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My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

"You are an assassin. In a world where most metal is replaced by sheer magical force and dragons are on the edges of the realm, you are slave to a king. Mad with grief, he will strike down any and all Elderborn, the supreme beings created by the dragons in order to alter this pocket of civilization on the coast of the Mediterranean. Deity-like powers are bestowed upon them, such as the control over elements, wars, diseases, even death itself. And it's your job to kill them, wherever you find them, on missions, in alleys, burying their loved ones. Their lives for yours."        A new story game a am making... Gonna post the first page in a bit if I get enough support... Just wanted to see if this sounds interesting to yall... There will be elaborate assassination scenes, moral choices, and other things. Cussing and other Pg-13/R elements will be kept to a minimum, though there will be violence. Like, brains-exploding, awesome violence. But meaningful violence. Will you be moral and make the right choices, or be... Well, a major d-bag? Only time, and the Elderborn, will tell.

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Sounds cool. :)

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

I'm open to any feed back or constructive criticism! :)

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Who are the Elderborn????? What are theylike?????

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Here's the link to what I've got so far... Not much, but I started last night: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/elderborn

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

I like it, the writing is very evocative and it looks like it's got great potential. Perhaps things are a bit too... strange; my character seems to have no identity or memory but if it's sci-fi or certain fantasies I'm sure that will be explained later. The elements of the plot need to be introduced as well, interesting scenes are interesting but they need to change or develop in a significant way or the reader's interest will fade but judging from the high quality of the opening I think if you can maintain this level throughout the finished story's going to be pretty great :D

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Thanks! I am definitely planning on an optional character background page once you are (spoilers) taken out of the cell. These opening scenes are mostly for the reader to realize that this is not a happy-go-lucky frolicking adventure with unicorns lol. But the assassin part will be he bulk of the story.

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Will I be able to use magic to kill the elder born? I like a kind of science/magic things shooting one guy in the chest with a flintlock while summoning oil and throwing it at the nine other guys then shooting the oil and making them burst on fire that kind of thing you know. So will the be possible?

 

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Lol great idea, I might put it in another story, but not quite suited for this one. 

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

This looks like an awesome story, and I can't wait to read it once you finish it!

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Thanks! :)

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Just like malacith said, it seems to be a good story smiley

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Is there any particular thing yall would like to do in the game? I'm branching the story out significantly, so I have room for a few more branches.

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Minor ones, that is.

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

hmmmmm how about steampunk tech that the king made to help battle elderborn that sounds cool. And how about the king sends you on missions other thank to kill elderborn like assasinating other kings or tryig to intimidate other smaller kingdoms to join the empire. All for the cause of killing the elderborn. Oooh and how about we also have dragon interactions. Too ambitious things to want?

My new story: "Elderborn"

9 years ago

Dragon Interactions: Yes.

Steampunk Technology: I like fhat idea. Maybe a little.

Other missions: Planning on adding bonus stages if you get a good enough ending, where you kill political opponents to the King, and, with the right ending, maybe the King himself. -collective gasps!- But intimidating other kingdoms... Well, the whole reason the King has an assassin program is his weak military, so.... No, for realism's sake.