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People believing mental illness is something to be celebrated!

https://www.marvel.com/articles/comics/introducing-the-new-new-warriors

TL;DR

Marvel is making a hero group of literal SJWs and their name choices are hilarious to the point that it seems like trolling but it amusingly isn't! This is all completely serious!

I'm guessing their powers are sucking your dick until you beg for mercy.

They didn't even give the fat black sassy girl any fucking powers, all she's got is a magic backpack. I suppose that's sort of like a utility belt for the fat though. So I guess she's the Batman of the group of freaks.

Since Sentinel already pointed this out and I can't unsee it now, I'm going to make the BBW cave troll even worse for you all. Look at her ear on the side profile. Now imagine your own ears being a full inch lower on your head, so that the tops don't line up with your eyes.

Anyway I genuinely thought "Snowflake" and "Safespace" were a meme when I first saw them. I felt at first like it was bound to anger the perpetually angry portion of the target audience, but then again these people are as bad as furries in having descended well past the point of self parody or all self awareness or ability to perceive eye bleeding color schemes so long ago.

I just can't deal with these outfits. Yet at the same time, why is the woman of size not wearing the same outfit as the other two? Fat is beautiful, why are they covering her up?

I don't understand why you included the second B. I mean I guess she's a TSA Worker 7, but that's not a high bar.

Our new heroes, a couple of Incest Porn Actor-lookin reprobates dressed like American Gladiators and Dora the Explorer. I can't wait to read a story where absolutely no reason is given for any sort of investment.

This is unfortunately a pretty common thing with even regular books that are trying to play SJW bingo. When you have a desperate niche audience ready to eat your fat black trans autistic lesbian BPD protagonist up, you don't need to worry about literally any other story element, you can just phone in the contents of your toilet after two for one burrito night and be worshipped all over social media. (Until you do some small thing that segment of the internet doesn't agree with, after which point they'll tear you apart and then each other.)

You also can't let them have any flaws or do anything interesting or make them anything other than "quirky" ubermenches because that's only going to piss off the very manchildren you were attempting to herd into your cat pen to begin with. They just have to immediately be superheroes and ready to do superheroic things from the getgo, and all problems have to essentially be highschool fanfic non-issues in the grandiose scale of the elaborate cosmology these universes used to have.

I'd wish this was a joke if it being real wasn't so hilarious. The article is definitely worth reading, bwcause it really reveals this all as some ungodly combination of tumblr cringe and boomers trying to be cool and hip, and it is amazing.
For those who didn't read, there was also a kid named "Screentime" who had the power to use Google.

Now that I'm out of the corona quarantine thread I can comment on this craziness.

Snowflake identifies as "non gender-binary," since that's the hip thing to do now days if you don't fit an easy "victim" class, but wears skintight clothes to show her curves and hugs her brother more like a lover than a sibling. And of course, she wears blue and her brother wears pink. So hip and edgy!

And Screen-time hilariously has "infinite screentime" as he is permanently connected to the internet, and this is supposed to be treated as a positive. I wonder if he will face weaknesses like misinformation, internet lagging, viruses, or the crushing weight of reality.

I did find one somewhat clever thing in the mess which is the twins viewing their powers as a "post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying." I did laugh at that. But it makes sense, how else are woke people beyond such things as punishing villains or using violence going to excuse their super-violence?

I can imagine the only people buying this will be the ones wanting to support it specifically because it's "woke." But I don't imagine the far left has ever been the core-demographic of comic sales.
 

Apparently even the "woke" people are hating this. Though they don't like it for the obvious reasons.

The reason why woke people hate this is because it's fucking garbage. It's basically some straight white dude who is trying to get hip with the new folk googling terms like "The Gays???" and "homosexual activities" until he finds something clinical he'd like to copy and paste. When reading the descriptions, you don't learn anything about who these people actually are. They open with their wokeness rather than their actual personality. What is internet gas...?

I'm not a fan of....Tumblrness. But queer people are better at writing queer people. This shmuck looks really proud of all the fancy words he knows. If Snowflake is nb, why does the artist pronounce her figure so much? Why is her brother.....doing that?

