Blue Light Saga

This story is underrated. There is a level of creativity and depth to this story that most stories don't have.

Good:

1. The plot, characters, setting, imagery, and symbolism were compelling and intriguing.

2. There was an economical yet immersive writing style that was descriptive but had very few wasted words. The sentences were well-composed, and the author wrote with a distinctive voice.

3. There were a few death endings to keep you on your toes, but it was not too easy to die.

4. The words said a lot more than you would expect from the play length- the text felt packed with meaning, and the story felt more like a 4 play length story than the 2 that it is listed as.

5. Spelling and grammar errors were minimal.

6. It was adequately nonlinear. There was a wide variety of options and paths that each branch felt like a different reading experience. Although many of the paths later rejoined, the variation between different endings also felt sufficiently rewarding.

Bad:

1. Some of the text was recycled when it shouldn't have been, like it saying that I wanted to get dry even though I didn't go through the flooding water scenes or saying that I had a knife even though I chose to not pull it out at the beginning.

Ugly:

1. The path where you walk into the cave ending in instant death was random, abrupt, and underdeveloped.

I interpreted the Midnight Man to be God and Fate to be the Devil, and the setting of the story to be Purgatory. The endings were a little ambiguous, but that can be as enjoyable as a straightforward story that spells everything out for you.

Interesting start. It makes for a nice setting and beginning to the story. I’m not sure why I thought my ID wasn’t there before…before what? If I have no memories, I’m not sure how I’d think about something being there before I found it. Also, while a single item choice can work well with scene changes, by the third page I’m starting to wonder if there are any choices coming at all. All the pages at the start without any choices could likely just be added together into one page and that would eliminate the apparently pointless clicking to get to the next paragraph.

When I got to Azure, the page was quite confusing. It added Indigo. Who is that? Is that supposed to be me talking? I really can’t tell if there are two people there, Azure and me; or if there are three: Azure, Indigo, and me. And I guess the italics was for, well, I’m not sure what it was for. Sometimes it was feelings, sometimes it was describing actions, so I’m not sure what the italics was supposed to mean. I also wasn’t sure who was talking towards the end. Someone was a solider stationed in Kuwait. Was that me? Was that Azure? Maybe Indigo? Or it might even have been the midnight man.

This story was pretty good and has lots of potential. It has a neat idea, though I think it could have had more detail related to the idea and the story. And with a few edits to fix the subjects and fonts, I think this could be a really good story. Thank you for sharing it with the site.

Not bad, I guess. I liked the overall story, but I didn't really like the way you have written it. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but the movie-script type of writing isn't exactly nice to read. It really distances the reader from the story itself and makes it hard to identify with the characters. I'd also advise you to write some descriptive text, instead of describing your characters through a list of descriptive features.

I also found the story a bit vague, but though I'd love to have had some more background, etc. I guess that it kinda fits with the general mystery theme of the story.

I also find it a bit of a shame that you labeled the endings as '...'s ending'. I think I would have liked it better if you gave me a choice like 'Azure does this and this' so I still have to guess what is going to happen.

I have given your story a 4/8, mostly because I liked the story, but I didn't really like the way it was written (see above).

Good luck writing!

No words 9/10

good story

This is actually a touching story, though there aren’t very many different endings, and you kinda just pick one in the end. Great as far as stories go, but not much of a CYOS. But it’s really good! Keep writing for sure!

First the typical spoiler warning. If you read this before reading the story, expect to be spoilered.

Alright.
First things first. I did not notice any major grammatical errors. I'm not a native speaker so I am no pro at that, but I noticed nothing that disturbed the flow of reading.

The story itself had some very short pages with very little description. I'm still undecided if that fits well with the mystery setting or if the game lacks description.

The structure was very different than many stories I read. I guess the Azure and the Indigo ending were the only real epilogues I found. If that's the case then the very first decision you make is a quite important one. The first few pages with only one choice could have been put into one to erase the clicking to just read on.

The branching seemed quite excessive at first but they rejoined again later on quite often which lead to most paths enabling you to reach the "real endings".

5/8 from me for the innovative style and writing style.

Amazing

This was an interesting little storygame. Emphasis on little. I liked the game, but just when I was starting to feel invested in the game, it ended. Please make more storygames. I'd like to see more.

Midnight: Welcome home, son.

Well, that seems to imply home can only be reached alone. As in home alone. ;)