hetero_malk, The Capybaliph

Member Since

3/14/2020

Last Activity

2/2/2026 3:11 AM

EXP Points

8,570

Post Count

857

Storygame Count

5

Duel Stats

3 wins / 7 losses

Order

Marauder Exemplar

Commendations

315

Hey, I'm Malk. I've been around for a while. Like, more than a decade.  I'm into ancient and medieval history, especially the social and religious kind. Here are some quotes about me: 

"In normal times a mad man like Malk would have been hanged for his crimes. However in this time of darkness mad men can reach positions of great power" - EndMaster 

"Malk probably wrote this whole fucking story while his pasty unhealthy ass was shitting on the fucking toilet. He should be the poster child that the Ugandan preachers point to when they’re preaching to their population of 'Do not eat the poo poo.'

I’m fucking serious, that’s like ALL he fucking talks about at the secret villain lair. That he’s going to shit, how he’s going to shit, what it felt like to shit and when he’s going to be shitting next.

Fuck bran muffins, this guy is eating raw fucking twine if he’s shitting this much." - EndMaster

"Wtf is this gay shit" - Fuck u 

Joined: 7/18/2014

A list of my achievements: 

Achievement Unlocked: Questionable Parentage (10)

 Achievement Unlocked: Not Mine (-10)

Achievement Unlocked: Uganda’s Most Wanted (60)

Achievement Unlocked: Begging For The Abyss (-300) 

Achievement Unlocked: Lord of the Edge (200) 

Achievement Unlocked: 1st Black Crusade (200)

I am also a site admin for some baffling reason. Do let me know if you see spam or bot activity that needs to be nuked. 

 

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points You're an inspiration to Capybaras everywhere. Also your writing’s better than ever. Not only just an inspiration to capybaras, but humans as well. Standard-bearer. For winning the 2021 Edgelord 2 Contest Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured Given by BerkaZerka on 02/27/2021 - Magnificent Modding In The Face of Retarded Fury Given by EndMaster on 03/09/2021 - For rising above and beyond your humble beginnings Given by Gower on 09/01/2024 - You deserved this years ago. Given by MadHattersDaughter on 11/12/2025 - For being the cutest wittle capy ever!! But seriously, for your awesome storygames and site presence! Given by Mizal on 05/14/2024 - For the Capybaliphate's many contributions to the site and community. (but mostly the monkeys) Given by ninjapitka on 12/29/2022 - A tribute to your raw talent we all envy Given by Will11 on 11/08/2025 - For your many years of fantastic contributions and skilful modding :D

Storygames

Featured Story A Prayer for Destruction

Entry into EndMaster's 2024 Prompt Contest! 

The Faceless Knights uphold divine law, crushing mutation and degeneracy whenever they encounter it. When the young lord of a recently-conquered territory calls for a true servant of God, you must answer. 

This game has a sequel.


CYBERMONKEY

A short, silly, high-octane ride through a cyberpunk future where your bullets are few, your friends are fewer, and the long tentacles of the law are slithering up your pant legs. 

I am aware that technically, writing a sentence in all capital letters is gramatically incorrect. I did this on purpose, several times, for stylistic effect. If you point this out in the reviews, a team of hit-apes will kick in your door. 


Featured Story The End of Creation

Winner of EndMaster's 2024 Crisis Contest! 

This is a sequel to A Prayer for Destruction. It is highly recommended that you read that work before beginning this one.

The North, that frozen-over land of fanatics and heathens, has suffered a great and mysterious calamity. The Sultan bids you raise your banners and ride in his name to investigate.


WARCHIMP
HIGH OCTANE ALL CAPS PRIMATE MADNESS From the creator of CYBERMONKEY, the genre defining cult classic that got the author EXCOMMUNICATED from the IFDB! Entered into EndMaster's 2021 Manifest Destiny contest in the last moments before the bombs fell.

Featured Story Winter, After the Harvest

Winner of EndMaster's 2020-2021 Grimdark Contest!

Take the role of Lord Winter, an aspiring sorcerer and the scion of a noble line that has fallen into obscurity. 

Contains scenes of intense gore, brutality, and sexual violence. 

Cover art by the talented MadHattersDaughter.


