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One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

The title, which may change, is "To Be Created" and this is the description for it:

"Take on the role of an entity, self-aware and yet aware of so little. You don't know what you are, where you are, or even why you were created. All you know is... you are alone. Survive the solitude, discover your hidden potential, and uncover the mystery of your creation."

I've been working on it for the past few days after I got comfortable with the Advanced Editor, and while I have another project I also want to work on (it will be far less serious and more of a dungeon crawl), I feel very strongly about this one. I don't think it's been done before, and I look forward to fleshing out the story more. Here's the first page for those interested, and I'd love some constructive feedback:

"Creation, such a mysterious thing. Suddenly knowing you exist, but not what you are, where you are, or even why you exist at all. No one to guide you or give you company, no purpose...

How do you even tell yourself apart from the void surrounding you? You can't, there's no difference. You're not sure if its a part of you, or you're a part of it, but it's impossible to distinguish. You're slowly losing your sense of self...

If only there was something, anything, other than you, that you could distinguish yourself from...

If only something else existed...

If only...

...

A mechanical voice stirs you from your slumber. You don't understand what it's saying, and due to it speaking in montone, you can't guess its intent either. Still, a part of you feels relieved. That dream made you uneasy, and this new stimulus has dispelled that unpleasant feeling. Now you know, there is something other than you out there. For a while, that keeps you content.

...then the voice stops speaking...

You wait, hoping it will start again. Somehow, you're even more uneasy than before. That voice provided comfort, and now you're afraid you may never have that again. Did you do something wrong? Perhaps something was expected, but because you failed to understand, it left? You begin to feel depressed. You wish you understood, but now it's too late.

You are alone again...

..."

That's all for now. I'll update with a new post once I make further progress.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago
Looks very promising. Will it take a philosophical route (IE: Spend most of the time pondering the truths of life and being alive) or an action route, IE: You're created and placed into the world with a goal or mission.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

I think it will be a bit of both, and it depends partly on what choices you make in the game. At the start, it's more philosophical, but action kicks in if you manage to survive the beginning. Once I have more pages done I'll offer more. Thanks for the input!

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago
As a word of advice, surviving the beginning is generally not something you want the user to have to contend with. In fact, if someone dies right at the beginning of a story, it tends to be a real turn off.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

Yeah, I was afraid of that... I'll consider how to make it more friendly in the beginning. Though if Ground Zero is anything to go back, early deaths can still be appreciated if done right.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago
It's not easy to die in Ground Zero without some story getting in there though, even the death paths at the beginning generally have some story to them. But if they don't, and someone judged the game just based on that path they played, it wouldn't get a high rating. Could also be why it's not an 8 rated game.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago
Use JJJ's stories or Mommy as a guide for game stories.

I wouldn't use my stories as a major template for "game" story designing since I just focus on the story aspect rather than game stuff. I only tend to add "game like" elements as an afterthought and they're less complex in nature. (No variables, no inventories, etc)

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

since its Choose Your STORY, i would say that your stories End are great templates. too much focus on game elements tends to kill great story writing. I like the idea of writign a solid story and then POSSIBLY adding more complexity later.

nate

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

Honestly EndMaster, I enjoyed Ground Zero more than Mommy exactly because you had a much deeper storyline (with surprising variations based on the choices made) that really pulled me in. The lack of game elements didn't really phase me since the story was so good. I purposely sought out bad endings first because I was curious about all of it (but didn't want a bad ending to be the last thing I see, haha). That said though, they can really do much if I don't provide an End Game link on the early deaths, can they? In other words, they'd have no choice but to play through the better parts of the game. While I'm trying to follow your lead and make even the deaths "enjoyable", making it too easy for the player would detract from the lonely and hostile atmosphere that is supposed to exist early on. I appreciate your advice though, thanks!

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago
Yeah I just tend to warn people in advance on the front page on whether it's a "win/lose" type story or not. While I don't often spell out whether you "won" or not, there are usually several types of good/bad/neutral endings in them. Some of which could be open to interpretation.

I figure someone will just keep going back and picking another path if they don't like a certain ending, but are still interested in the story.

One of my projects I'll be working on.

14 years ago

It worked with me, heh. That's a good idea though, I'll include a disclaimer in the beginning. Thanks.