hetero_malk, The Capybaliph
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"In normal times a mad man like Malk would have been hanged for his crimes. However in this time of darkness mad men can reach positions of great power" - EndMaster
"Malk probably wrote this whole fucking story while his pasty unhealthy ass was shitting on the fucking toilet. He should be the poster child that the Ugandan preachers point to when they’re preaching to their population of 'Do not eat the poo poo.'
I’m fucking serious, that’s like ALL he fucking talks about at the secret villain lair. That he’s going to shit, how he’s going to shit, what it felt like to shit and when he’s going to be shitting next.
Fuck bran muffins, this guy is eating raw fucking twine if he’s shitting this much." - EndMaster
Joined: 7/18/2014
A list of my achievements:
Achievement Unlocked: Questionable Parentage (10)
Achievement Unlocked: Not Mine (-10)
Achievement Unlocked: Uganda’s Most Wanted (60)
Achievement Unlocked: Begging For The Abyss (-300)
Achievement Unlocked: Lord of the Edge (200)
Achievement Unlocked: 1st Black Crusade (200)
Trophies Earned
![Earning 100 Points Earning 100 Points](images/trophies/100points.gif)
![Earning 500 Points Earning 500 Points](images/trophies/500points.gif)
![Earning 1,000 Points Earning 1,000 Points](images/trophies/1000points.gif)
![Earning 2,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points](images/trophies/2000points.gif)
![Earning 5,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points](images/trophies/5000points.gif)
![You're an inspiration to Capybaras everywhere. Also your writing’s better than ever. Not only just an inspiration to capybaras, but humans as well. Standard-bearer. You're an inspiration to Capybaras everywhere. Also your writing’s better than ever. Not only just an inspiration to capybaras, but humans as well. Standard-bearer.](images/trophies/CommunityContributor.gif)
![For winning the 2021 Edgelord 2 Contest For winning the 2021 Edgelord 2 Contest](images/trophies/contestWinner.gif)
![Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured](images/trophies/featuredStory.gif)
![Given by BerkaZerka on 02/27/2021 - Magnificent Modding In The Face of Retarded Fury Given by BerkaZerka on 02/27/2021 - Magnificent Modding In The Face of Retarded Fury](images/trophies/fromBerkaZerka.gif)
![Given by EndMaster on 03/09/2021 - For rising above and beyond your humble beginnings Given by EndMaster on 03/09/2021 - For rising above and beyond your humble beginnings](images/trophies/fromEndMaster.gif)
![Given by Gower on 09/01/2024 - You deserved this years ago. Given by Gower on 09/01/2024 - You deserved this years ago.](images/trophies/fromGower.gif)
![Given by Mizal on 05/14/2024 - For the Capybaliphate's many contributions to the site and community. (but mostly the monkeys) Given by Mizal on 05/14/2024 - For the Capybaliphate's many contributions to the site and community. (but mostly the monkeys)](images/trophies/fromMizal.gif)
![Given by ninjapitka on 12/29/2022 - A tribute to your raw talent we all envy Given by ninjapitka on 12/29/2022 - A tribute to your raw talent we all envy](images/trophies/fromninjapitka.gif)
Storygames
Entry into EndMaster's 2024 Prompt Contest!
The Faceless Knights uphold divine law, crushing mutation and degeneracy whenever they encounter it. When the young lord of a recently-conquered territory calls for a true servant of God, you must answer.
This game has a sequel.
A short, silly, high-octane ride through a cyberpunk future where your bullets are few, your friends are fewer, and the long tentacles of the law are slithering up your pant legs.
I am aware that technically, writing a sentence in all capital letters is gramatically incorrect. I did this on purpose, several times, for stylistic effect. If you point this out in the reviews, a team of hit-apes will kick in your door.
Winner of EndMaster's 2024 Crisis Contest!
This is a sequel to A Prayer for Destruction. It is highly recommended that you read that work before beginning this one.
The North, that frozen-over land of fanatics and heathens, has suffered a great and mysterious calamity. The Sultan bids you raise your banners and ride in his name to investigate.
Winner of EndMaster's 2020-2021 Grimdark Contest!
Take the role of Lord Winter, an aspiring sorcerer and the scion of a noble line that has fallen into obscurity.
Contains scenes of intense gore, brutality, and sexual violence.
Cover art by the talented MadHattersDaughter.
"Death is struck and nature quaking;
All creation is awaking,
To its Judge an answer making.
Lo, the book, exactly worded,
Wherein all hath been recorded;
Thence shall judgment be awarded.
When the Judge His seat attaineth,
And each hidden deed arraigneth,
Nothing unavenged remaineth."
-- Dies Irae
Ultimately, the fate of life is to destroy itself.
Note: This was adapted with express permission from a friend's "Creative Nonfiction" project for ENG223: Journalism in the 21st Century at Toronto Metropolitan University. Footnotes added by me to add clarity when needed.
this is so fucking stupid
Recent Posts
Romance on 9/6/2024 1:16:25 AMIf you haven't written a single word, it's not time to be looking for other people's input.
Romance on 9/5/2024 11:47:12 PM
Romantic plots live or die based on the comparability of their characters. A pair of romantic leads should represent some kind of lack or flaw in the other
By Far The Most Retarded Thing Ever on 9/4/2024 1:35:41 PM
It's fucking September. Have you been hospitalized from syllabus induced papercuts?
By Far The Most Retarded Thing Ever on 9/4/2024 2:30:03 AM
Fallen Land Instructions on 8/26/2024 9:11:44 PM
Fourthing long game btw, I'm having too much fun to stop now
Difficult Reads on 8/26/2024 8:51:54 PM
In your defence, that whole strain of Jewish philosophy is kind of incoherent
Difficult Reads on 8/26/2024 5:53:18 PM
I think the first half is more cohesive (insofar as a book like this can be), but I really really like Navidson's final expedition. Him losing his eye in order to gain knowledge of self, which no other character in the book really has, kind of completes the Odin and Yggdrasil paralellism in a way I really like.
Difficult Reads on 8/26/2024 11:17:53 AM
I also want to plug my beloved House of Leaves, which to me is essentially a text about how meaning collapses when you attempt to project it onto a frustrating and confusing world. The book itself is essentially a labyrinth of layered footnotes with their own separate stories, attached as commentary to a piece of (amateur) academic film criticism. I love that book so much.
A Little Birdy Needs A Mentor on 8/26/2024 9:53:21 AM
I think Ravenic is really emblematic of how generally lazy and useless this current crop of CYS teens is. No desire to like, dig in their heels and be like no fuck you guys, I'll write a storygame and show you people. No inclination either to at least be properly catty and bitchy and get into internet catfights which is at least funny. Just whinging and cunting and asking for someone else to do the work for them.
Difficult Reads on 8/26/2024 1:24:23 AM
Do you generally have impatience with like, mysticism as a concept? I feel like a lot of people just think it's generally kind of stupid (it's not stupid and mysticism is real and god is real)