BerkaZerka, The Million Word Malkavian

Member Since


Last Activity

9/17/2021 11:27 AM

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0 wins / 0 losses


Lauded Sage Exemplar



Mind's Eye USA





Trophies Earned

Administrative contributions. Having 4 Storygame(s) Featured Having Infinite Points Posting 13195 Forum Posts Rated 100.0% of all Stories Given by alexp on 02/22/2013 - For being all-around awesome! Given by BerkaZerka on 01/09/2017 - In memorial of mustache wars long long ago~ Given by EndMaster on 05/31/2013 - For Dead Man Walking, Dungeon Stompage and whatever other cool stories you end up creating. Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 10/14/2013 - Great site presence and top notch AE usage Given by Killa_Robot on 12/10/2019 - For showing everyone what the advanced editor was capable of and being a pretty cool dude Given by madglee on 04/04/2014 - Exceptional stories and great moderator! Great work, BZ! Enjoy. Given by mizal on 01/07/2020 - For some of the greatest stories on the site, many years of thankless modding, Ansonia, and being the last bastion of wholesomeness. Given by Sethaniel on 06/14/2014 - Great moderator, amazing game-maker. Given by Will11 on 01/15/2017 - For the fantastic stories, amazing scripting and overall contributions to the site


Chuck Norris Quiz

How well do you know the Incredible Facts About The Awesome Chuck Norris?

25 Questions with Scoring

Featured Story Cows vs. Aliens!

Farmer Brown is on vacation and it's up to Fernando El Fantastico the Bull (that's you!) to save his Herd when Aliens come to harvest them!

(by playing draw poker against a horde of moronic alien invaders!)

Special Thanks to Killa_Robot for playtesting feedback - This Meep's For him! ^v^

Crab Arena!

You are Crab Trainer X! Choose your Crustacean Combatant and Battle for Glory in Crab Arena! The Championship Belt is within your Grasp! Can You Do It? Hell Yes You Can!

Now GO!!!


How To Play

Fight 3 Round Battles with 4 Opponents; and then a 5 Round Battle with the Final Opponent. Each Round you choose an Attack and an Elemental Focus to power it.
CLAW HAMMER beats Body Slam / BODY SLAM beats Double Snip / DOUBLE SNIP beats Claw Hammer
FIRE consumes Air / WATER puts out Fire / EARTH soaks up Water / AIR blows away Earth
A Color-Coded Bar shows the results between the Attacks and Focuses: Green = Win; Yellow = Draw; Red = Lose
Your Attack determines who Wins the Round; the Elemental Focus determines how much Damage you will take and how many Power Points you will gain. Your Wins and Losses at the end of each Battle determine whether you advance or go down in flames.

Featured Story Dead Man Walking (Zombie Survival)

Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse? While challenging, it's not as hard as the movies would have you believe - where they always make the worst possible decisions for the sake of drama. At least here, you will be offered logical choices amid the foolhardy and your character cares about survival even more than you do. A serious game with gory detail.

Cameos (try to find them all!)
Aman: Hairy bearded sledge guy
applegirl: Coffee mug zombie teen
Betaband: Neighbor’s fish tank brought to you by Betaband
CovElite: The Cannibal Gaunt Zombie
EndMaster: A survivor tells about seeing a black hooded man walking among the zombie hordes and directing them like death itself
Fireplay: A madman with a taste for fire
JMgskills: A zombie wearing a red shirt with the logo “YOU DIED – END GAME.”
Marmotlord: A School Mascot on the run
playa988: A rather short, buzz-cut, zombie in a baggy white t-shirt and jeans that gets sniped
simplesabley: Tomboy survivor girl
SindriV: A mysterious corpse in the street
Solxd7: A police officer shit out of luck
Swiftstryker: Zombie in a speedo
ThisisBo: An oddly “talkative” zombie not terribly interested in eating brains
ugilick: Karate kicking conquistador

Special Thanks To:
Aman; AtomicWaste; blob; Briar_Rose; HoraceTorys; MBrock; playa988; ugilick

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Featured Story Delve!

Slay Monsters and Loot the Bodies!

100 levels of Classic Dungeon-Crawl Hack & Slash!
Can you survive all the way to the end?

A CYS "Flash Game" Featuring -
Weapon Upgrades, Magic Items, NPCs, and more!

Featured Story Dungeon Stompage!

An Item and Character-Stat driven Dungeon Adventure Challenge! Can you survive the perils, defeat the monsters, and win the game?


Special Thanks To:

JMgskills, simplesabley; betaband; Swiftstryker; madglee; October; & urnam0 (who found a second solution to the puzzle chest)

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Kill Aman's Mustache

Do you have what it takes to survive the Wrath of Aman's Mustach of Doom?

