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You can throw me in the pit of shame if you must, but I can't participate in this contest anymore. I don't want to get into detail for the sake of my privacy, but I'm dealing with some mental health issues, along with a few personal problems that I'd rather not discuss, and I just feel tired and lazy all the time. I've been trying to write to get in the habit of being more productive, but I keep deleting entire pages and rewriting them. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a writer. 

This is DEFINITELY not one of the good Asians.

Fuck you want, a boutonnière?

No?

Yes, please.

I have panic attacks every time I look at my unfinished paths and pages.

Yeah, I think I'll just face the music, accept getting thrown into the pit of shame, and keep a low profile for a while until I'm actually able to finish something and publish it. In the meantime, I'm just going to read and review stories.

Anyway, thank you for your kind response. I appreciate the reassurance/pep talk. I expected to get bashed for this post, which I see Thara has already done lol, and I'm glad someone responded with empathy rather than judgement. I hope everything goes well for you too, and that you are able to finish your story in time. 

I didn't bash you, dude.

If you say so

Bashing you would be me pointing out that you have story-games that are blank, and that you put more effort in this crybaby bitch thread, than working on any of them. Unless you do all of your writing somewhere else, offline.

I do all of my writing on Google Docs.

That's what they all say.

The OP has no presence on the site, so I think to most this was about the equivalent of Rooster introducing himself, doing nothing a few weeks, and then announcing he was going to be away awhile. It was like, "ok? Who are you again?"

It does get more attention than 50% of entrants just flaking on contests as usual, but not necessarily in a good way.

You'll never create the perfect page. Please change your mind and submit something, however imperfect it is. Becoming a writer starts with small steps, and the first ones won't always be impressive.

As for mental health issues, I'm not sure I can speak into your specific situation, but I know that if something stands in opposition to what you want to accomplish then the only way out is through. The only way to not be tired and lazy is to act like you're not. Being more productive involves consistency, and you are more than capable of that.

You're not doomed to failure; you can succeed if you try. GOD bless you.

Well hope things get better, but you're basically describing half the people who enter every contest lol. Stick around and you'll find that it's not really a threadworthy event around here.

As recently proven by the Shrimp Jam, a competent storygame can be written in even a day. You don't have anything published currently, so a shorter story would even be a great starting point- not every piece needs tens of thousands of words and an extreme amount of crunch and effort put in. A simple, low-stress entry would be perfectly acceptable.

I'm sorry to hear about the issues you've been having. In terms of productivity, the best tip I can give you is to look forward as you write. Don't delete pages and obsess over redoing them as you go, that will only burn you out. Write, complete the story, maybe the early pages will age well, maybe they won't, but it will be way less taxing to make corrections and revisions once you're not stressed over having to actually complete the rest of it. Hope you reconsider!

Of course no real writer ever experienced mental health problems [1]. Deleting entire pages is part of the process though. Why not take a week off. Or maybe procrastinate with something else. Hey why not wrtite another story. Just a quick one with a quick few pages, doesn't need to be great. And if you spin it might the one you submit to the prompt progress.

Most professional writers (who have nothing else to do) only write 1,000 to 3,000 words per day, and some significantly less.

I hope you'll feel better soon! Mental health issues can be quite difficult to deal with and often distorts self-perception but something to remember is that you are not your output. Give yourself grace and make sure to spend time on things that make you relaxed, happy, and eventually inspired to write.

Could it be that you're burnt out? I've learnt somewhat recently is that if you're too tired, overwhelmed or mentally checked out to work, that is not being lazy. Laziness is having the energy and mental headspace to work on something but simply choosing to avoid it in favor of fun or convenience.

When I went through my "couldn't do anything but doomscroll on social media and watch youtube videos despite having a mountain of assignments to complete" phase for about roughly a month in my final year of undergrad, what helped me wasn't more discipline or motivation. It was recognising that the build-up of academic pressure and working myself to the bone for months wasn't sustainable. I only recovered when I gave myself permission to 'waste' entire days, choosing to do things like exploring a new part of the city or hanging out with close friends. I recovered within a few days, returned to my workaholic self in a few weeks, and then burned out again in a few months lol (thankfully I had graduated by then).

Some notes on starting a writing habit

Just like any habit, most people overestimate how much they can do. That's why a lot of new year resolutions fail. I find that the best way to start new goals tend to be making them as low-commitment and high-frequency as possible. I do my best writing when I tell myself that I need to write one word every day (and find myself avoiding my google doc when my goal is 'finish 3k words today'). Showing up each day is all it takes. Sometimes I write one word, sometimes I write 5k, and sometimes I delete more words than I add, but no matter what I'm still building a writing habit.

Others have already talked about this but putting pressure on yourself to write well is one of the biggest reasons why would-be writers fail. Every page of your favourite book has been edited to death by the author and their editors before it reaches your bookshelf.

I recommend keeping all your work, even the ones you hate. Writing is something you can only really learn by doing. Starting out, you may have a keen sense of what 'good' writing is but struggle to reach it, which can only change as you experiment with your own writing style. Everyone starts somewhere and this hobbyist site is (in my biased opinion) a great place to begin.

Imposter syndrome

Thanks to Mousecore's CYScraper, I had the displeasure of finding the first piece of writing I posted on the site, and I cringed through enough of it before deciding not to finish reading. Should I have stopped writing the second I realized my skills were subpar? Regardless, I'm glad I did not.

No one is ever "cut out" to be anything except that which they are willing to put in the effort to become. Writing is a humbling processs, and every now and then, I wonder if I'm regressing. No matter how many stories I write, self-doubt and fears about not living up to some invisible standard taints everything I create. At this point I think it's an essential part of the writing process.

TL;DR your identity isn't defined by your bad days

Edit: you didn't see that. I'm still getting used to not having the RTE.

I also tried pulling out of the prom queen, and the child support payments are a bitch, do not recommend.

Nevermind, the title cut off and I misunderstood.