I'm nb and I don't wear it on my sleeve. I want this comic to continue because it would be really funny to watch these guys attempt to write human beings.

ALSO: These designs are really bad. Very gaudy, I especially hate Vamp kid. Who let this go through?

I know right, why not just hire someone ten years younger to write about the things kids can actually relate to? Browsing memes, eating ass, drawing furry porn, lying awake all night with a vague sense of dread and anxiety, that kind of thing.

Introducing......SCREENTIME! BUT LIKE, REALISTIC!!

An overweight Jewish teen who's social anxiety was so out of control that he left college after a mental breakdown! His parents were paying for it, but now he's too ashamed to face them! Isn't that too bad? Even worse than that, his depression medication makes him gain weight no matter what he tries, and he doesn't like going outside to excersise because of his excessive BO! What a bummer!

Instead, Screentime makes money playing competitive fortnite tournaments. He fuels up by munching on Ruffles Queso chips. They're totally different from Ruffles Sour Cream Cheddar, you know. I actually just had one right now. They're really tasty. Seriously.

Besides that, he likes cruising /a and /b on 4chan. /b has really gone down hill. Not that me, the writer would know that. I certainly don't frequent 4chan or the incel forums, the latter of which under a fake persona in which i've gained quite the repetoire. Oh no. Wait, we were talking about Screentime, weren't we? Well, he fights crime by hacking or something. The point is that he's really sad, and he makes a decent amount of money but he blows it all on Fate Stay Night merch. He also doesn't care about what's under Astolpho's skirt, it's whats on the inside that counts. He plays gatcha games too, which is the ultimate sign of depression.

Once, Screentime ordered a really cute sailor suit. It was really cute. The ribbon in front was light and bouncy and the pleats on the skirt looked like they would fly nicely in the wind if he were to twirl. It didn't fit, of course. Japanese sizes are different than western sizes. But that's a big lie, isn't it? The truth is that Screentime is too fat, too ugly to fit into a cute, carefree suit like that! It's the depression meds fault. It is. But that's a lie too, because everytime Screentime tries to diet, he gets lonely and buys 3 family sized bags of Ruffles Queso Chips from the spanish convenience store down the street before going back to his room to eat them all. The store is open 24/7. He only goes at night. That's because the store is mostly empty then.

Screentime is a hero. A really brave, smart hero who is good with computers and hacking and stuff like that. He's saved so many lives or something. I don't know the details. I do know is that Screentime must be a real great guy, saving everybody's lives like that. Keep up the good work!

He won't be a real hero though until he's An Hero.

You're hired!

Seriously, I could see a lot of B plots coming from this guy. He wouldn't be the actual focus of most stories but readers would get invested in the side stories he has of making ultimately doomed attempts at self improvement, while still managing to actually save lives somehow through the rapid keyboard touching. The narrative would make it clear his lifestyle wasn't healthy, but at the end of the day he is helping people at the cost of his own physical and mental wellbeing, which is no different than what the other heroes do. Except he's doing it in a way that leaves him ashamed and disgusted with himself.

Also, one time he turned off his notifications and got distracted fapping to hentai, and as a result, babies died.

We need more depraved losers as heroes. Not like, heroes to look up to. Just that they're doing the right thing but still being burdened by their own humans shortcomings.

The little bits I wrote in there might seem like memes but actually, they're taken directly from my various roomate's and programming friend's lives. I can hear my pal clicking away in the other room. He's been eating garbage and playing in a tournament for the past 3 days.

There's so many interesting things about internet it's offensive to boil it down to "internet gas". The incel forums can be a weirdly wholesome place where guys check in on each other and show off their personal projects. They're still awful people, but it's nonetheless heartwarming to get a PM from a real life incel offering you a link to his amateur itch.io page because he wants to cheer you up with some homemade games. Reddit is a powerful beast that has done awful, but also wonderful things through its community. 4chan too. 

