A. Strange way to think of it. I mean, not that I'm against masturbation, but being happy with who and what you are seems like it's normal. Perhaps you're just a saddo who doesn't know that. Or, you've been using masturbation wrong your whole life, in which case, I'm sure that would've led to a few interesting stories.
B. Well, it's seemed to work so far in life, given how great that shit's going. In fact, it's made me the opposite of sad and lonely, so it seems to be a pretty good way for me to live. Good to know it's not led you good places though, I'll take that into account when dealing with you in future.