Are you clever enough to outwit a Penguin with a mallet? Are you man enough to wear a phony mustache? Are you Anime enough to put on a Pikachu suit and head to Vegas?

Find Out Now, In: Kill Aman’s Mustache!

A horror(ble) puzzle of hairy implications with a side of lice...

Note that embedded audio requires windows media player plug-in to hear. You will likely be prompted to allow it if you don't already have it installed.
(Please don't be mean and Rate this game poorly just because it’s a worthless piece of crap. Seriously - you will totally hurt the feelings of the thirteen year old orphan schoolgirl from Korea that I hired to write this and who has very little grasp of grammar and doesn’t speak any Engrish and is dying of toenail cancer – you heartless brutes.)


So You Want To Join A Cult

Which Cult is right for you?

Take this Cult Placement Quiz and find out!

HINT: A Leader needs to be willing to put in a long day.

The King's Logic Puzzle


The king has proposed a contest of intellect.
You have a balance scale and twelve identical looking spheres of gold - except that one is either heavier or lighter than all the rest. Using the scale and only 3 measurements, you must determine which is the 'odd ball' and whether it is lighter or heavier.
If you fail, you get to be court jester for a month. The king has a terrible sense of humor - trust me; you don't want to be court jester (even for just a month). It's part of the reason he holds this contest. It's the only way he can get anyone to 'sign-up' for the job.
If you can correctly guess the 'odd ball,' but not whether it's lighter or heavier than all the others, you get to go free.
But if you can get the right ball AND figure out whether it's lighter or heavier - you get to keep all twelve spheres of gold. They're worth a small fortune - enough to buy your own keep - which would raise you up from lowly Surf to rich Landowner in the blink of an eye.
What do you have to lose - except your dignity...


A Penguin's Fairy Tale

You are 'Penguin,' a small stuffed toy owned by a little girl named Sarah. You love Sarah very much and Sarah loves you. You know this, because Sarah says so quite often. You are Sarah's favorite toy.


Bane Treasure Of The Vampire King

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie? I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky. The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing; Rush in and die, dogs—I was a man before I was a king.

Epic pirate adventure in the world of Conan the Barbarian. Sail the savage seas in search of a legendary treasure cursed by the gods!

Dungeon Stompage II

Sixty nine years after Raven's grand adventure, Tempest, the half-human child of the Succubus Lilianthea, takes up the quest to find the lost treasure hoard of the Great Dragon Serpentfang - wherein lies an artifact with the power to destroy the Oblitterum Nomeno once and for all.

Battle even more fearsome monsters and your own half-demonic nature, to recover the artifact in time; before the book of damned souls draws you in past the point of no return!

Five Pin Code

The following is a 'How To It Guide,' for building a Five Pin Pass Code into your game for the purpose of pass-coding Unlockables, Game Sequels, or the like.

Articles Written

Advanced Item Manipulation
You don't have to have Items specifically tied to pages or use $ITEMSTATEXX to pick them up and drop them.

How to Shuffle a List with Scripting
You can use Advanced Editor Scripting to randomize the order of list (without duplicates) using the following method.

How to use On-Page Variable Tricks
The following discusses the use of the On-Page Variable Code (it literally goes right on the Page in the Story Editor, as opposed to Scripting, which goes into the Scripting Boxes).

Recent Posts

Dungeons & Drag Queens on 9/17/2021 11:23:24 AM

Variable D6 on 9/17/2021 11:19:38 AM
You really do need to have two variables to track this, rather than 1. If you only use 1, then you change it every time you run the script. For example: Say you already set the value of %PLYRATK to 16 -- then ran this -- (Note, they system will round to nearest whole number) %PERCENT := 1D102 IF %PERCENT = 1 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 0 -- %PLYRATK is Zero IF %PERCENT > 1 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 10 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 2 IF %PERCENT > 11 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 20 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 3 IF %PERCENT > 21 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 30 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 5 IF %PERCENT > 31 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 40 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 6 IF %PERCENT > 41 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 50 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 8 IF %PERCENT > 51 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 60 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 10 IF %PERCENT > 61 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 70 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 11 IF %PERCENT > 71 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 80 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 13 IF %PERCENT > 81 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 90 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 14 IF %PERCENT > 91 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 100 / 100 -- %PLYRATK is 16 IF %PERCENT > 101 THEN %PLYRATK := %PLYRATK * 2 -- %PLYRATK is 32 The very next time you ran it, %PLYRATK is going to have an unknown value of zero to 32. Most likely however, it will be a value less than 16 and would continue to decrease closer to zero each time you ran the script. A second variable changes this and keeps %PLYRATK set to 16 unless you specifically choose to alter it at some other point. For example, use %ATTACK, %DAMAGE, or the like. Example: %PERCENT := 1D102 IF %PERCENT = 1 THEN %ATTACK := 0 IF %PERCENT > 1 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 10 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 11 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 20 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 21 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 30 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 31 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 40 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 41 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 50 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 51 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 60 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 61 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 70 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 71 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 80 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 81 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 90 / 100 IF %PERCENT > 91 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK IF %PERCENT > 101 THEN %ATTACK := %PLYRATK * 2

Python Challenge on 9/15/2021 5:50:10 PM
Can we still get a bass boat?