The flapping death is hilarious but also sounds like something that would happen. I'd think the guy would have to keep his heroism a secret, so his roomates, his parents and the people at the convenience store would see him as completely useless. The dregs of society. A total leech. His self-loathing would lead to even more destructive behaivior. A blank-faced, glassy-eyed expression as the lethargic monotony and lack of sun mutilate him into the most pathetic sack of shit you've ever seen. Eventually, he cuts off human connection entirely. The world is full of normalfags, as they say. 

IS it a real life incel though, or is it yet another person posting among them with an undercover alt for lols?

Considering that it is the incel forums, the chances of him actually being a normie are very low. Also his itch page has his dev name as devcel so I guess it's his thing. I will say he's pretty early in the process. Judging by his coding, he's either in highschool or starting community college.

Ever since a certain influx of normies, all noncels are relegated the bluepill chat. Also, if you're found fronting, you get your IP banned. Also also, no femcels. Femcels don't exist.

They're all on FDS anyway.

Your description of the internet's complex social ecosystem reminds me of another idea I've had.  What would different websites look like if they were physical locations?  For example, I imagine CYS as a sort of library-cafe combo.  It's got a rustic feel to it; wood paneling on the walls, a nice crackling fireplace, bearskin rug, that sort of thing.  The cafe/forums are on one side, and the library/storygames/editor are on the other, separated by a little wall so those in the library can concentrate on what they're doing.  Each member has their own sleeping quarters (their profile).  The shame pit is a big hole in the back where we dump deleted storygames to rot.

4chan would have magic jello stains in the shag carpetting. 

We're well established as a fantasy city built around a grand library, thank you. The roads leading to walls are lined with the heads of feral cat children and fools stuck on pikes.

It wasn't always this way. We used to be a small dysfunctional island nation with an enormous military budget (To the point where every user of influence had the resources to compete to be tinpot dictator of the land every other month, like goddamn 1400s Italy) and haunted stonehenges where we prayed to absent pagan mods.

I mean, the original New Warriors sucked, so no surprise here. I'm more surprised by the fact the sissy black dude seems to have an ant nest for a dick.

A whole highly paid team of creative sorts thought this all seemed like a good idea and a way to be hip and with it to impress the kids. They must've been exposed to some of that experimental internet gas I've heard so much about.

Should have called the gay bloodsucker HIVampire.

Morbius but small and gay, and then... Wait a minute, why does Meme Machine have the exact same face as the sewer troll but his skin isn't stone-colored? How can an interacial family be this inbred?

Anyone want to take a guess at what they mean by "experimental internet gas?"  What does that even mean?

Sounds like some sort of internal build up by some basement dwelling neckbeard after a long late night session of eating bags of off brand chips, drinking bottles off brand "Mountain Dew", hanging out of 4chan, browsing hentai and triggering the libs.

But who watches the Gaymen? 

OMG, this is beautiful!!! I vote they add a hypersensitive gunslinger to the group called Triggered ^_^

And a non-binary water manipulator called Gender-Fluid!

And an angry shrinking guy called Micro-Aggression!

... I should write this comic. ^_^

It's great you're back btw, and I also enjoy how you've just said fuck it and shaken off the last of your COG conditioning.

Well now they need villains to fight.

Incelocalypse

TERFinator

Naziferatu

Molestopheles

Captain Boomer

CISter Karen

And of course... THE PATRIARCH

Don't forget the most evil villain of them all... Mansplainer!

And his twin Slut Shamer.

OMG! And they need to have matching outfits and be Snowflake and Safe Space's arch nemeses! This is the best comic ever! ^_^

Here's the writer. As you can see, he really has his finger on the pulse of today's youth.

Possibly on some of their other places too.

Oh, and I found a twitter post by this guy calling gun owners "a death cult" that everyone is funding with their children's lives. Lol.

Pfft, stupid libtard. Everyone knows it's video games that're the real problem. ^_^

This is what happens when you close down the asylums and pretend that the mentally deranged can make meaningful contributions to society, rather than leading everyone over a cliff to harvest their innards for their own perverse gratification.

Here's more "ideas" for them.

Hero:
Fursonya - barbarian wolf chick.

Villain:
NR-Ray - he has an assault ray with unlimited shots. Why can't he just have a regular old ray with 3 shots like everyone else?