A Man Flayed
unpublished

APEPROPHECY
unpublished

"Death is struck and nature quaking;
All creation is awaking,
To its Judge an answer making.
Lo, the book, exactly worded,
Wherein all hath been recorded;
Thence shall judgment be awarded.
When the Judge His seat attaineth,
And each hidden deed arraigneth,
Nothing unavenged remaineth."

-- Dies Irae

Ultimately, the fate of life is to destroy itself.


Brothers of the Breaking Dawn
unpublished


Slayer of Men
unpublished


Spear of Flint, Sword of Bronze
unpublished

Strange Occurrences in my Family
unpublished

Note: This was adapted with express permission from a friend's "Creative Nonfiction" project for ENG223: Journalism in the 21st Century at Toronto Metropolitan University. Footnotes added by me to add clarity when needed. 


The Blood-Slicked Path
unpublished

The+Maiden%27s+Voyage
unpublished
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The+Renewal+of+All+Things
unpublished
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Turd Midas
unpublished

this is so fucking stupid


Recent Posts

Going to go protest!!! on 1/30/2026 10:34:49 AM

crying for the mods is weak asf 


CYS HOT BAIT on 1/29/2026 7:04:05 PM

I mean, you're still here and still talking about Jews. 

The post that you're still whining about got removed because it made us look like a Nazi site to a higher degree than your other posts, and we don't want your charm to be diluted by having multiple competitors for the same niche 


Going to go protest!!! on 1/28/2026 1:54:34 AM

You're not a countryman, neighbour or anything else when you cross the line into "enemy". The National Guard opened fire on demonstrators at Kent State for protesting. In 1985, the Philadelphia PD set a deadly fire in a row house by dropping an incendiary bomb on it from a helicopter, in order to end the MOVE organization. In any system, in any time, when you challenge the state too much, you get hammered.

Your assertion that the military would not take violent action against insurgency in the country is just laughable. Especially because armed insurgency would necessarily mean that your heroic group of civic-minded armed liberals would, necessarily, be shooting at cops and soldiers. 

Also, I hate to break it to you, you don't have a free media environment. People get their news from large corporations and monied interests that turn them into cattle. The world is now full of people who have replaced reality with a hallucinatory and frightening series of images absorbed from short-form video content and cable news. ICE just brazenly executed a guy in the street, and the Fox news contingent are fervently defending them. Do you think that's a conclusion people would arrive at on their own? 

This is to say nothing about the role of AI on social media, where consensus is easily manipulated with fake accounts. In a few more years, video itself will be easily fabricated. It will be trivial to edit a video of an insurgent walking into a building that is then destroyed by an airstrike, or adding discarded firearms on the ground to re-contextualize a massacre of peaceful demonstrators. It's a post-truth media landscape. 


I'm Officially Black on 1/28/2026 1:07:45 AM

Who the fuck are you? 


Going to go protest!!! on 1/27/2026 4:18:28 PM

No fucking way this retard just called him the Shaw 


Going to go protest!!! on 1/27/2026 4:15:51 PM

Yeah that's not going to happen.

Civil war would involve the following: airstrikes on civilian houses and places of business where maybe an insurgent walked by once; women and girls being raped by occupying soldiers who then cover up the crimes of their comrades; guilty and innocent people vanishing without trial into black hole prisons that make ICE detention facilities look like pleasant vacations to be tortured, sometimes to death; intentional massacre of civilians. These types of things have happened, to greater and lesser extents, in Ireland, in Spain, in Lebanon, in Mandatory and modern Palestine, in Syria, in Myanmar, the list goes on. Civil war is horrific.

An armed public uprising would be an escalation of violence that would produce unbearable and unlivable conditions for literally everyone in the country. The Dems are right to be skeptical of the possibility of private citizens overthrowing the state.


Heir to the Empire on 1/22/2026 12:14:00 AM

I will prove myself worthy of this honour by committing even more grievous injustices against the people of CYS, in the hopes of being even half the undead tyrant as the great man himself


The Review Club on 1/19/2026 9:59:31 AM

Well, I suppose I'll join. Need to read more 


CYA! (For now...) on 1/8/2026 9:29:35 PM

Who the fuck are you? 


Prompt Contest 5 Progress discussion on 1/7/2026 9:49:08 PM

This is such a retarded and wrong take on the BIble that it's not worth really talking about. 

OP, read Walter Burkert's Greek Religion and John Day's Yahweh and the Gods and Goddesses of Canaan for some actual scholarship about antique paganism. God help me.