The Weekly Review - Edition 14
What’s New?
- In Newbie Central DragonX introduces himself with a thoughtful discussion on different writing styles (Big fan of CYOA but… Thread).
- In the Lounge Zaghero invites people to share their New Year’s Resolutions (New Year’s Resolutions Thread).
- In the Parlor Room ulisesmonge39 is searching for a story game he lost somewhere in the School Section, if you find it please contact him, there might be a reward available (Searching for a Storygame Thread).
- In the Writing Workshop Nieol raises an interesting discussion about ideal writing and reading speeds (Setting a pace Thread).
- In the Reading Corner Kiel Farren asks people if they’ve read anything funny lately, if you reply and say this I’ll add you to my Christmas greetings list for next year J (Read anything funny lately Thread).
Featured Interview - Introducing Steve “The Hostage” 24833
This year has seen a lot of great story games. Veteran members EndMaster and Kiel Farren have churned out Suzy’s Strange Saga and The Other World, two fantastic stories, and Tanstaafl has given us the very readable Undead Personna. Relative newcomers like Appdude27 and Ogre11 have produced a steady stream of fantastic stories but the best new series has to be Achilles and Achilles2, written by Steve and Chase223 (not to be confused with Chases1 through to 222) who have an interesting author partnership based on fear and intimidation. In this interview, smuggled out of her subterranean prison, hidden inside a Frisbee, Steve gives us this unique glimpse of life inside “the dungeon of terror”…
Q: Why do you write and what got you interested?
A: I write because when I was a little kid I always had a really active imagination, imagining fantasy battles on every street and alien ships overhead. Writing allowed me to maintain by thoughts, and eventually my notes began to become stories, and eventually storygames. I actually got interested in the storygames through the quiz sites that made vaguely storygame like zombie survival quizzes, and eventually found here.
Q: Do you have any plans to continue the excellent Achilles series?
A: Yes, I do. I'm working on one or two games before I get onto Achilles III, but I'm already making notes and plans for it.
Q: You claim Chase233 is holding you prisoner in an unidentified basement somewhere. Could we have some more details on this?
A: It's not great, to be honest. I'm not getting a lot of food, mostly rat carcasses, and irradiated water. I'm not sure where I am, or how IP addresses work, but if you could find me and give me a hand, that'd be awesome. Because I'm really hungry, and as winter sets in me pee-soaked rags will do little to keep me warm. I simply don't have the strength to last another winter trying to find Greek Mythological names or references to ancient Greece that only Chase gets.
Q: Would you recommend this as a good writing method for two people looking to write more?
A: What, do you mean one kidnapping the other? It's a good system. It always comes about if two people are working on a large project. There are no exceptions. If you're not planning an insane, SAW level trap to force your partner to work, then he or she is. And they will make you work to survive.
Q: What has been the worst moment of your captivity so far?
A: Trying to find out a Greek God with something to do with healing while being tased repeatedly by Chase wearing a Pig Mask, a garter belt and his own ears on a necklace. Was not a great night, that one.
Q: Imprisonment and forced labour must produce a lot of humour, what has been the funniest thing that has happened to you?
A: I was looking through Achilles II, right before publishing it, and found one of the characters, Thar'Karn, had his name changed to Thar'Kaan. I looked through the story, and every single reference to Thar'Karn was now Thar'Kaan. I asked Chase, and it turned out he awoke in the night confused and presumably on many drugs, and spent at least two hours going through the story multiple times to change the name. His insanity was quite amusing.
Q: How did you find this site?
A: To be honest, I have no idea. I remember my first time playing Necromancer, and Dungeon Stompage and such, but I can't remember how I found here. Perhaps I awoke from being chloroformed in front of a laptop on this site.
Q: What are the things you like most about this site?
A: I love the general sense of communities. My first storygame here was a terrible game called Soldiers, but loads of people were really polite and kind, and showed me where I could improve, which encouraged me to continue writing and creating. The people involved are really great and fantastic. Except Chase, that dead beat son of a bitch. LET ME OUT, CHASE!
Q: What are the things you like the least about this site?
A: Warrior Cats. I never saw or heard of the show. It seems to have only been watched by trolls. Perhaps you can only receive the channel under bridges or on your computer after posting 100 racist youtube comments. I don't understand why it's everywhere, but thankfully JJJ the Banisher had purged the Warrior Cats from this site. Or, "banished". Ha, humour.
Q: Any final thoughts or last words you would like to share with us?
A: Never leave your drink alone near weirdos, that's an important thing. Also, seriously, get me out of here. Don't just read this and feel sympathy. I need help. Man wasn't meant to live like this. He needs to be stopped. Somebody please, kill Chase and get me out of here. Thank you.
Thoughtful words from a great author (unless this really is a plea for help in which case Karma’s gonna be messing with me in the next life…).
Featured Review –Achilles II: The Chykri
I don’t usually enjoy Sci-Fi but this combines political intrigues with a fantastic storyline. The writing is addictive: the replay value better than most story-games around and the way the variable setting was very, clever and well-done. It is good to find new writers on the site taking time to deliver a long, well-written and clever story and with the promise of sequels to come I definitely recommend you read this and it’s prequel Achilles.
