his broad shoulders. Light spilled out of the bars still open at this hour, as well as drunkards and others that sought to find solace within the depths of a tankard. He could hear drunken cheering, singing, and cries for help as the ones that preyed upon these people reached their intended goal. Most of these people had no money, and were drinking still only because they were selling their children and wives, or the bartender took pity on them.


He walked past another bar, which was teeming with gang members and shady people. A gunshot rang out, and someone screamed. Another person ran inside, wearing a brown duster and going quickly. Gabe frowned.


If he was a detective, getting his fix would be even harder. After all, highly caffeinated tea had been outlawed ages ago, long before he was born. He was taught in school that it was outlawed because it was highly addictive, and that it caused many cancers and illnesses that two times out of seven were fatal. The only reason Gabe was still working in the mines, even with his lack of sleep, was tea. But somehow, he still hadn't died yet. Some said it was from his strong metabolism. Others said he was just simply lucky. He didn't really know which one it was, but he was thankful he wasn't dead quite yet.


He shrugged. One detective probably wouldn't be very much of a match for the syndicate henchmen. Normally, there were around four or five to keep customers from not paying up. He strode inside, hands in his pockets. The syndicate thugs and the man in the duster were facing off. A thug yelled something incoherent, and then all hell broke loose. A storm of bullets whipped around, along with pebbles and fists and kicks. The detective was a whirlwind of destruction, taking out three of them within the span of five seconds.


Gabe stood frozen near the door. He had never seen anyone try to defy the syndicate before, and win. The syndicate took what it wanted and crushed those that stood in its way. And then it was over. The detective stood there, breathing hard. He then perked up, and walked into one of the back rooms. Gabe followed, trying to step as quietly as possible. They went into the backroom, where the henchmen normally took the people that didn't pay to be beaten. Gabe quickly hid behind barrel. The detective pulled some sort of device out of his coat and said something into it. A creepy smile spread across the detective's face. He opened one of the barrels, and peered inside. Gabe's eyes widened.


Stacks and stacks of tea lay there, hundreds or maybe even thousands of tea bags, more than he ever knew existed. Could he sneak around and take as many as he could carry? He had seen what the detective had done to the henchmen. It was risky, that was for sure. But it sure could be rewarding.


Sighing in resignation, he slowly pried open the barrel in front of him. There was a small creak as the lid of the barrel finally gave. Gabe froze. The detective hadn't heard it. Gabe breathed a small sigh of relief, and scooped up several handfuls of tea. The detective still hadn't moved from his position, and was still talking into his device. Gabe slowly scooted over to the door. The door had been left open, and Gabe dashed through. He immediately started to run. The detective by now had heard him, and would be coming after him. Gabe dashed through all of the alleys and shortcuts he knew, not stopping to catch his breath nor slowing down for fear of getting caught.


He finally arrived at his apartment, and collapsed on his mat. He now probably had enough tea for a year, before he needed to get more. Then he heard a knock on the door. "Mr. Itch?"


Gabe got up and walked to the door. "Wh-Who i-is it," he stammered, trying to keep the fear out of his voice but failing miserably. There was no reply. Gabe slowly opened the door. A fist slammed into his gut, followed by a knee to the face.


"Enjoy jail, thieving scum." The detective's face was leaning over his. That was the last thing Gabe saw before he blacked out.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
Between this and C6's story I love how 'detectives' have evolved so much after the collapse of society. Their job is like 90% brawling and shooting thugs in bars at this point apparently.

Could've used a bit more focus on the Brexit prompt, but otherwise this was a surprisingly well written story to come from such a generally useless person. You have been released from furry hell until you inevitably get thrown in for inactivity again, congrats.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago
The”detectives” are just more like vigilantes. It’s super over the top and I love it.

Brexit Prompt

4 years ago


Theresa May started it all. She was the one to cause the downfall of what was once a great country. The vote that changed everything happened on Thursday 23, 2016. Thirty million people voted, and the winning vote was to leave the European Union with only 51.9%. To think it all would have been different if six hundred thousand people voted to stay…


The year is 2056 and what was once a good country is now rubble and full of monsters. The rest of the world is still chugging along seeming to have forgotten about us. You shake your head as you walk down the alley following a lone dark figure. The sound of light rain is pattering against the brick building that are close enough together that you slide your hands along the walls as you walk. The light is fading causing you to shorten the distance between you and the dark thug. With only a couple of feet left, the man turns suddenly slashing at you with a knife. Without thinking you grab his wrist and tug throwing him to the ground in front of you. As soon as the man hits the ground you press your knee against his neck. The man sputters something under the pressure and you lighten up a little to listen.

“How did you find me…”

You ignore him as you hand cuff his wrist together and tuck the man’s knife into a bag.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.”

“You little son of a…ackshsf…” You press down on his windpipe again as you get up and jerk him to his feet.

Once the man regains his footing you toss him against the wall. A deep thud echoes down the alley as the hooded man snaps his head against the dirty bricks.

“I am Detective Logan; I know you are a messenger between the gangs. I also know that you are heading to a meeting now. What are the gangs trying to do together,” You sternly ask while drawing your pistol and pointing it at his knee.

“Stick it, Detective,” The man hisses at you.

Without blinking you pull the trigger and a thunderous boom sounds. Your gun jumps back as a bullet races towards the man’s knee. A second goes by before the man reacts to his kneecap exploding and the sound of his screams as he falls to his side.

“My leg…You shot my freaking leg,” The man yells while grabbing his knee.

“Now I will ask again and if you do not answer my question then I will shoot the other one. After that I will shoot your elbows and if you hide your arms then I will simply shoot your crotch…Understand.”

The man turns white and shakes his head while whimpering.

“What are the gangs trying to do. Why are they meeting tonight?”

“They are meeting to form the largest gang in the country. Instead of destroying each other they are going to try and come together and dominate every other little gang that emerges.”

“Where and when are they meeting tonight?”

The man pauses to take a breath. Then cracks a little smile.

“At the end of the alley, it opens up into a courtyard and it was at midnight.”

Your eyes widen a little as you tape the side of your watch. It lit up a light blue and it showed five passed midnight.

“Oh fuc…”You begin to say when two loud pops sound from the end of the alley. The hooded man jerks to the right as a bullet enters his skull. Another one splinters the bricks an inch near your head. You jump behind the man using him as a personal shield. You feel a couple impacts on the body. A moment of silence and you hear mumbling and then some footsteps.

You take a couple breaths and then snap up and fire three rounds. Before you duck back down you see one hit and take a man down. The other two only hit the walls. More impacts hit the dead man. You hear footsteps again and snap up. Right as you rise up you realize the footsteps were just a ploy. Several men had their guns sighted on you and you see several flashes of light. You don’t hear the guns firing but instead you feel sharp pains all over your chest and arms. Your arm drops to your side as you hang your head and look down. Blood is pooling around several holes in your chest and slowly you watch as blood drips on your badge hanging from your belt.

The last thing you hear is footsteps and you feel cold steel press against your head.

“Unbelievable, this is the seventh detective we have killed this month.” A dark burly figure speaks as he tucks his pistol back into his waistline.

“I know, I know, they just keep coming like rats from the sewers.” Spoke a man built like a scarecrow.

“So what do you say, we finally join together. Then we can take down every gang that thinks they can poke their head in our business.”

“Yeah I think it’s time we did this, as long as we start with the cops and their hounds.”