Python Challenge on 9/15/2021 5:49:44 PM
Save money on the cheap hotel and rent a bass boat.

Dungeons & Drag Queens on 9/15/2021 5:37:53 PM
There was no way you would be able to get the laces loose in time, so you struggled to pull your heels from the packed ash. No sooner than you had one foot free, a giant vulture swooped in and grabbed you by the shoulders to carry you off once again! As you were abruptly yanked upward, a loud snap came from the bottom of your shoe, followed by a loud ripping noise over your shoulder! Dropping back to the ground, you saw that the vulture had broken you free of your eight inch heel – which was still embedded in the ash – while ripping off one of the floofy shoulder ploofs of your pageant dress! The fiend! As the second vulture was also diving in for a run at you, you simply hiked up your ash-streaked mono-shoulder pageant dress – and hightailed it for the fissure in the side of the volcano. Diving within, you found a conveniently well-illuminated passage there, that dropped downward into the heart of the volcano itself. Fortunately, the two giant vultures did not seem interested in following you inside, and they screeched angrily as they flew back up and into the high layer of dark sooty clouds. “A good pair of heels never last,” you sighed, now limping along on one heel. The conveniently well-illuminated passageway descended at a moderate incline, winding its way into the mountain. At length, it opened into to a conveniently well-illuminated large chamber divided by a deep chasm. The chasm was only thirty to forty feet across, but a hundred or so feet deep. The remnants of a stone bridge that once crossed the chasm could be seen on either side – but the bridge itself had long since collapsed and fallen to the bottom of the chasm. Some kind of stone monument had been erected on your side of the chasm. Checking it out, you saw a bronze plaque on the monument that read: “The Great Dragon ‘Flaming Puffer’; slain by the Flamingo Witch. Though dead, it yet guards the way to the waking world. Leave it be, or join those who perished in this crystal prison.” On the other side of the chasm you could see another conveniently well-illuminated tunnel leading further into the volcano – as well as the skeletal remains of someone laying upon the ground in what looked as if it might once have been an extravagantly frilly pageant dress.

Variable D6 on 9/15/2021 12:32:00 PM
Yep. %PERCENT := 1D100 %DAMAGE := 0 IF %PERCENT < 76 THEN %DAMAGE := %ATTDMG * 100 / 200 IF %PERCENT < 51 THEN %DAMAGE := %ATTDMG IF %PERCENT < 26 THEN %DAMAGE := %ATTDMG * 2 25% Miss 25% Half Damage 25% Regular Damage 25% Double Damage

Dungeons & Drag Queens on 9/13/2021 5:57:03 PM
You couldn’t help letting loose with a Tarzan yell, as you threw yourself outward and then swung mightily towards the side of the mountain! “AAAAIIII AAAIII AAAIII AAAEEEIIIIAAA!!!” (however you spell it). The giant vulture wobbled slightly under the tremendous G’s you were pulling with your THICC ebony frame, but held well enough for your feather boa to let go – just at the height of your arc – allowing you to sail through the air across the gap and land like an Olympic gymnast in a classic T pose. You really stuck the landing though – literally – your eight inch stiletto heels stabbed deeply into the hard-packed ash and were currently held fast! Fortunately, you had landed right next to the massive fissure in the side of the volcano – it being a hundred and seventy feet high and sixty feet wide. At your escape however, the giant vultures wheeled around with angry cries and were coming at you fast! You weren’t sure whether you should try pulling your heels free or just ditch the footwear – though they did go all the way up to your thighs and each had twenty-seven laces going up the back! Either way, you had to free yourself and make for the giant slit – or ready yourself to fight!

Manifest Destiny Contest Results on 9/12/2021 3:30:27 PM
Well done everyone that managed to submit something!

Variable D6 on 9/12/2021 3:24:10 PM
I do believe there is an issue though with rolling multiple D's. Rather than actually rolling 2D6 for example, it will roll 1D6 and multiply by 2 (meaning you cannot get any odd numbers in that particular roll). Killa can probably verify if this really is the case though. If it matters to you to have the full range of numbers, then you would want to use this instead of 2D6 etc : 1D6 + 1D6

Dungeons & Drag Queens on 9/11/2021 3:24:51 PM
Probably not, but with a sufficient swing, you could probably make a jump to the steep slope. It would be like falling twenty feet, but the angle of the slope would help reduce damage (if you managed to not tumble down it upon landing).