Jokes
It’s that time of year where people meet up, give each other presents, explode turkeys in microwaves and elderly family members get into port-induced arguments about what Aunt Nora said to Aunt Dora in 1963… (it is worse if you have grandparents are in their 90’s like mine and still argue about which of our family were most responsible for starting World War 2. My hunch tells me Great Uncle Schiklgruber was to blame…), yep it’s Christmas again and here’s some Christmas and New Year jokes to help celebrate the holiday season (I had to open A LOT of crackers to find something funny so I hope you enjoy them):
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." (Shirley Temple)
"The one thing most women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." (Joan Rivers)
"Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish." (Benny Hill)
What does Santa call the reindeer that doesn't work?
Dinner.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
What does one ho plus two ho make?
A jolly Santa…
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don’t mix the two up like you did last year.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right" – Oprah Winfrey
Quiz of the Week
Ah Heaven and Hell, in the past it was believed your future destination was determined by the tone of voice you said “Jesus Christ” in, now thanks to the invention of the Internet we find it easier to pick our destinations. If you don’t want to ask a Fortune Teller, Priest or Spirit Worker for a quote to get you to Heaven (or Hell if you prefer hot places full of sin with interesting characters) you can take this Quiz and find out if you’re bound for Heaven or Hell (or if you have more time you can read the 73 books that make up the Bible. The King James Version is probably the best because a good mistranslated version will talk about unicorns in Deuteronomy and miss the “Not” out of the instructions of the Ten Commandments).
1: You see someone getting mugged across the street. What do you do?
A) Mug the mugger when he’s not expecting it.
B) Get out your phone and make a video for Youtube.
C) Throw handfuls of money at the criminal to stop the crime in a non-violent way.
2: You are one of those people in a lifeboat listening to people drown after the Titanic sunk. What do you do?
A) Read a book to while away the time.
B) Pray for them.
C) Dive into the ocean and start swimming back to rescue as many as you can.
3: If you ever met Justin Bieber what would you do?
A) Pour a sack of flesh-eating ants on his head
B) Take photos, scream hysterically and wee yourself.
C) Try to see the good in everyone, no matter how annoying freaky little Canadian man-childs might be...
4: In a Zombie Apocalypse what would you do?
A) Try to take control of the remaining humans through a mixture of weapons, loyal followers and a new religion with you as its figurehead.
B) Sit in a basement somewhere with tinned food, play computer games for a few years and hope for the best.
C) Try to convert the zombies to vegetarianism through tactful diplomacy and power-point presentations.
5: At a social gathering one of your best friend’s says he or she is interested in your ex who you still have feelings for. What do you do?
A) Use a can opener and/or a corkscrew to cripple your friend biologically.
B) Scream “my heart hurts” and run out of the party.
C) Offer them detailed advice on your friend’s interests, hobbies, type etc to help them hook up.
If you answered mostly A's... you are evil (or had a really rough day at work). I don’t want to get on your bad side so I apologize now for anything I might have done to upset you in the past. Please don’t hurt my family.
If you answered mostly B's... in your case heaven or hell seem like a 50-50 chance (or possibly it depends on whether you have more in common with the God who drowned mankind in a flood or the Devil who turned old women into witches so they could fly).
If you answered mostly C's... you were the original inspiration for Ned Flanders. Goodness radiates from you like sunlight, bringing joy and delight into the hearts of even the most ardent evil-doers and making others feel slightly nauseous.
Random Section – Chinglish
Written language has probably only been invented independently three times in history: in Iraq in 3000BC, in China around 1000BC and in South America around 500BC, though this last has practically died out along with most Native American people. Because English and Chinese are descended from different sources it requires a third system called Pinyin to make translation possible. This means it is difficult to say exactly what you mean in Chinese if you are English, in some restaurants in China I resort to crude animal impressions to let staff know exactly which lovably furry creature I'd like to devour and digest.
Some of the Chinese to English translations are even more funny and here are some of the favorite ones me or one of my friends have seen:
English: The Silence of the Lambs – Chinglish: The Quiet Sheep
English: Do not Disturb – Chinglish: Do not scream
English: This fridge is out of order – Chinglish: This fridge is out of control.
English: Danger! Keep out! – Chinglish: Anger! Keep out!
English: No Littering – Chinglish: No Tossing
English: Men / Women Bathrooms – Chinglish: Male Man / Fe Man Bathrooms
English: Beware of Dogs, Trespassers will be prosecuted / Chinglish: Be wary of animals, survivors will be troubled
English: ??? (Menu Option) / Chinglish: The shrimp fucks the cabbage
English: ??? (Menu Option) / Chinglish: Whatever
English: Mind your head / Chinglish: Slowly bang head
English: Happy 30th Birthday / Chinglish: Happy 30 years of you.
English: Caution! Construction work ahead! / Chinglish: Caution! Erection ahead!
English: Free toilet paper. Enjoy (?) / Chinglish: Free poo tissue. Please cherish the use.
And my favorite, seen in a garden in Shenzhen:
English: Don’t walk on the grass! / Chinglish: No entrance to Greenland!
A Big Thank You to Steve24833 for his Interview this week.
Thanks for reading this Review and have a great week :D
