'ello. ^-^ Welcome.
Tips? Well, focus on details, dialog, and sentence structure.
It turns a simple scene with nothing special about it, and some rather repetitive parts like this:
Kell runs to his mom and asks her over and over again to give him the small present she held. Mother laughs and chides him while setting it on the table. He reaches out for it, saying "Pees!" instead of 'please', but he cannot quite reach it. She corrects him. He looks at his mother, and grunts, expecting her to move it closer. She does so while smiling.
Once it was in reach, he grabs it and starts tearing at the paper. She scolds him jokingly and tells him to slow down or he would risk breaking it. He complies, and even though he could see the figure, it was strange to him. He asks Mother what it is, and she tells him that it is a horse. He asks what a horse is,and she says that they were in many places and that she'd have to show him one sometime. He asked how big the horses were, thinking they could not be any bigger than himself, but she said that they were taller than she was and that she would ride them.
Into this:
Shrieking with joy, Kell ran up to his mother who was holding a small lumpy object wrapped in colorful paper. He lifted his tiny hands, opening and closing them rapidly, repeating the same phrase over and over again.
"Give it to me! Give it to me momma!"
Laughing, mother put it down on the table and recited an old rhyme, "Give me give me never gets, don't you know your manners yet? Now, what's the magic word?"
"Pees!" Kell answered, already scrambling up on a chair to get at the object.
"Don't you mean Please?"
Kell gave her a momentary embarrassed look before reaching out for the object again. He couldn't quite reach it. Hurumphing, he looked at mother for help.
She smiled and pushed it towards him.
He grabbed it and started tearing at the paper. A sliver of brown showed. Excited, he tore at the paper faster. two slim leg-like-things with many joints and a strange black disk where a foot was supposed to be was visible now, along with this long tuff of hair that hung down. What is this thing?
"Be careful with it Kell, you don't want it to break before you fully open it."
Sparing her only a glance, he slowed down a bit. A white spot appeared on the side of the little figure, along with another leg. Each leg had that weird black disk on the bottom instead of a foot. What were those things?
Finally, he uncovered what appeared to be the head, but it had pointy ears on the top of its head, and a long nose-like-thing that had the mouth on it, and the eyes were black. Another tuff of hair hung down what seemed to be the neck. What could this thing be? It looked so strange.
"Momma, what is it? It's looks funny." he gave the figure a puzzled look before turning towards mother.
"It's a figure of a horse."
"What's a horse?" he asked, giving mother a confused look.
"A horse is a creature that can be found in many places. I'll have to show you one some time."
Kell fell silent after that, imagining how big a horse would be in real life. He figured it could be no bigger then himself.
"How big were these horses momma?" he asked for conformation of his guess.
She put her hand up a little above her head. "About this high. They were very fun to ride when I was a kid."
Wide eyed, Kell stared at his mother in amazement and disbelief. Surely they couldn't be that big. Could they? And she would ride them? They must have been really strong creatures.
They are the same scene, but it's a different way of telling it. The three things I mentioned above make all the difference.
